I am just wondering if anyone else has had this? I am due to have my first in 3 weeks, but my DP has a son aged 10. I am increasingly becoming annoyed at his lax approach to parenting the closer I get to sharing the parenting of my own child. His son just swore at the TV, shouting "dickhead" at the actions of the character. To which I quickly pointed out that we don't talk like that and we can think of better and less offensive terms. His dad laughed and asked who says stuff like that (as always, taking responsibility away from his son as it always has to be someone else's fault.) Although it annoys me a bit, ultimately this is his son. However, I can see a future with our daughter where I play 'bad cop' and daddy constantly undermines me if I have to stand for rules/ boundaries... This is, by the way, part of an overall approach to parenting in which he doesn't like to tell his son it is bedtime ( I do that), tell him he has to eat what he has chosen etc Basically, anything unpalatable or less than fun. I really don't want to spend my life being the parent who has to do all that while he gets to be 'fun parent'. Is it normal to be stressing about this at this stage?
I would say it's reasonably normal. If you read the threads on here frequently, you will see how common it is that fathers that have 'non-resident' children often tend not to 'parent' the child but to try to become the 'disney/holiday' dad character when the child comes to stay.
I had a load of these type of problems earlier in our relationship. I found it impossible to understand why DH didn't urge his teenage son to learn how to eat with a knife and fork for example, or why he put up with such ridiculously fussy eating habits, etc etc. It was always me pointing out to DH how ridiculous some of the situations were, and that he was doing nothing about them. It has taken years to get to a point where DH can actually see (most of the time) what is going on, and to tackle it head on. Although that said, he still makes excuses for DSS1's childish behaviour (15yo), blaming it on the divorce/etc etc.