Holiday respite care 16yo dd with MH/anxiety issues

[NotTodayDear]

Hi - hoping for some help and advice on here. I’m a single parent with a dd with MH issues (self harm, depression, anxiety, severe social anxiety etc etc) who spends 99% of her life in her bedroom by herself. I also have a younger son and after a recent spate of bereavements, no family within a couple of hundred miles. So I’ve not had a break from my dd for some years and tbh I’m exhausted.

I’ve (foolishly) booked a short holiday at new year for me, my bf and the kids. Problem is, my daughter has form for ducking out at the last minute, refusing to leave the house to go to the airport and I’ve lost two or three holidays because of this when she was younger as I had no alternative but to stay at home with her.

Now she’s 16 she thinks she can stay at home by herself. I don’t think this is a great plan but she’s adamant, and she thinks this means she’s okay to back out of the holiday at the last minute and it’ll all be okay.

I’ve had an amazingly shitty year and I’m desperate for a holiday. Does anyone have any ideas for where I could find someone to look after her, more on a checking in basis than 24/7 care, which she doesn’t need? And what’s the legal position about her being at home by herself, if that’s her choice? She’s deemed to have mental capacity btw.

Thanks in advance for your help.

[April2020mom]

Do you have any carers or not? It’s time to consider contacting adult social services for a assessment of her needs. They will also be able to answer your questions as well. Regarding your upcoming holiday you can advise her it’s best for her to come with you guys. If she does have the capability to understand she needs to realise she needs help while you are away from her. Start looking at all of the options now.

[anniehm]

Look for a university aged student who could keep her company, reassure you but crucially not exactly look after her, she wants space and to grow up. We were fortunate as dh is in higher ed so PhD students are easy for us to bribe with sky tv, a fridge full of food/wine and a bit of cash.

DD's now older so can leave them. Dd is autistic with extreme anxiety and the first time we left her alone she was 18 and coped fine, holidays are her idea of hell. My neighbours looked out for her that time not that she needed that.