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Any advice re adult dsd please

(6 Posts)
pranma Fri 12-Nov-10 15:15:22

Over 20 years ago dh and his ex went through a messy divorce where she went off with a younger man leaving their 3 young teens with dh.She said she had married too young and wanted some 'me time'.Within a year she had a new baby daughter and had moved abroad with new dh.Dsd is middle child with a drother 18 months either side.
I was widowed and had 2 dc [dd and ds] similar ages.when we married dss1 was at college,dss2 was 15 and dsd was 17.she chose to finish at her current school and her grandmother [dh's mum]lived with her in the family home.We all seemed to get on very well.
Eventually all 5 dc went to uni,got professional careers and married and had dc of their own.Dsd and my ds both live abroad.My dd lives near and his ds1&2 live away but visit regularly.
When I had cancer dsd and her dh and ds visited despite requests that they wait [we sent money for fares as we wanted to see them when my treatment was over].Because I was so ill my dd offered to do the main meals at her house.To cut a long story short dsd said some pretty nasty things to me [eg are you using chemo to get out of the housework and this house is unsafe for a child].They left after one night and havent spoken to us since.this was 3 and a half years ago.She wont answer emails or reply to letters or acknowledge gifts.My dh is so very unhappy and I dont know what to do.Her ds has ASD but we dont know much about him.Its awful-please help-she is 40 soon and christmas is coming is there anything we can do/send to encourage a response?
Thanks

mjinhiding Fri 12-Nov-10 16:05:47

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StewieGriffinsMom Fri 12-Nov-10 16:10:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pranma Sat 13-Nov-10 19:37:00

Thank you-I just feel that if it hadnt been for me dh would still have his dd.She lives in Canada so is very far away.
SGM she is a bit strange in some ways but is a clinical psychologist so should be alert to human emotions.She has expressed jealousy of dd and her relationship with my dh but she always said how much she loved her Dad.It is so hard that that love seems to have died.

mjinhiding Sat 13-Nov-10 20:14:50

Message withdrawn

pranma Sun 14-Nov-10 10:24:36

Thanks-I am glad I shared this because I cant really keep fretting about it at home as dh gets upset.He is determined to send her a piece of jewellery for her birthday so I will go along with it even though she wont acknowledge it.
He asked his ex if she knew and she said sd was upset because dd had a pony and she had always wanted one [23 years ago]but she was 17 then and scared of dd's pony.I did offer to get her one if she tried riding and liked it but she didnt want to.It cant be that.I give up.You are right-it must be her I suppose.

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