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So what's everyone's plans for Christmas?

(40 Posts)
theredhen Fri 26-Nov-10 09:27:41

Actually thought I had better start giving Christmas some thought.

We have a system where one year, DSC come to us on the afternoon of the 23rd and stay until 10am on Xmas morning and then go back to Mum's until 10am on Boxing Day, then they swap round next year. Personally, I think the routine is designed for the adults so that they can both see their children on Christmas day but as no presents can go between the two houses and DP insists on taking them to their dead grandmother (that they never met) grave also on Xmas morning, I really pity the poor kids not getting to play with their presents.

DS will probably be with us on Xmas day and visit his Dad on Boxing day for a day or so.

I haven't volunteered to do Christmas dinner as that will mean cooking for a minimum of 13 shock, but think I will have to give it a go next year as it's not fair to impose us lot on everyone else!

Personally in an ideal world, I'd have DSC stay all day Christmas day, cook fish fingers and use my time to spend the day playing with their toys with them and generally enjoy some fun and games. I'd then use Boxing day as a day to get drunk socialise with DP family and vice versa next year.

So what is your routine?

Rudolphsnose Fri 26-Nov-10 09:30:50

Alternate Christmasses here. This year DDs will be with their Dad and DBD with her Mum on Christmas EvenandnDay, then we have them for 2 days and back again. At least DH and I will have DS all the time. I miss them all like hell but we will just have 2 Christmas days.

theredhen Fri 26-Nov-10 09:42:11

I think having the kids all day on Boxing Day is fine, a day is a day whatever you call it and you can make it what you want it to be.

DP thinks "Boxing Day is an anti-climax" and wants to see his kids open their presents on Xmas Day. No consideration to their sad faces when he has to take them home just a few hours later. But hey ho, we will make the most of it and I am going to be discussing our new Xmas traditions and routines seeing as this is our first Xmas living together. So which Xmas decorations do we put up, his or mine? Hmmmmm...

Rudolphsnose Fri 26-Nov-10 09:48:11


I remember our first Christmas together, we both opened our decs boxes, chose our favourites and chucked the rest, including any that had a 'meaning' with our exes. Was fab though, making new traditions together. Enjoy

WildistheWind Fri 26-Nov-10 10:02:47

We alternate Christmas too and it works well for us. Both DBDs are used to it now- been doing it for the past 6 years and they see it as having 2 Christmases.

macadoodledoo Sat 27-Nov-10 01:29:35

We have DBC's for a few hours on Christmas morning - so they wake up with mum, then over to us until lunchtime before back to mum for lunch. Lucky we live close by!

We've got them for those few hours on Christmas Day, then on 27th-29th. Lots of juggling but we've got to make it work because it's v important to mum that she's got them 'more' than us and keeps the balance as her being primary carer. Ah well - this is the 3rd yr and it does seem to work.

timmyinatizzy Sat 27-Nov-10 22:50:04

Another household here with alternate Christmas Days. We also do alternate New Years Eve with DBD's mum, except the one year she had a new man and didn't want to do the usual routine as it was her turn to have them New Years Eve. She offered to have them for 3 days, but give them back on the 31st which DH said if you're only going to have them for 3 nights at least have them on New Years Eve. She didn't, so that year she didn't see the girls for 5 weeks over the Christmas period! Her loss.

christmasheave Sun 28-Nov-10 10:11:26

We spend xmas with just me, DH and the DCs. We've never had DBD on christmas day and sometimes we only get to take her out to lunch one day over the whole xmas period as she usually goes away to exs Parents at the other end of the country.

Sometimes they will come back between xmas and new year and we'll have her for a night or so then, but this has happened only once in the last 9 years.

I think it sucks but have learned to keep my big yap shut. I've sat in our car with DBD opening her presents in the back enough times to have learned that when you get a subject as sensitive as this one, my opinion, no matter how valid, is best kept to myself.

Personally I know it would muck up Exs christmas with DBD and her other children, but just for once it wouldn't kill for her to come here - would it. <bites tongue, bites tongue, bites tongue> Why should DH be opening presents with his daughter in the fookin car year after year?

However she's old enough now to choose for herself and maybe, just maybe she'll come. <CH laughs at the thought cos Yeah, like thats gonna happen>

christmasheave Sun 28-Nov-10 10:12:51

Sorry chaps. May have noticed that CH is a leeeetle bit touchy about the whole xmas question. <CH backs a way for an early slurp in the wine bar>

SparkleSoiree Tue 30-Nov-10 10:26:04

Chin up CH.

Alternate christmas and new years for us and this year it is our turn for christmas - yay! We pick them up on 23rd and return them on 27th to their mums sending aaalll their christmas presents back with them too! wink

Got lots planned this year as we will have all the children so like to do a lot of visiting!

wendihouse22 Thu 02-Dec-10 09:53:08

Oh Joy is mine!!

This year (after last year being tolerated in my own home by my youngest SD - though thankfully, not her siblings!) we, my husband and I are off out for Xmas lunch! Nice country house hotel, roaring fires and really good (posh) food.

My sadness is that it's my ex's "turn" to have our son for Xmas. I will miss him.

WildistheWind Thu 02-Dec-10 12:46:37

wendi, enjoy your posh Xmas lunch!

