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tired of SN tonight

(5 Posts)
cory Tue 08-Sep-09 20:59:44

You can all come and pour me drinks, folks.

Ds (admittedly too young to qualify for this end of the forum) is in too much pain to walk tonight and heaven knows how I'm going to get him to school tomorrow. He's been having so many episodes lately: I think it's a matter of weeks before we go out to get that second wheelchair.

Dd stormed from the dinner table in tears because I happened to mention that I will write to her PE teacher that she can't do any jumps.

Apparently I am ruining her life if she's not allowed to do the high jump. The high jump!!! She's had chronic pain for 5 years, she spent the best part of last term in a wheelchair, she has disabled transport and is not allowed to walk up stairs at school, and she thinks she's going to do the bloody high jump angry

Just as we thought we'd got onto some sort of even keel, these wretched teen hormones have to strike. sad

I know it's horrible for her, but I am also worried. She's not a little girl, she has to take responsibility, I can't watch her every minute of the day. Am also terrified that she will mess up the (limited) support I have managed to get her.

cory Fri 11-Sep-09 09:22:28

I've waited 3 days for this drink- at this rate I'll have to go out and buy myself a corkscrew!

<sobs neglectedly into her handkerchief>

maryz Fri 11-Sep-09 09:42:59

I'm sorry I only just saw this. I can only offer sympathy. It really isn't fair. When I see my friends and their hopes for their children, all I want is for ds to be happy, and that doesn't look likely.

You expect parenting to get easier as they get older and then you discover than instead of battling the system, you are battling your child as well sad.

I suppose your children will have to learn for themselves what they can and cannot do. Currently my ds (AS and 15) is out of school, no plans for the future and believes that using drugs is just like having the occasional drink. So I can't even join you for the glass of wine. I have had to stop drinking to try and prove a point (as in he says if he has a joint, just like me having a glass of wine.....).

cory Fri 11-Sep-09 11:01:44

thank you maryz, sympathy much appreciated

I suppose it's harder for them really: being confronted with their limitations all the time on top of the usual teenage angst

your son's thing about joints sounds creepily familiar; it's what all my friends used to say back in the '80s; I suppose there's no use in pointing out to him that joints are a damn sight stronger these days

it must be scary for him really, not knowing quite where he can go, or what his limitations are; I'm sure it's fear, really

thinking about it, I was pretty unrealistic myself at that age; it's just that in dd's case I get the feeling that she is going to need so much realism to get her through iyswim

her other trick is to sulk because I failed to take this job abroad last year- she seems to believe that she genuinely could have reinvented herself and become a new person= non-disabled, if we only relocated. The thing is, she always feels so much better when we're on holiday there. But that's on holiday, in the summer, when the sun shines and she can go in the sea every day and doesn't have to get up for school. That is no predictor for how she would feel in November, with the Atlanctic gales howling down and all her friends out climbing the mountains.

maryz Fri 11-Sep-09 13:17:40

It is very hard for teens to be different, even in the smallest way. I think ds just puts it to one side and really believes all the things he says to me about how great his life and all his "friends" (mostly drop-outs, drug users and dealers, wasters) are. If he had to face up to the reality of what his life is becoming he wouldn't cope.

I suppose for your daughter it is easier for her to blame you for making decisions than to accept her limitations - after all accepting limitations is usually the thing that teenagers are told not to do. She probably really believes that she CAN manage, it may just be to scary to face up to the fact that she can't.

As parents it is so hard to accept. When they are small you put so much energy into fighting the system that it is horrible to be resented for it. And as teens I suppose it is their job to blame us for everything anyway! I hope you are feeling a bit better today.

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