Inappropriate Attire - Step daughter(16 Posts)
Dear SD is very slim, wants to be a model is 16yrs old and very self-aware and very self-obsessed - I know that is a description of any teenage girl. However from a very early age she was dressing inappropriately and it continues. We sometimes have to ask her to change just before we go out (since she spends most of her time in front of the mirror or the computer in her room). Sometimes I have defended her outfits to my DH and sometimes I have supported him. I get on well with her but have no real input as a parent because she has two already - I am more like a friendly aunt. I was pleased that she actually turned around and went straight back change on the recent occasion when I asked her directly, but it could have been because we were getting ready to leave the house with her aunt and uncle and she did not want to appear to make a fuss.
We are due to go to a family thing and I have been asked by her step grandmother (who is always giving her a hard time and my DH tries to keep the apart)to ensure that she is appropriately dressed. I have relayed this to my husband whose view is that if SD has any other arrangements on the day (because she often goes out with friends etc.) then to let her go her separate way. I feel that he avoids conflict (as we all do) and that if she is coming with us it is his responsibility to ensure that her outfit is ok. Am I copping out?....
Just take her out and buy a nice outfit for it- stress it's a family day and they want everyone smartly dressed etc. Make it light hearted
Dear Madamdeathstare - great name! In other
circumstances I would agree with you entirely about step gm but she has no contact other than at family bashes. My DH's ex was disliked by the family in general and there is no contact with her or the children independent of us. I have to tell you that Step GM is also a piece of work herself and only tolerated because of who she is married to.... complicated families... I should have had my wits about me when SGM called but she caught me on an off-moment and I simply mumbled something cowardly myself.. I will probably make sure in the morning that DSD is aware she ought to dress conservatively.. after all we all have to conform and make compromises in our lifetimes...
what's it got to do with the sgm? if you think she is innapproppriately dressed tell her, if not don't. surely it doesn't matter what sgm thinks?
I agree if sgm has a problem she should discuss it directly! I thought that teenagers are often dressed inappropriately and it is only worth making a fuss if it is something that really needs to be be appropriate- like a wedding or funeral or interview.Pick your battles.
I should have said that the bash is at SGM's house.... and she is hosting...and feels like she is matriarch - really she is just a bleeep stirrer..
oh i see although i still don't think she can dictate or that your dh and you can pass the buck you are the parents/step parents. i think this might be an issue between you and dh that might be the problem. hope you sort it
I used to dress inappropriately (still do some would say) but that is part of being a teenager.
However, agree with you that she probably needs to lear when inappropriate is appropriate and when it is not (IYSWIM)
My father still asks me if 'you are really going out dressed like that?'
I have asked my DH to remind DSD to bring an appropriate outfit with her if she hasnt made any other plans, after all she needs to know that everyone has to compromise in certain circumstances.. thanks to you all for your messages.
My dsd's legs haven't seen the light of day since she became vampire obsessed. She also decided in the summer that she didn't like the sun any more !
I was the inappropriately dressed teen too I'm afraid. She needs to learn how to express herself without offending, and that probably means toning it down a bit sometimes.
Thanks to those who took an interest. The event went off well and DSD wore a lovely tight fitting dress but it covered the vital bits and that is what counts. DH had spoken to her during the week about what Grandma would expect and Grandma was very complimentary.
End of this thread.
Take care all
I didn't post but followed this thread as I have a pre-teen DBD !
Great result !
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