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Bloody fed up of ex wife and whole situation....

(65 Posts)
slimbo Thu 09-Sep-10 15:28:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lauriefairycake Thu 09-Sep-10 15:32:39

Why are you talking about her and not him?

Do you think he talks to her too much, do you think he wants her back, do you think he is committed to you?

Get off facebook if you don't want her to find things out about you - or defriend the children. If you want a private life make it private.

ANTagony Thu 09-Sep-10 15:34:13

I got my divorce through a few months before going to court to sort financial settlement.

Is this something that your DP could do to allow you to become engaged and move forwards with one element of life whilst the financial side is resolved?

slimbo Thu 09-Sep-10 15:35:58

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Lauriefairycake Thu 09-Sep-10 15:38:35

ok, you didn't say that about him. That he doesn't talk to her.

You made it sound like you were worried some of it might be true (the domestic violence stuff, the fact that he hasn't got over her).

If none of it is true then why can't you just ignore it?

It seems that you are engaging with it in some way - why?

slimbo Thu 09-Sep-10 15:38:45

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ConnorTraceptive Thu 09-Sep-10 15:39:17

I had sympathy up until facebook - sorry but I honestly do not understand why people use it when it is causing grief and upset. If you can't read what she's putting on there then that it is one less platform for her to insult you.

booyhoo Thu 09-Sep-10 15:40:01

cut all contact points. defriend the kids and tell them why. ignore all texts, she wants to upset you. stop responding to all this stuff. let her get bored. and tell your DP to get a wiggle on and get this divorce sorted.

slimbo Thu 09-Sep-10 15:42:54

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TechLovingDad Thu 09-Sep-10 15:43:26

Hi, hope you don't mind a perspective from a bloke's point of view.

My ex was a bit like your DP's. She would text and call and text calling me all the names under the sun and asking me to jump to her tune all the time. It took my DW threatening to leave to make me realise that she was behaving this way because I let her.

In my situation, I had to stop my daughter staying overnight, that way my ex didn't need to know where I lived or my phone numbers.

In your case, I would suggest that his ex is forced to make ALL contact through solicitors. Including anything regarding the children. Get a pay as you go mobile and give her that number. You only need to turn it on when the children are visiting.

My solicitor threatened a restraining order as what she was doing was harrassment and, therfore, illegal.

Sorry that was a bit long and probably no help.

ANTagony Thu 09-Sep-10 15:44:24

There is the one other option of a forced divorce prior to a new partner giving birth. I have no experience of it but i believe there's still something that allows a quicky divorce when a marriage has irreconcilably broken down if there is a new baby about to arrive in the new relationship.

Peoples views on children outside marriage are obviously a very personal thing but what is most important is that where ever possible the actions of his exwife don't encroach on your lives moving forward.

I don't know how long its gone on but there is a point (after years) where you can get a divorce without consent of the other side so it really wont go on for ever.

slimbo Thu 09-Sep-10 15:47:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TechLovingDad Thu 09-Sep-10 16:09:12

The key to how your DP's ex affects your relationship is your DP. He either allows it, or he doesn't.

I'm sure if it was the other way round, he'd have plenty to say. He should show his commitment to you by ensuring that she cannot continue to contact you, like this.

It's her way of still exerting control over him.

nuttymutt Thu 09-Sep-10 16:25:42

I don't think you should HAVE to delete FB either, clearly this woman has no life, does she work or is she yet another BB (benefit bitch) or thinks that the world owes them a living?? Clearly she has too much time on her hands!

However I have blocked and deleted everyone who has, even a loose connection, but there is a program out there that can allow anyone to see FB, even down to chat histories - and my DH psycho (read lazy) ex has hacked my account many a time, now I just keep my updates to do with me.

To be honest my DH ex resorts to subtifuge and underhand tactics to 'get at me' rather that confront me to my face.

Not that it makes it easier, but at least you have this all on txt/email etc should you have to go down the injunction route, people just think I'm paranoid!!

Hope it all improves for you xx

slimbo Thu 09-Sep-10 16:33:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

upsydaisy85 Thu 09-Sep-10 16:39:31

Are we talking about the same ex-wife... Im getting to breaking point with ours now. She's doing exactly what 'yours' is doing, my DP got a text on Monday says 'if only your girlfriend knew who you really were' ha what she doesnt know is I've known him since school.. her giving us shit i can deal with but she is mentally and emotionally 'abusing' my 4year old DSD. Telling her shit that is made up about her dad who she loves. It really gets my goat!!

TechLovingDad the bit about the mobile is spot on, its what our solicitor recommended. Ours is on all the time but on silent and we only ever reply if it is DSD related, I say we reply its usually me as my replys to her are more solicitor friendly grin

slimbo Thu 09-Sep-10 16:51:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nuttymutt Thu 09-Sep-10 16:53:07

Ahhh the old I have nothing tact.... I have, had I should say, all she could see was the nice house ergo he has loads of money now, the girls need this, the girls need that bla bla bla, she's send them round with nothing, I'd be expected to buy party outfits - she still gets her nails done mind you!

Thankfully that has now stopped and she is under no illusion that it's his money - sometimes I feel like a right b**ch but that's a whole different story.

Your DP's right, as hard as it is, ignore it, she will back off (eventually) - does she have a new partner?? Turn your anger into pity, would you behave like it? See it for what it is just a sad person with no life, really doesn't help when you're riled but these forums/boards are a great relief to know you're not alone, even tho your situation may be slightly different.

You are a better person than I to take on 1 daughter full-time, and surely depending on how old the other one is that would reflect on any settlement?

Try and live your life, at least you have DP on your side, many people don;t and eventually she'll run out of steam and friends that can be bothered with her anymore. x

ladydeedy Thu 09-Sep-10 18:07:40

Oh I sympathise. My husband's ex tells everyone who will listen what a terrible dad he is, how she gets "nothing" etc. We too have one of the two children living with us and nothing we do is right. The fact that I have no children of my own somehow makes her think I am incapable and should never be allowed to have any say in my DSD's life.
She has done everything she can to make life difficult (over 10 years!). What I will say though is that she and others like her (like your partner's ex) get their kicks from getting a reaction. Do not react!! If you do this fuels the fire and they love it and will do more and more because they know they are 'winning' by getting at you. It will grind you down.
It is really really tough but you will feel better in yourself if you can visualise her as the pathetic miserable person she is.. Do not give her the power to make you unhappy.
Good luck!!

ladydeedy Thu 09-Sep-10 18:07:41

Oh I sympathise. My husband's ex tells everyone who will listen what a terrible dad he is, how she gets "nothing" etc. We too have one of the two children living with us and nothing we do is right. The fact that I have no children of my own somehow makes her think I am incapable and should never be allowed to have any say in my DSD's life.
She has done everything she can to make life difficult (over 10 years!). What I will say though is that she and others like her (like your partner's ex) get their kicks from getting a reaction. Do not react!! If you do this fuels the fire and they love it and will do more and more because they know they are 'winning' by getting at you. It will grind you down.
It is really really tough but you will feel better in yourself if you can visualise her as the pathetic miserable person she is.. Do not give her the power to make you unhappy.
Good luck!!

colditz Thu 09-Sep-10 18:22:21

AND JUST WHAT THE LIVING FUCK IS A BENEFIT BITCH!!!!!!!!!?????????

shock
angry

colditz Thu 09-Sep-10 19:17:05

No answer?

Was I the only person who saw that little gem?

slimbo Thu 09-Sep-10 19:53:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mjinhiding Thu 09-Sep-10 19:59:10

Message withdrawn

slimbo Thu 09-Sep-10 20:04:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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