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Maleficent's Guide To Step Parenting

(327 Posts)
WhatWouldMaleficentDo Tue 25-Jan-11 09:39:03

Dear Reader,

I have been much maligned as a step-mother over the years and so misrepresented, even I sometimes wonder what is truth and fiction. The sad fact is that people will always believe the child over the step-mother, no matter how outrageous the story and accusations.

Take my step child, Snow White. Ran off and shacked up with 12 men in a squat. Doing so many drugs she thought she could speak to animals FFS. (Lets face it, she didn't get called "snow white" for no reason IYSWIM.) I rescue her from herself with an intervention and a stay at the Priory and what do I hear back? Magic Mirrors, wood cutters and poisoned apples! And people believed her. hmm

However, I know now where I went wrong and look back on those times thinking "If only I had had someone to show me the way". So here it is, dear step mothers. The Mumsnet Guide to being a stepmother. Instead of worrying, just ask "What would Maleficent Do?" and follow these 12 steps to become the perfect Mumsnet Step Parent.

All of the following advice has been given to step parents in one form or another on Mumsnet discussions.

1. You may call yourselves step mothers, because that is what you are.

2. It's wrong to refer to yourself as mother in any form as it detracts from a child's real mother.

3. You should not try to be a mother to a step-child as they already have one.

4. If you don't act motherly you are rejecting the child and this can damage them and cause emotional problems later in life.

5. It is OK to think your own child and the children of your friends and the children at your child's school are horrible.

6. Your DH or DP's Children aren't horrible it is you making them that way as they can sense that you don't like them.

7. You must not declare that you love your stepchild or expect your step child to love you as that is not natural and they already have a mum.

8. You should automatically love your step children and if you can't you are bad and should leave your DH / DP.

9. If the children live with their mum, you should never change any payments of maintenance as it is unfair on the child.

10. If the child comes to live with you, the mum should not have to pay maintenance as it is your job to support them as you chose to be with a man who had children already.

11. You should not distance yourself from your step children as they will sense this and it will make them feel unwelcome.

12. As an adult its up to you to put your emotions to one side and distance them from your step children as showing how you feel will make them feel unwelcome.

You know. Reading this back, I think I can summarise this so much better.

1. Damned if you do.
2. Damned if you don't.

Now, off you go and get back to being Man Eating, Child Stealing Whores wink


Maleficent x

WildistheWind Fri 28-Jan-11 16:04:15


cobbledtogether Fri 28-Jan-11 16:06:20

Oooh, me.

I don't suppose you have a spot of rose? Red goes right to my head!

LadyTremaine Fri 28-Jan-11 16:08:24

it's white im afraid babyheave.. If i put the glass infront of a pink postit it takes on a nice rose shade - will that work?

cobbledtogether Fri 28-Jan-11 16:12:57

I'll give it a go.

I have to share this link with you from another thread. I pmp when I got to the tomato one. very funny

cobbledtogether Fri 28-Jan-11 16:13:15


LadyTremaine Fri 28-Jan-11 16:13:55

ha ha ha ha ha!!

cobbledtogether Fri 28-Jan-11 16:15:48

Yeah - tomatoes just aren't solid enough grin

mjovertherainbow Fri 28-Jan-11 16:30:23

Message withdrawn

mjovertherainbow Fri 28-Jan-11 16:32:23

Message withdrawn

LadyTremaine Fri 28-Jan-11 16:36:43

Did you ask your own child MJ? I usually just get DSD to do that kind of thing for me..

cobbledtogether Fri 28-Jan-11 18:20:14

Yes my DBD tends to spill less, but is more likely to nick a bit!

hsurp Sat 28-May-11 08:51:47

I COMPLETELY DISAGREE WITH: 10. If the child comes to live with you, the mum should not have to pay maintenance as it is your job to support them as you chose to be with a man who had children already.

Support has to do with the biological parents, NOT the stepparent. I am not marrying my bf of 7 1/2 years and I already pay his child support so don't anyone DARE to say that the Mom should not pay! My step-son (his parents call me his step-mother as well as he does) is still under his mother's address and his Dad has to pay. But because he is a stay-at-home Dad, the money comes from my Social Security. When his son was here for most of the school year we still paid and got some money back, but not all. It is NOT the step-parent's responsibility to pay for the step-child. Not for a car, not for on an auto policy, not for college, not for clothes, etc. I give for certain things out of the goodness of my heart! But don't anyone tell me that it is my duty - because legally, it is NOT!

nenevomito Sat 28-May-11 15:31:21

Hi hsurp, I think you've missed the joke behind the thread.

Its taking the mick out of the huge contradictions in the advice given to step parents on Mumset. 9 & 10 go together and contradict each other.

Pandygirl Mon 30-May-11 15:43:18

Absolutely love it! So true.......

kimeleon Fri 10-Jun-11 18:25:59

Brilliant post and most entertaining thread, for so many reasons. I can't believe I read the whole thing ...

WinterLover Fri 10-Jun-11 19:21:42

I havent read it for months but it always makes me smile... its soooooo true!! grin

GinAndWater Fri 10-Jun-11 20:46:43

<bites into poisoned apple>


teenswhodhavethem Sat 10-Dec-11 00:55:39

Message withdrawn

Eliza22 Mon 12-Dec-11 10:18:31

Hmmm... Found this and only when I looked closely, did I notice the duration of this thread.

I wonder, 6 years in, whether I will ever be let off the hook by my sd for marrying her dad and our being happy? I doubt it. I met my dh years after his divorce. His ex had an affair and felt it reasonable to expect her then husband to continue to provide for her and keep the marriage together, whilst continuing secretly to see her lover. He divorced her. It took us 4 yrs of long distance commuting to finally realise we should be married and together.

My sd is now "punishing" her dad by not visiting us. She apparently, doesn't wish to be reminded of me. I exist. That's my crime. Dh is supportive of me, as he says I have behaved without reproach toward his kids and that his dd would object to any female, it's not ME as such. But, I've reached a stage now where I'd be jolly pleased if she just, well, went away really. Awful, I know, but I'm absolutely sick to the back teeth of her. End of.

Damned if you do.
Damned if you don't.

About sums it up, really.

samwellsbutt Mon 12-Dec-11 16:52:01

hahahaha almost a year old a still funny.

Theexisapsychocunt Fri 26-Jul-13 23:38:46


TheMumsRush Mon 27-Apr-15 15:29:10

Love this opening post, sums it up perfectly grin

3CheekyLittleMonkeys Mon 27-Apr-15 16:30:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheMumsRush Mon 27-Apr-15 16:51:51

Just read the rest and it goes a bit haywire confused

Reginafalangie Sun 03-May-15 09:14:43

I thought it was a pile of self serving crap.

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