Best Sporn Stories - Share Them Here

(39 Posts)
ChampagneCommunist Wed 06-Apr-16 19:32:41

Relive your finest moments here for the edification of your fellow sporners!

PersisFord Wed 06-Apr-16 19:55:34

Ok, I'll start. My dear departed grandad asked me to look at a lump on his back. It was a big blackhead - head the size of a match head I suppose - but with lots of swelling under the skin. I called my mum to come and have a look and we debated what to do. Fortunately I come from a family of sporners, so with granddad's blessing we squeezed it. Prob about a tablespoon full of stinking, thick, cheesey pus. This was before mobile phones so we had to use 2 mirrors to try and show him, and keep passing him bit of tissue to examine. It filled up another couple of times, but that first one was the best.......<drifts off into happy memories>

SandunesAndRainclouds Wed 06-Apr-16 20:04:22

I have the best MIL in the world. She had a large sebaceous cyst on her back that she let me squeeze. I couldn't get enough oomph into it so FIL had a try. It erupted - and hit him straight in the face. It was fabulous and hilarious 😂

VulcanWoman Wed 06-Apr-16 20:05:39

I had a boil on my bum once, my first boil, never had one since though, very painful, had to stay off school, the swelling was probably about the width of my hand. Now as I wasn't educated in these matters, I didn't actually see it in the mirror, hadn't worked out about squatting over the mirror on the floor business, anyhoo, the boil lasted probably a week in total, I had to lie on my stomach, the pain was really bad lying on my back, could hardly walk.
The boil burst as I was turning over, it was like a knife being stabbed into it, straight away the pain went. Off I went to the toilet, pants full of puss/blood, gave it a good squeeze over the toilet, was slightly disappointed I didn't see the core though, was hoping for a big one!

Caken Wed 06-Apr-16 20:31:18

Was on the German exchange, I was 13. They had an amazing bathroom with twin sinks and a long mirror that spanned the length of their bathroom. I didn't even know there was a massive spot on my back until I was in there getting dressed and turned around to check out my outfit. The spot was huge and was willing me to squeeze it.

So squeeze it I did and rather disappointingly I hardly had to work for it, it was ripe for the squeezing. It did that awesome 'pop' and I saw the contents go flying onto that beautiful mirror. I was impressed by its velocity. 17 years on and I still fantasise about that pop, I've not had one as good since then.

fuzzyllama Wed 06-Apr-16 20:47:26

Had a friend who used to suffer from boils. She had one on the back of her arm that she couldn't reach, so myself and another friend tackled it for her. It burst and green liquid shot out at such a force, friend and I both shouted jackpot just as it went bang. She also used to get the darkest chunkiest black heads. All time favourite was the groin boil. I'm salivating at the memory grin

Alohamora Wed 06-Apr-16 21:18:21

I was about 15 when I grew the biggest spot if my life. Thankfully it was on the hairline if my fringe so not visible to the world at large. It was huge and it was painful, it was like I was growing a second head.

Last class of the day I gingerly felt the huge spot and could tell it was ripe and ready to go. You can imagine how keen I was to get home that day!

I met a guy I knew on the way home and we chatted for a bit before heading our separate ways. Trying to be cool I flicked my hair round as I walked away and realised the huge spot had been revealed. Hastily I brushed my fringe down with my hand but in doing so I nudged the huge spot and it burst.

Rivers of pus came out (green and yellow, lumpy) and I was without a hanky and had to resort to using the wee bag my 10p mix had been in. It barely managed to contain the mess.

Got home, ran upstairs and looked in the mirror hoping there would still be something there to squeeze out. No such luck. It was dead sad. I had a hole where it had been.

I still have a massive pore where that spot was, it never recovered. Now and again it will release a hard worm of pus but never again did it grow to the huge size.

Best spot of my life and I missed it!

VulcanWoman Wed 06-Apr-16 21:55:26

I've just squeezed a spot and it squeaked as it popped, had a couple of those in recent times, they're all talk and no action though, as I'm getting older (40's) I still get spots but not so pustulus (is that even a word) if it is it'll be on my favourite word list.

mcdog Wed 06-Apr-16 22:01:23

My DH had a what I thought was quite a small whitehead on his back. I popped it, but it was concealing a huge hard lump behind it. It came out in one glorious long thick strand. I was practically drooling grin

Arfarfanarf Wed 06-Apr-16 22:38:51

My best was a huge one in a personal area.
I was in the shower and i grabbed it and squeezed. It filled my hand. I squeezed hard.
It went with a bang!
Well more accurately i felt a bang and it went thwpp-ppfffppfffttt into my hand.
My hand was full of thick pus and blood and clotted bits.
It was amazing.

My second is the one in my armpit that fills up, i burst it, it leaves a little hole then heals and we start over.

Happy days.

TheDailyWail Thu 07-Apr-16 22:20:39

Best thread ever! grin

SerenityReynolds Fri 08-Apr-16 18:22:19

Great thread. The best story I have (I am disappointingly not prone to boils/blackheads and the like) was also the one that got away. DH had a small lump on his shoulder for years. One week it started looking a bit sore and red. He was due to pick me up from the station and was late. When he turned up, he looked a bit green. He had been in the shower and when he touched the cyst, it went with a pop and all sorts of smelly, toothpaste-like pus. Was envy that I missed it. I had a go at it later that night to see if I could get any more out of it make sure it was properly cleared but I think I missed the main event angry sad. It left a massive pore there though, so hoping it might go again one day.......

