Final Court Order / hearing

[emjanedel]

I just thought i would let everybody know that we have had our final court order through today. I posted 12 weeks ago that court had ordered that Dp is to have contact with his DD on his own without me or our DD. Anyway he was back in court and we now have the final order in place which says that he is to have contact on his for one hour a fortnight and days in the school hols but at all time DD and i are to be kept away.

Its upsetting that she doesn't want to see us but says to both her mum and dad that if we are there then she won't see him at all. Anyway thats how my story ends for no but hopefully in time she will come round.

[glasscompletelybroken]

That's very sad for you and quite divisive for your family. I guess that's just the way it is and you have to get on with your lives but I have to say it would eat at me.
Hope things get better for you in the future.

[ConfessionsOfaFlask]

emjane I'm so sorry to hear that. What a cruel decision.

How is your DP dealing with it ?

un-MN-y {{{hugs}}} for you.

[WinterLover]

oh no emjane thats not good news :(

Hows your DP? Surely 1 hours a fortnight isnt a lot for him :( Are you ok?

[allnewtaketwo]

sorry to hear that emjane . Really hope that things change in the future towards a better solution for you all

[Smum99]

Oh I'm so sorry - what the court seems to be suggesting is that the child is so emotionally fragile that she can't handle meeting someone who is involved in her dad's life. Please look at it like this - the child is not emotionally resilient and her parents aren't able to help her build those skills. You are not the problem and I hope you very clearly feel that. It's essential that your self esteem isn't damaged by this. Your DP needs to know that the issue is with her and her parents, not you.

Look at it this way - if your relationship with your dp failed would you hope that your child was able to meet other people in his or your life? The answer for 99.99% of parents is absolutely yes..If your child went into emotional meltdown at the suggestion of meeting a parent's partner would you consider that a healthy reaction?

I agree with the others - 1 hour a week is so little, I hope that his relationship with his daughter improves over time. You can't do anything, so don't feel guilty or responsible.

[emjanedel]

Thank you smum99 - i have come to a similar conclusion myself. Her parents aren't helping her deal with the situation (what does upset me though is she gets on great with her mums bf), its mums poison against me im afraid. The only thing i can say is the doors open...

[Smum99]

Emjanedel, Still a crap situation for you even if you can understand it more. There was a good post on here a little while ago from a former stepchild (who is now an adult) about how she felt towards here stepmum when growing up. She mentioned how she would be hostile as she felt she was being unfaithful/hurtful to her mum if she was friendly with the stepmum. This could also be a factor and something to consider, she might be protecting her mum who she feels is vulnerable. She might not see her dad as so vulnerable so happy to get on with the b/f.

I do however believe the mum has poisoned your SD against you, DH's ex did the same, I was shocked at the manipulative and deliberate approach she took to it. Again it only reflects on the ex, a secure loving mum doesn't behave like this. My dd has a stepmum, I have absolutely no issues with her and we get on fine because I am secure in my relationship with my dd.
Good Luck - there is still time for SD to change - teen years are very interesting and often children find the courage to stand up to parents

[WinterLover]

Smum99 You've hit the nail on the head My dd has a stepmum, I have absolutely no issues with her and we get on fine because I am secure in my relationship with my dd Thats become apparent with me too, DPs ex didnt like me until I became pregnant... she makes no time for her DD and her DD tells anyone who will listen she doesnt like being with her mum and would prefer to live here.

Emjane I think your being very understanding over it all, as is your DP. As you've said your doors always open so maybe one day when she's grown up a bit she will realise what she's done and missed.

[WinterLover]

Oh crap was meant to My dd has a stepmum, I have absolutely no issues with her and we get on fine because I am secure in my relationship with my dd not underline :(

[Sylvaniasandwich]

That's really sad. And all your DP can do is go along with it and keep the contact with his daughter. Maybe one day she will come round - but in the meantime, I hope you and your DP enjoy and appreciate your family.