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Mumsnetters share with Cancer Research UK the life admin that they never get around to doing, including updating or writing their Will

(314 Posts)
LucyBMumsnet (MNHQ) Mon 20-Jan-20 10:30:56

This sponsored discussion is now closed. Thank you to everyone who posted on this thread.

Often when we have children, it feels impossible to find the time to do anything that isn’t absolutely crucial…and before you know it, there are things on your to-do-list which have been on there for well over a year or decade. Those little jobs around the house, buying a gift for your OH, clearing out the wardrobe or – one you might not have thought of – sorting out your Will. With this in mind, Cancer Research UK would like to hear about the things you struggle to get around to doing.

Here’s what Cancer Research UK has to say: “We know that updating your Will or writing one from scratch can be a daunting prospect, and one of those things that you might feel just isn’t a priority right now. However, we think writing a Will is far too important to ignore; if you don’t, not only could you leave your loved ones with distressing admin, but it also means the law would decide how your estate is distributed – and this might not be in line with your wishes. Cancer Research UK offer a Free Will Service open to anyone over the age of 18 which guides you through the process step by step, and you can have your Will written within 30 minutes, and tick that job off your list.”

What are the odd-ends you never seem to get around to doing? What are the things that stand in the way of you sorting these out? Where does writing or updating your Will feature on your to-do list (if at all!)? Do you think Cancer Research UK’s Free Will Service would help you?

All who share their thoughts and feelings on the thread below will be entered into a prize draw where 3 lucky MNers will each win a £100 voucher for a store of their choice (from a list).

Thanks and good luck,
MNHQ

Insight T&Cs apply

*If you'd like to find out more about CRUK’s Free Will Service and legacy gifts please click here

StealthPolarBear Mon 20-Jan-20 15:23:58

The issue for us is who would look after our children if we died together. There are two obvious solutions and ideally we'd want 'joint' custody between both. We just have no idea if that's possible. And all the usual stuff, what to cook for tea is more important than planning for an event you desperately hope never happens.

ErinSophia Mon 20-Jan-20 15:30:32

I've never got round to writing a will, I don't know how to and it seems a bit morbid but maybe if I got more information on it from Cancer Research then I would think differently. X

BuzzShitbagBobbly Mon 20-Jan-20 15:37:02

I'm single with no children. I have a Will, I have all the various nomination forms filled in for my work life insurance etc and I have told all my family about my donor/resuscitation wishes etc.

What I don't have is a "Dying Tidily" log, where all my accounts and various providers are listed, to give my family an easy glance at everything they need to sort. Financial as well as things like memorialising social media accounts too.

I may also think about prepaying a funeral as well.

RunningKatie Mon 20-Jan-20 16:22:43

We have wills, we did them after we got married and bought a house.
What we are lacking is life cover for me, my policy is old and wouldn't really go far to help DH and the DC if anything were to happen to me.
It's on my mind, but so are buying birthday presents, making a cake and a million other things.

YukoandHiro Mon 20-Jan-20 16:39:24

For anyone reading this who doesn't have a Will yet, please please get one - especially if you don't have children. A member of my extended family died without one, leaving behind a significant estate, debts and with tons of legal obligations - but nobody properly briefed on the situation or expecting/wanting to be responsible. It was a total nightmare. Also meant tricky issues about who legally inherited in this unexpected situation and who also felt they should have inherited. Don't do this to your family.

IHadADreamWhichWasNotAllADream Mon 20-Jan-20 16:42:18

Stealth can I please implore you to put the guardianship issue to one side for the moment and just make a sodding will. If your DC have two competent parents then the chances of you both dying simultaneously are tiny, and guardianship choices made in a will aren’t even legally binding: they’re highly persuasive but when it comes to the crunch children are not property to be bequeathed. Yes it’s highly desirable to have these conversations, to discuss them with your preferred guardians and to leave money appropriately for your DCs’ upbringing, but if it’s causing problems then it shouldn’t be allowed to delay making a will to deal with the financial consequences of a single death - which is a hundred times more likely to happen. Guardianship wishes can be dealt with by codicil when you’ve worked them out.

This is particularly crucial if the position if you died intestate is not what you’d wish if you made a will. If you’re happily married in an unblended family then dying without leaving a will would be messy, undesirable and an imposition on your bereaved loved ones, but probably not the end of the world. If you’re cohabiting, separated from an abusive STBXH, a step-parent, the childfree offspring of a deadbeat father, etc etc then dying intestate could be catastrophic.

Caveat: ignore the bit about putting off guardianship decisions if you are your DCs’ only competent parent or highly likely to become so soon - obviously in that case it’s an essential part of your will.

