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So now I am a CM.....

(39 Posts)
Rudolphsnose Wed 24-Nov-10 18:12:23

I agreed to collect DBD from school with DDs on the week that she is with her mum, mums DP collecting her from ours at 4ish, so just enough time for a drink and a snack before she's collected. No problem, I love DBD to bits and its not any more hassle for me.

Tonight when DBD was collected I offered to drop her back to her Mums house from now on what with the weather getting worse, it would save DBD and Mums DP a walk. The DP replied that as he was now starting work at either 4 or 5 some days it would be better if we kept things as they are as her Mum would be collecting her some days. Her Mum doesnt finish work til 5 so she wouldn't be collected til 5.30 or so. Had I been asked rather than it being assumed I would do it I wouldn't have an issue with it. As it is I am seriously hacked off that they are taking the piss angry

Rudolphsnose Wed 24-Nov-10 19:40:42

Someone please come and grrrrr with me

notremotelyintofootie Wed 24-Nov-10 19:57:17

Have you spoken to your dh about this? What does he say? It does seem unfair that you have become an unpaid childminder! Will your dh be able to reduce child maintenance by at least half the among she'll be saving???

Sounds like a bloody cheek to me!!!!

Rudolphsnose Wed 24-Nov-10 20:07:07

DH stood there with his mouth hanging open like I did. He's very sensibly suggested that we see how it pans out and deal with it then. He will support me 100% if this is what they try to do. We don't pay maintenance to DBDs Mun as we have 50/50 residency.

Rudolphsnose Wed 24-Nov-10 20:08:17

I still have steam coming out of my ears at the sheer audacity of them angry

hamisheena Wed 24-Nov-10 20:10:50

It might just be that the Dp has put his put in it and the Mum was intending to ask rather than assume ou would do it?

hamisheena Wed 24-Nov-10 20:11:13

Sorry you not ou!

hamisheena Wed 24-Nov-10 20:12:07

and foot not second put!

Rudolphsnose Wed 24-Nov-10 20:13:31

Good point I hadn't thought of that!

Rudolphsnose Wed 24-Nov-10 20:14:10

I'm still going to chunter to myself though

hamisheena Wed 24-Nov-10 20:18:18

Absolutely Does the mum usually take the piss? because it just sounds like you have a lovely arrangement at the moment?

jonesybells Wed 24-Nov-10 20:28:35

It does sound like you have had a reasonable arrangement until now and it seems a shame to spoil it, - but it's not you doing the spoiling, it's them, jumping on the thin end of the wedge.

Don't let it go unchecked - 90% certain it will lead to more piss-taking. Why do some people get walked over? - because they allow it, just once.

Nip it in the bud.


Rudolphsnose Wed 24-Nov-10 20:40:31

You are right, I'll see if she asks me for Friday. Funnily enough she screamed blue murder about equal residency when we first asked for it.

theredhen Wed 24-Nov-10 20:43:57

Yes, I think you have to put your foot down and not let this set a precedent.

I too think if you do this without a fight, she will push for more when it suits her.

However, I do wonder if your original arrangement has simply made her think that you're happy to have DSD whenever you she likes as you were to keen to help out originally.

hamisheena Wed 24-Nov-10 20:49:17

My goodness you are all so quick to jump to negatives when really only a chance remark has been made. Find out the full story, (if there is one) before this functional joint custody arrangement is compromised.

Rudolphsnose Wed 24-Nov-10 21:38:13

It just sounds like typical for them, make decisions and arrangements that affect DBD and/or us and let us know when it's a done deal

Rudolphsnose Thu 25-Nov-10 11:05:18

Yup, saw DBD and her Mum in the playground this morning, quote "X is working tomorrow night so I'll cOllect DBD from yours. I should be there by 5.30" WTF? No consultation, no is that ok with you let alone could you please have DBD later. I am sooo angry

notremotelyintofootie Thu 25-Nov-10 18:14:07

You really should have said something even if only "is this a regular thing now?"....

Rudolphsnose Thu 25-Nov-10 18:21:46

I know, I just need to find a way of saying bugger off you cheeky cow without her being able to come back and say that it's me not wanting DBD around rather than her taking advantage. I said to DH last night that I would bet on not even getting a bottle of plonk or chocolates as a thank you hmm

Rudolphsnose Thu 25-Nov-10 20:22:29

She has just called me to say that because of her DPs new job there may be a couple of nights a week that I would need to have DBD until she gets back from work, but if I can't do it one night she could probably arrange for DBD to go to a friends house. So that's good of her then angryhmm

Dansmommy Thu 25-Nov-10 20:25:34

What's DBD? Is she your step daughter? So surely your home is as much hers as her mums is?

Petal02 Thu 25-Nov-10 20:43:39

To the OP - you need to nip this in the bud very quickly. She's taking the p*ss.

Rudolphsnose Thu 25-Nov-10 20:49:16

Dansmommy. Yes of course it is and I love her as much as my bio children. The point is that her Mum EXPECTS me to do it without any consultation as to what my plans might be.

Rudolphsnose Thu 25-Nov-10 20:50:35

At this rate DH will get what he wanted in the first place and we will have full residency, every cloud eh

theredhen Thu 25-Nov-10 20:51:37

No-one likes being used do they?

You're damned whatever you do, quite honestly. If you don't agree to have her, you're the wicked step Mummy and if you do, you're just being used as free childcare and will get taken advantage even more.

Can you come up with some excuse, helping with an after school club or visiting a sick friend on those days?

I love it when the natural parents don't want the children, but expect the step parents to have them and then say you're horrid if you don't. hmm

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