You will miss DS but I'm sure you will have a lovely time with DH! Make the best of it!

harassedinhertinselpants Thu 02-Dec-10 12:49:44

Our Christmas tradition is this - we're never "allowed" to have dbd on Christmas Day. Ever. I think it's very sad for dh.

We're having Christmas at home this year (we normally go to my parents) and at the moment it's just dh, dd and me! Although my two sons and their girlfriends and my gorgeous 18mth dgd are all invited. Must get them to decide soon so we can order a turkey!

christmasheave Thu 02-Dec-10 16:21:54

Not just us then, Harassed angry.

When I first met DH he explained that he never had her over xmas because it was better for her to be with her mum than with him as there she had a new family with siblings and spent time with that family. It was better than being alone with just her Dad.

Now personally I wouldn't agree and would think that she would have had a lovely christmas with 1-2-1 time with her Dad and his family (although no siblings), but who was I to judge.

Anyway, so then DH and I got married and along came our little sproglets - suddenly we too were a 'family' where DBD could spend time with her other siblings and family on Xmas. But did anything change? Did it heck. DBD still spends every Christmas with her Mum, nothing will change it and we still end up opening her Christmas presents with her in the car as we take her out to lunch one day between Christmas and New Year.

When I first met DH he hated Xmas with a vengence and over the years as I've watched him on the phone to his daughter ever Christmas morning and what he's like when he gets off the phone, I've understood why.

God forbid he and I should split up, but if we do, I will always share Xmas with him as I would be a <insert rude word> if I didn't.

Sorry for the rant again folks. Still a leeedle bit tetchy!

SMulledwineS Thu 02-Dec-10 17:01:39

We've got DBD xmas day from 11am till boxing day 5pm.. only reason being is its our access weekend and exw doesnt want to change it.. its the 1st year that DP his DD on xmas day, DBD is 5 now!!

harassedinhertinselpants Thu 02-Dec-10 17:15:20

ch - dh's ex doesn't have a partner or any other children. I think dh had dbd once before we got together and her mum decided that she couldn't bear waking up on Christmas morning on her own again hmm!

We do have her between Christmas and New Year, and strangely enough so far always on NYE. I can't think why........

christmasheave Thu 02-Dec-10 17:19:40

LOL - well to be fair we don't get her on NYE either, so maybe I should stop feeling aggrieved on my DH's behalf.


ChasingSquirrels Thu 02-Dec-10 17:29:02

not step, but separated, so kids are split

we have fallen into 1st half of xmas hols & xmas day / Boxing Day & 2nd half of hols - with handover around 10am on Boxing Day.

This year I've got xmas day, but because they go early on Boxing Day (and while they could take their presents if they wanted, they are going to get another lots from their dad and his family so it would seem a bit silly) and so don't get much time to play with things before they go we are going to shift time and have xmas day on xmas eve instead.

Last yr was my 1st without the kids on xmas day. I HATED every minute of it, next year I will hate it again. Yet there is no way that I would say to ex that he can't have them because of this.

ladydeedy Sat 11-Dec-10 14:59:03

We used to alternate christmas week and new year week (apart from once when we had SC for both after DH's ex sent him a text once they had got to our house for christmas saying she was going on hols later that day and wouldnt be back till second week of January!).
Now youngest DSS lives with us so things may be a bit different. We are taking both SC away for the week of New Year and so in theory DH's ex should have them both for Christmas week but has already told youngest one (who lives with us) that he is "not welcome" at her house since he "abandoned" her and that she wont be buying him a present either as she cant afford to as "he has cut her income" (i.e. she is not receiving child maintenance or CB any more for him). No doubt she will change her mind nearer the time and want to see him on the day - all cool with us. So it might just be DH and me on Christmas day which would be lovely. Or us plus DSS. Either way I am looking forward to it!

mjinsparklystockings Sat 11-Dec-10 22:40:10

Message withdrawn

theredhen Sun 12-Dec-10 18:16:18

Have found out this weekend that DSC will be with us for all but 2 days of the Christmas holidays.

Again, no consideration for my needs or DS needs and told that we are wrong to want to go out without DSC for the day even though we're not consulted about when DSC can or cannot come.

I just want to run away at the moment. sad

mjinsparklystockings Sun 12-Dec-10 18:42:48

Message withdrawn

FrostyAndSlippery Sun 12-Dec-10 18:48:36

We do the same every year. DSC live with their mum and so they spend Xmas day with her and their nan. Absolutely fine all round, it'd be awful to make their mum be without them on Xmas day.

At some point during the hols they come to stay and we do another big Xmas dinner, presents etc. It's fab for all of us - they get two xmases! We get 3 as the 25th is just us and our DCs, then either 24th or 26th is with my family.

glassbaublescompletelybroken Sun 12-Dec-10 18:55:21

theredhen I feel your pain. Am trying to not feel like this but I'm not happy as DH exW is having the DSC for basically christmas day and boxing day and we are having them for the rest of the holiday after that while she has a whole week off to please herself as she is not working that week, same as us. The week before christmas me & DH are both working so we have no time then to do anything nice together. I know I'm being selfish but I can't help it.

Petal02 Sun 12-Dec-10 19:09:04

Redhen - just wanted to send you some moral support. I'd be serving time for murder if I were in your shoes.

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