CadburysTastesVileNow Mon 11-Apr-16 13:20:37

My left big toe is suddenly very painful. I am hopeful !!

sweetkitty Tue 12-Apr-16 23:07:52

I used to work in a microbiology lab and had a sore toe, one day it was really yellow and sore so I grabbed a sterile needle went into my office and stabbed it, oh the relief. I took a swab of the pus and grew it up in an agar plate.

I had a nasty one on my cheek recently it was a lovely popping mirror hitter.

The all time worst was my 2 year old DD3, she had an infection under her chin, started off hard then went all red and you could see the pus about the size of a £2 coin. I hadn't left it like that she had been to a GP a dentist, OOH Dr and finally A&E who sent us to the Children's Hospital for an emergency op to hate it drained. She had a drain in her face for 3 days and was on IV antibiotics. She was fine it there's part of me would have loved to see what came out of the infection blush

sweetkitty Tue 12-Apr-16 23:09:25

She's 7 now

Mooey89 Wed 13-Apr-16 19:55:57

When I was on honeymoon with my now exh, I found a diamond of untouched blackheads behind his ear. They kept going and going and going. Best day of my life.

It's the only thing I miss about him.

SausageSmuggler Wed 13-Apr-16 23:34:51

I sometimes get those really hard, under the skin spots - the ones that you normally would have to have cut open by a GP. A few years ago I had one on the back of my forearm. Being a sporn addict I kept picking at it and one day I finally got somewhere, a huge ball of pus came out followed by a bit extra that had collected underneath. I haven't had one like that since, sadly. I get loads on my bum for some reason but they aren't as much fun hmm

I'm just loving these stories. I especially like the ones that actually read like porn.

Can we do that more, please?

"I was watching that minx of a blackhead for days, barely able to contain my desire. Finally, one quiet evening..." grin

The sleazier the better. Ta.

TheDailyWail Thu 14-Apr-16 20:22:38

grin

flightywoman Thu 14-Apr-16 21:16:35

When I was a teenager - 15 or 17, can't quite remember! - I had a clutch of boils under my arm that gradually massed into one. They were excruciating, faintingly painful, but something had to be done. And I didn't know about mag sulph or anything like that, so the only advice was to try and draw it with boiling water as hot as I could stand.

I managed over 2 days to get it to gather to a head and when it went it was like the alien bursting out of John Hurt's chest! It hit the mirror beautifully, and kept on going for quite some time.

That was 35 years ago and I still feel a bit trembly at the memory of how painful it actually was!

MrsMarigold Fri 15-Apr-16 09:08:37

When I was 13 I got this enormous boil on my calf, it was so painful, I couldn't even walk properly on that leg as the whole thing swelled up. It was also burning hot, and I had a fever, the doctor recommended a hot poultice to draw it out and then I lanced it, the pus was yellowy green and thick, it fountained out, the relief was huge but it lasted ages, and the skin was terribly bruised, and flakey because it had been so stretched. it left a hole in my leg about 1cm deep, and I still have a scar about the circumference of a five pence piece. Of all the online sporn I've ever seen there has never been anything that huge.

Also when I was 17 I got a boil just under my eye just next to a mole, my eyebrow was raised by about an inch, I was terrified of getting a huge scar on my face so was very careful not to fiddle, I had it drained by the doctor and had a black eye afterwards but it throbbed like hell and loads of smelly yellow gunk came out. I've never felt so ugly in my life.

Skin ok since about 19 and nothing significant since.

Although my Dad has a blackhead on his forehead that is marvellous, he is very protective of it but it's deep and the stuff that comes out is thick and like a really long thick strand of the vilest smelly fettuccine you've ever seen.

slithytove Fri 15-Apr-16 10:09:06

Brilliant thread. Needs pictures though.

Groovee Fri 15-Apr-16 21:28:18

I had a sore but on my bum. Got dh to look before he left for work and it was his ideal spot, but he didn't have time to do it then and there.

Sat down to do story time at work and my spot went! It hurt and I had to just sit there wincing!

Another was a spot on my boob. Wasn't going away, so was in the shower and had a wee push about when a huge lump of hard pis popped out!

AuntieMaryHadACanary Fri 15-Apr-16 22:04:09

A huge blackhead on my nose when I was about 15. I still remember it clearly, it had been a big lump on my nose for ages, which I eventually picked, and it formed a scab. When the scab came off, underneath was the biggest blackhead. It took several squeezes, as out came the longest thickest worm of hard pus I have ever seen.
Ah the happy memories.

Littleorangecat Sat 16-Apr-16 18:19:28

When I was about 15 I became aware my leg was sore at the top, near my groin but further down a bit. I left it a few days hoping it would go away, but it got to the point I was wincing sitting down and it was pointing through my tights like a little gross mountain. I got a mirror and tissues and squeezed.... What come out was a little pearl like marble, it was properly round. Never seen anything like it since!

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