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Advice from those of you who have your own DC with DP

(16 Posts)
SMummyS Mon 08-Nov-10 13:17:40

I'm looking for some advice, i know I shouldn't be worrying/thinking about this yet but I'm at work with nothing to do so my minds wandering.

I've been with DP for 2 and half years I have a DSD who's 5. I've known DP since school

I'm on the BCP at the min however this past week I've felt those familiar pregnancy symptoms (had a chemical pregnancy 3 years ago) DP and I have discussed marriage and children, he wants to do it properly this time round so has kind of asked me if I'd marry him but is now saving up to buy a ring. Children was decided to be in the future. DSD doesn't have an easy life at her mums and we want to get ours and her life settled before anything like children come into the picture.

I'd love a child of my own, I love my DSD so much, and she tells me she loves me being her other mummy, but I'm always reminded shes not mine.

Anyway, how did you all cope/manage the situation when you became pregnant.

His exW seems to think she has the right to know every detail about our lives including my parents grrr but If I was pregnant I would want her sticking her nose in every 5 min.

Sorry if I've gone on a bit

pleasechange Mon 08-Nov-10 13:39:02

First of all congratulations if indeed you are pg smile.

Tbh I did a lot of worrying before we had a DS of our own. Turns out that in fact I've found things have got a lot easier since then. More relaxed somehow. And because DS loves his brothers and enjoys them being around, it makes it easier for me as well.

You may well find that it's a positive step for your DSD as well

From our perspective we don't have any real contact with the exW. I imagine she'd like to know all the ins and outs but DH tells her nothing and they barely speak anyway (long story). We told the DSS's fairly late on in my pg (well about 5 months maybe) because I didn't want any gossip if I'd had a miscarriage (had one previously)

SMummyS Mon 08-Nov-10 14:03:25

Thanks, after what happened last time I'm waiting to test.

I think I'd do like you and wait as long as possible. DSD was insistent I was pregnant in June and her mum had told her it was ok to hit in the stomach!! My parents have just moved house so DSD had been questioned as to what road they lived on and the house name so she could have a look, I asked our solicitor and she says she has no need to know that so I told DSD that her mum doesn't need to know that.

I'm a very personal person in real life and I hate people digging into my life.

Childish I know but when we get married we're arranging it on a contact weekend so DSD will know we're getting married but not know when as her mum likes to cause trouble.

pleasechange Mon 08-Nov-10 15:25:36

How nosey about your parents' house! And as for saying it's ok to hit you in the stomach [shock

SMummyS Mon 08-Nov-10 16:58:04

I know, but im beginning to realise they are the ones who cant let go

mjinhiding Mon 08-Nov-10 17:52:22

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mjinhiding Mon 08-Nov-10 17:53:57

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SMummyS Mon 08-Nov-10 18:11:22

MJ I remember a post of yours saying how your family life got better with mini-MJ on the seen.

mjinhiding Mon 08-Nov-10 18:15:04

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SMummyS Tue 09-Nov-10 07:45:47

Thanks MJ im gonna test at the weekend, extreamly nervous but im sure it will work out in the end

mjinhiding Tue 09-Nov-10 12:07:47

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SMummyS Tue 09-Nov-10 12:37:51

Stop it you'll get me excited!! Lol

It's so comforting to know that no matter what happens Ive got you lot on this forum for advice and support. No1 I'm my real life knows how hard it is, I lost my best friend over being a step-parent it

prettyfly1 Thu 11-Nov-10 21:12:17

Oh Smummy - if you are congrats. We had a mare when our boy was born - honestly she went utterly nuts, but dss is a lovely big brother who is very sweet to the baby so it doesnt appear to have impacted on him to heavily.

SMummyS Fri 12-Nov-10 11:26:25

Thanks prettyfly it was negative this morning but I'm sure you lovely ladies will be first to know

That's the one bit I'm dreading exW sticking her nose in. DBD wants a baby in our house, think she feels it makes us a family. She keeps nagging he dad about us getting married too

freedom2010 Thu 25-Nov-10 18:58:51

Im with prettyfly on this she went nuts but she still is and my son is now 3, the best thing you can do is to ignore the silly stunts and get on with your lifes the best you can. I also know this is easier said than done! But concentrate on what matters to you rather than what the ex will think!

bonnymiffy Tue 30-Nov-10 08:56:35

I'm now 13 weeks with my DC1, DH and I have been together nearly 2 years and married 8 months. DSS will be 9 when junior arrives, and he is very excited about it! He even says he will do the night time feeding!! I think it's great that he is so positive now, as once he's had a couple of nights at ours with a screaming baby and no sleep he'll probably think differently. DSS's mum is fine about it and we get on ok, but then she and DH were never really together.

Yes, I do worry that I will have to make compromises to fit in with something that is out of my control - eg we will probably need to move somewhere bigger when junior is old enough to start walking, but we will need to be close to where DSS lives for access, instead of being able to contemplate moving anywhere.

I hope it will bring us together more as a family. Personally I don't think you can just not do something as major as have a child if that's what the two of you want because someone else might make it harder for you, you have your (you and DP) own lives as well.

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