ImportantWater Mon 20-Jan-20 16:42:49

We do have wills, like PP did them when moved house.
What I do not have is a current driving license. I never drive but I should. Before I can, I need refresher lessons. Before I get lessons I need to update my licence. What is stopping me is a nagging fear that I will have to retake the test as it has been so long since I last drove/ renewed license, and general procrastination, probably driven by the fact I don’t really want to drive.
I also need to sort out my pension which I haven’t paid into since having children. The barrier to that is not knowing where all my paperwork is. And need to sort my bank account which didn’t used to have fees and now seems to. The barrier to doing that is hating going to see the bank because they want to talk to me about insurance, mortgage, etc as well as whatever I want to discuss.

IHadADreamWhichWasNotAllADream Mon 20-Jan-20 16:47:56

Who would be your beneficiaries if you died tomorrow without a will ErinSophia? That’s a good place to start, and will tell you how urgent it is to correct it with a will.
www.gov.uk/inherits-someone-dies-without-will/y

LucyBMumsnet (MNHQ) Mon 20-Jan-20 16:53:27

Hi @ErinSophia,

Thanks for your post. Cancer Research UK have asked us to share with you this page with the hope that it will give you some more information on will writing and leaving a legacy gift in your will.

DisgruntledGuineaPig Mon 20-Jan-20 17:02:55

Weve never got round to writing wills because we've struggled with the "who gets the kids if we both die" issue.

I think weve agreed on my db, but should get this done this year.

AuntieMarys Mon 20-Jan-20 18:28:20

Exdh and I had wills as soon as the DC were born 20 odd years ago. I updated my own will on divorce, and again when I remarried at 58. Powers of Attorney in place for both financial and social care.
Remarrying brings issues about inheritance, and I plan to review my will regularly. I don't want my money going to his children for example.
I don't think its morbid at all..its planning for something which is going to happen. My direct cremation is sorted too.

BristolMum96 Mon 20-Jan-20 18:28:44

I made a will when we bought our first home, after marriage and the birth of our child. But I think I will frequently forget to keep it up to date. It's not something you really think about often.

Mummymummums Mon 20-Jan-20 18:51:04

I don't renegotiate my utilities as often as I could, and won't use the services that do this automatically as have heard horror stories. Also rubbish at sorting junk drawers.
My Will was ok, but have had to rethink Guardians for the DC as the relatives we picked just aren't appropriate now as we barely see them, but there are different relatives who have got closer. So I need a codicil to change that - just need to get round to it! Having said that, I've made my wishes clear in writing to a good trusted friend and I'm certain the original guardians would decline the appointment anyway and the new ones would just apply for guardianship without contest if the worst happened.

torthecatlady Mon 20-Jan-20 18:51:24

We've written our wills, it was really quick and painless to be honest, but we did put it off for ages.
I need to file some paperwork but I never seem to get around to it so it just piles up on the side blush

DonPablo Mon 20-Jan-20 18:53:15

Yep, it's the wills we keep putting off. Ridiculous. I'm booking an appointment on the basis of this thread. Thanks for the nudge!

MadCatLadypuss Mon 20-Jan-20 19:07:54

We haven't got round to writing our wills. It is the guardian for our dd that is the part that concerns me.

MonetManet Mon 20-Jan-20 19:37:57

I’m currently sorting out a will, thanks to this thread. I’d honestly just not thought about it, so thank you!

sharond101 Mon 20-Jan-20 19:40:05

I need to sort out a will, put it off for years along with decorating the lounge and clearing out the freezer.

Ttcbabybennett Mon 20-Jan-20 19:46:33

I genuinely didn’t know it could be done in half an hour! I don’t know why I thought it’d be more of an onerous task, that’s definitely moved up on my lost of priorities now.... if only it was as quick and easy to sort the loft, change all my details with my new married surname (doctors and Littlewoods still none the wiser!!) oh and I really need to stop putting off sending thank you cards or any cards for that matter blush

Tequilamockinbird Mon 20-Jan-20 19:47:00

I really need to sort my will. Have put it off for so long thinking that other things take priority. I'll definitely have a look at the cancer research link this weekend when I'm home and make myself do it this time!

Chocolatemice Mon 20-Jan-20 19:55:18

I’ve never written a will. I have nothing of value, God knows what anyone will do about my debts. If I die, sbxh will get custody of lo.

I need to attach my wardrobe to the wall, so it doesn’t fall over.

EmpressLesbianInChair Mon 20-Jan-20 20:09:42

I’m single, childfree & planning to stay that way so my will was pretty straightforward. The Dying Tidily list somebody mentioned upthread is an excellent idea though.

Iwillgotothegym Mon 20-Jan-20 20:19:56

I’ve never made a will. Currently straightforward inheritance but that may not be the case in the future. I won’t have anyone to deal with my estate at all, certainly not close by. I just feel morbid thinking about it which isn’t great for MH.

Summergarden Mon 20-Jan-20 21:04:48

I have made a will, we made it a priority straight after DC1 was born.

However, I’ve been meaning to see if we need to update it at all as we have since that more DCs and other things have changed such as property ownership. I’ve no idea how often wills need to be reviewed and whether the original solicitor would charge a smaller fee for a review or the full whack again? 🤔

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