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NOW CLOSED: When are you too old to ask your parents for financial help? Discuss this topic with Barclays - £150 JL voucher to be won

(190 Posts)
AnnMumsnet (MNHQ) Mon 26-Nov-12 16:52:44

Hello - you may know we are working with Barclays on all things money.

This week they have launched a big campaign to get people talking - they want to know what you think about home buying and money topics.

The team at Barclays say "We want to hear what Mumsnetters think about home-buying and the money dilemmas you face around property for your family. The topic in this thread is about how you deal with financial help in your family relationships between children and parents. We have three questions this week, and the question on this thread is "When are you too old to ask your parents for financial help?"

The other two questions asked this week are:

Are you saving for retirement or your child's deposit? and

Is it still a home if you don't own it?

Please share your thoughts on this thread - please note, there are no right or wrong answers and the question will mean different things to different MNers.

Add your thoughts and you'll be entered into a prize draw where one winner will get a £150 John Lewis voucher.

Thanks MNHQ

PS Please note your comments along with your MN name may be used on the Barclays pages on Mumsnet and elsewhere.

PPS We'll do the draws for all three threads on Tuesday.

janglebells2013 Sun 09-Dec-12 13:42:18

i don't think you are ever too old but it depends on individual circumstances. when both parents and 'children' are adults, family is there to help one another out, so whoever is in a better position financially will help the other when necessary. my mum paid the insurance on my car as i didn't have the money. i never asked though - but she knew i didn't have the money and offered. if i was in dire straights i would ask, but if it were the other way around and it was me who was financially secure i would be making sure i was helping them out when needed.

Emphaticmaybe Sun 09-Dec-12 14:23:56

Like most people I don't think age is relevant - it is the circumstances of both parties that are important.

The financial security of the giver and the extent of the need of the recipient are the most important factors. It is easier (or perhaps less guilt inducing) to ask and receive help from your parents if you know it will have little or no impact on the quality of their lifestyle and especially if you know they were also helped financially by their own parents. You just become part of a cycle and in turn you will help your own children. I think this is a big part of what family means - support in whichever way appropriate.

Also sometimes it is much easier for the parent to give financial help rather than practical or emotional support - writing a cheque is a much easier option for some people.

MavisGrind Sun 09-Dec-12 20:14:34

I have recently borrowed money from my parents in order to buy a house (am a lone parent in my forties). I don't like the fact that I've had to borrow it but there was no way I could do it otherwise. My parents offered to help, I wouldn't have asked.

So I think it's not about how old you are but the circumstances, whether or not it was offered or asked for and what it might do to your relationship subsequently (i.e. is it something that's hanging over you).

If my 2 dcs needed financial help in adulthood, I would do all I could to help them, but again, dependant on circumstance, need and ability to help on my part.

PavlovtheCat Sun 09-Dec-12 21:36:34

dilly i know what you mean, my MIL always insists of paying for our meals, and my mum when she was alive, well she was not any better off than me but insisted on paying for meals and it was nice to be treated and I know they enjoy doing it. I always try to pay and so make it up in another way.

We asked our MIL for some financial help. She was/is in the financial position to do so. We had building work go wrong due to a builder who messed it up, and it cost us a lot of money to put the bad workmanship right, to make it safe and liveable. We borrowed the money from her. She has told us not to pay it back at all, but we are clear we wanted a loan due to the amount we needed.

She felt pleased she could help and that it avoided us having to take bank loan which we would have struggled to pay back as DH also lost his job around the same time. We had to ask, rather that it be offered as she lives in USA so would not have known we needed it without asking. If she were here she would have offered without us asking. We felt comfortable and able to do so.

If she were not in a financial position to help, we would not have asked.

So, it is not about age. As others have said, it is about circumstances. And I hope, that when my children are in their 30's, should they have a financial difficulty that they need my help with, they ask me, if I don't offer first, I will be glad to help them.

PavlovtheCat Sun 09-Dec-12 21:38:24

We borrowed the money from her - should read, we borrowed some of the money from her. We had a fallback fund, but due to the extensive messup, it needed more than finishing, it was a full on remedial job so cost more than our contigency fund, and then some!

whatagreatname Sun 09-Dec-12 23:15:50

I don't think that age comes into it really, some parents will be in a better position to help financially than others and I know that if my can ever help me or my sister out they always will.

I know I would do the same for my children, whatever age.

LadyLapsang Sun 09-Dec-12 23:18:39

Financially independent from 18, wouldn't dream of asking for money from parents / parents in law. Both DH & I fully paid up for state pension and now have more savings than mortgage. Paying more into work / private pensions and saving to be in a position to give DS a deposit to buy a home when he is ready. Also trying to minimise DS student loan, he hasn't taken it out this year. Main bugbear, I made financial decisions earlier on (e.g. to return to work straight from maternity leave) based on retiring at 60 (the position at the time) so feel betrayed that now the Government expects me to wait until I am 67 for my state pension when I was fully paid up in my 40s - crazy; personally I would prefer a return to 40 years contributions for a full state pension. Not being able to really rely on the Government or employers (entitlement changes and employers are closing final salary pension schemes which mean you will be likely to suffer a reduction in retirement income even with AVCs etc.) makes it v difficult to plan well for retirement.

GetKnitted Mon 10-Dec-12 10:01:34

Since finishing education I have never asked my parents for anything, though they have given us much. For me as soon as you are earning it is down to you to live within your means. That said, I do think that families should help each other out in an emergency (not just parents!) and that it is preferable to pay day loans etc.

ClothNappyQuestion Mon 10-Dec-12 17:53:28

I think this very much depends on your relationship with your parents. Since finished my degree I have not asked my parents for any financial contributions. Sometimes they have given money as a gift at xmas but it would have to be a dire emergency for me to ask for money I think.

fabulousathome Mon 10-Dec-12 17:53:33

My parents have helped with house deposit (DH had a flat when I met him) but only after we were married. Also gave a monthly percentage towards private school fees for secondary school DSs place. Have also taken us on holidays (e.g. USA) with their grandchildren.

They gave a set amount per month to both DSs while they were at Uni so that they did not have to get jobs but could do unpaid work experience to enhance their CVs. We realise that we are all v lucky!

racingheart Mon 10-Dec-12 19:21:39

The last time I asked for help was in a sandwich year from university, when I was living abroad and had to pay my own course fees. My parents paid the fees but I had to work to meet bills.

My parents offered to help with the deposit on my first flat, and I am forever grateful that they did.

FreelanceMama Tue 11-Dec-12 12:29:25

You're never too old to ask for help. You may be too proud to though.
I hope our son always feels he can ask for help rather than get into really bad financial difficulties. But it also works the other way - parents need to feel that they can ask for or accept help from their children if they need it.

Fillybuster Tue 11-Dec-12 13:14:43

I don't think you are ever too old to ask for help, but I do think there comes a point where you can no longer expect it to be easily forthcoming.

My parents (and PIL) have been enormously supportive over the years, and we did ask for some support (of the loan type) when we recently bought our house. But we did also have a Plan B in place in case they couldn't help us....and with other siblings, and their own retirements/pensions to think about, we were very careful about what sort of help we asked for and how quickly we would be able to pay back the loan.

AnnMumsnet (MNHQ) Tue 11-Dec-12 16:54:18

prettybird wins the £150 JL voucher for posting on this thread

prettybird Tue 11-Dec-12 22:34:56

What a lovely treat just before Christmas! smile

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