Lightblub moment. I think my DD has ADHD. Can someone give me advice?

[lockdownloverofwine]

My 15yr old DD is studying (well not studying) for her mocks.
All her life she has lacked concentration but always top sets at school so just thought bit lazy.
We have supported her every step of the way, sat beside her, coached her etc but now it's getting ridiculous.

She was always a 'good girl' at primary. Popular as she was fun. Every homework needed to be coached but she ok as very bright. Never read ever. We bought her hundreds of books. Said couldn't concentrate for long enough.

Secondary school has been horrendous. State comp. No streaming (apart from maths) so excelled as majority in class did nothing. no homework ever.
Reports always good enough.
Major friendship issues as she moved from the good girls to the bad girls and got into boys.
She has made so may rash, impulse choices. No thought of consequences. Caught drinking and went AWOL away to meet some boy she met online!
I honestly had no idea what was going on in her head and she said she didn't know why she did it too!
Lockdown actually a blessing as I worried she would end up in major trouble or dead! Her moods were that extreme.

Fast forward to now and the bad girls have ditched her long ago as wasn't allowed to break lockdown rules and go out partying in summer. I think she was sort of glad of the excuse.

Back at school and new nice friends. I can tell she's a bit bored with the lack of drama though. Testing is constant and again if we coach (night before when she has meltdown) her she excels but these have only been topic tests.
She has no notes at all. I spent lockdown printing off school notes and organising in folders etc. Ignores all this and starts to try and revise from some random website. She cannot focus for any longer than 10-15mins.
She's overwhelmed I know. She has asked me to help make her revision timetables. We must have made about 10!
Last year I got her 'life coaching' counselling sessions. Recently got 12 sessions of CBT. Said neither helped.
She has huge inflated ideas of what she wants to do- need straight As. She can't correlate that with doing work!

Her room is like a bomb site and I used to get so annoyed but now I just clean and tidy it hoping she will make her calmer.
Her mood swings are absolutely horrendous and we all walk on eggshells around her waiting for the next outburst. She is like a toddler making these mad plans with friends then being upset when they say they aren't allowed as pandemic!
She will crash and burn these mocks as 18months of work to do and not opened a book.
She could pass some as bright but she fully expects all As and will be devastated when she underachieves.
I always thought it was just laziness but she seriously seems unable to concentrate and jumps from thing to thing at 100 miles an hour. She is so impulsive without thought of outcome. So so disorganised. She loses everything and forgets everything. Her mind seems so cluttered.
She has no hyperactivity though so I never considered ADHD before

[lemonsaretheonlyfruit]

Hi. My DD is a bit younger than yours (14) but sounds very similar. I went through a similar thought process to you and got her assessed 6 weeks ago and it was conclusive.

It was a bit of a relief to be able to understand the reasons behind the behaviour and stress of the last 18 months. She scored most highly on inattentiveness which seems is normally hyperactivity in boys.

You are probs not aware the waiting list fir an assessment is 2 years or so in some areas so we went private.

They do ask you to fill out a questionnaire before you actually decide to go ahead with the assessment so you would probably have a fairly good idea if it's worth parting with the money or not.

Good luck

[sunflowertango]

Please go to the GP for a referral. This sounds a lot like me and adult life only got harder. It was mentioned at various times as a child and adult but assessment never completes Wait at the moment is 35months for an assessment here. Go private if you can

[lockdownloverofwine]

Thank you. I go from thinking maybe it will be ok when she has a good day to thinking she's cracking up from the stress of exams. She seems like she can't settle or think straight.
I feel stressed when I go in her shithole of a room. It's chaos. I used to shout at her to tidy it. Sometimes she would chuck stuff in drawers. Clean and dirty clothes mixed up.
Now I sometimes go in and quietly tidy and organise but she loses the plot about that too,

I think about her and her mental state most of the time and I thought maybe last few months she was bipolar but the more I read up on girls with ADHD she ticks all the boxes!

Can I please ask did you need a report from the school?
The school will say no problem I imagine. She's not focused but not a troublemaker. Low A/B in most tests but what they won't realise it's because every test or assignment we were there holding and coaching every single time!
The few tests we didn't know about she failed completely. She's at a very average state Comp and they would class her as a good student.
She is so rash and her thinking so skewed. I worry she could just go AWOL some day if we push her too much. It's such a fine line. We walk on eggshells around her.
He maturity is definitely much lower than her peers by maybe 3/4 years.

[mandes1]

Hi, my son is 13 and tonight I showed him a list of ADHD symptoms. he has every single one.

I could have written your posts to be honest. My son is aggressive and so impulsive. Sometimes he is prone to borderline depressive episodes and threats of suicide, although these have lessened lately. I have taken him to the doctor for help but they brushed it off and told me to get him a hobby. Nothing could persuade my boy to take up anything (other than football).

I really fear for his future relationships and career prospects. He has a lot of friends now, but I fear that he won't have if he continues this way.

He attends an independent school but does the bare minimum so always gets the comments that 'if x was to focus more...etc'. I am wondering whether I should get him assessed, but then what would be the point? I know in my heart that he has ADHD, but I am not sure I would want him medicated. He had six sessions with an online counsellor, but he made out that everything was ok so there was no follow up.

Tonight my son acknowledged he has a problem and wants me to help him. I feel so sad for him and want him to be happy as he is not most of the time. I have read about CBT sessions being quite helpful - does anyone know of anywhere that provides this for children Also I have heard that CBD oil is effective for children with ADHD / autism.

I have three other children and to be honest, i feel so stressed and pretty crap most of the time. i just want an end to it.

Thanks for listening x