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(10 Posts)
user9000 Fri 15-Dec-17 16:27:59

It's no wonder we parents of challenging children feel so alone. Posts about parking disputes get more responses than ours.

I have been really struggling with my asperger's teen. I have almost given up on him. He's 15 but I have had nothing but trouble with him for all his life, even pregnancy and birth were difficult. Don't get me wrong, we've tried everything --- hours and hours of social skills classes, psychology classes, OT, help from local ASD groups, hours spent talking to teachers, hours spent trying to help him find hobbies or social, special camps that he still managed to get kicked out of....and still every week it's emails from teachers saying about what wrong things he is doing at school.

I can't take anymore. He is a selfish and close minded person because of his aspergers. How much can you help a mental problem like that? I have no family or friends to fall back on for any support, even to have a whinge with. His father only sees him 1 day per week. He doesn't seem to see other people's points of view, he doesn't even like the dog in his room (and he's the friendliest dog ever). I can't win. I feel like I don't want this kid anymore and he is realizing it.

I have fought and fought and fought for him and tried my best for years to see things from his side, with his needs and issues, to argue with his teachers. I can't do it anymore. I am completely burnt out of him.

I feel resentment at him ruining my life in the sense that I had to give up work because he was always getting kicked out of daycare or after school care or had to be taken out of school for periods of time. I had to move to somewhere where I have no friends to find him a school which could accomodate him. My XH had a long commute because of the move and it helped add more pressure to divorce. I feel my XH wanted away from the stress of our son.

I have done everything I could for this kid and I have not got anymore in me.

I know no one is going to answer this because all of us parents of kids like this are alone.

ModernContinental Sun 17-Dec-17 13:57:37

I'm non-working, caring parent to slightly younger child sounding similar to your son.
Incredibly alone, isolated, depressed most of the time.

Shit time of year.

Jamala Sun 17-Dec-17 14:07:08

Hi, it's so painful to feel alone with this kind of struggle I know. I understand how depressing and isolating it is as asperger's is in my family and my husband's family. It is hard to live with those who have it. Can you find a counsellor who can support you and be there for you while things are feeling especially stressful? To feel at the end of your tether is not good. There are counsellors who have particular knowledge of the challenges of asperger's syndrome and the BACP site might be a good place to search for one in your area. Sending you warm thoughts and hugs.

SukiTheDog Mon 25-Dec-17 22:18:56

First of all user9000 I’ll say “Merry Christmas”. Please know, there are lots of mums (and it usually is the mums) who do all the loving and caring and crying and hoping and despairing. I have a 17 yr old with asd. He was, like your son, a difficult baby and child and what I have now is a young man crippled with OCD and suicidal thoughts. He is friendless. He had a shit time at school. He’s gone to college at entry level. Today, Christmas Day, he’s spent in his room, coming down only when forced to, for some food. He barely eats or speaks and the isolation is horrendous for him. And me. Every day. I’ve no advice for you but you are not alone, honestly. flowers for you.

anniehm Sat 30-Dec-17 09:00:48

When dd was 15 it was really hard, she wasnt staying in class more than an hour a day, i was at the gp 2-3 times a week - came to a head with my saint of a dr dumping her list on her collegues, calling cahms and telling them she wasnt getting off the phone until she got answers and a plan was sorted. We got an appointment that day with a mental health nurse specialist who only saw teen asd patients - a real turning point. We started dd on medication, but the weekly sessions were invaluable too as dd connected with her nurse.

If things are too much, go to your dr, they can help - a friends daughter whose asd is "worse" was given inpatient care when her parents couldnt cope.

AliceBanned Sat 30-Dec-17 14:26:49

It is rubbish and I absolutely understand your feelings of isolation. My 15 year old with aspergers spends his school holidays alone and bored and nobody ever invites him to anything. He is polite and well behaved and everyone says what a lovely young man he is but because he lacks the ability to form and maintain his own friendships, unless I organise and take him along to stuff like a much younger child, other young people just don't include him. Sometimes I feel angry towards my friends with teens because I think they could encourage their children to include my son but I know this is unreasonable and so we just exist alone in our bubble. Sorry, I know this is not helpful for you but I so identify with you as I am sitting here in tears as I just read on FB about how friends' teens are having to 'party hop' on New Years Eve because they have so many social invitations while my son will be lonely as usual. sad Wishing you all the best for 2018 flowers.

GlampingQueen Mon 01-Jan-18 17:35:25

My 12 year old daughter asked me today why she never gets asked to do anything by the other girls at school and my heart just broke for her. Her psychiatrist warned us that this was the age at which she'd start to realise she was different to her peers and to be aware of the resulting risk of depression.

It's just shit. We're in Australia, in the middle of the long summer holidays and she's realising how isolated she is socially compared to her brother and sister. She's sweet and funny but her communication problems and massive anxiety on top means she can barely speak to people apart from me, her dad and her brother and sister. I can't blame the other girls but it would mean the world to her just to get asked to hang out even just one time.

@alicebanned Parents of NT kids just don't get it. A little bit of off-hand kindness by them could be life changing to our kids.

HopeBreedsEternalMisery Thu 04-Jan-18 16:19:37

Hi ladies!

I was once like your children. I’m 18, I have ASD (diagnosed at 11) and even if I can’t give another mother’s perspective, I can definitely give you one of someone who knows exactly what your children are going through.

I had a really rough time at secondary school, my friendship groups changed all the time, simply because they couldn’t handle the fact I had autism. I was referred to CAMHS at the age of 13 (one of the best decisions that was made) because I was missing so much school because of my mental health. I used to have a really bad ‘stomach ache’ and ‘feel sick’ but I found out that it was my mental health playing tricks on me, so I thought I was physically ill when in reality, everything was fine on that front. I went to CAMHS for a few months, which helped me a lot. I still use some of the coping strategies that the lovely nurse I saw suggested smile

Sixth form and University (so far anyway) was a much better time. My friendship groups never changed, because they accepted me. My mental health improved so much, and I can honestly say I’m 100% happy.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel, it might just take a little longer for you all to see that light. flowers tell your children you love them unconditionally, treat them, make them feel special, but take care of yourselves too. I couldn’t be more grateful to my parents for helping me through a really rough time, even when they were dealing with their own affairs.

You’re doing well.

Have a lovely evening flowers

GlampingQueen Sat 06-Jan-18 11:57:35

Thank you so much for your post @HopeBreedsEternalMisery

Iluvthe80s Sat 13-Jan-18 21:23:46

Autism UK support group on FB is helpful and supportive. We are on pathway to ASD diagnosis for our 15 year old son-just waiting for 3di assessment date.

I too have fought and fought for everything we currently have in place. and I am exhausted. Our 11 year old daughter is traumatised and having counselling because of the violence and threats she witnessed last year (we never left him alone with her, so he did not physically hurt her), but threatened to kill us all several times.

he is in trouble with the police and smoking weed regularly which i absolutely hate. Sometimes I do not recognise him as our boy. I love him, but at times I hate him and then have to remember he has ADHD and most probably ASD.

Today he told us all to F off, raised his voice, punched a wall. I told him to get out. We;ve had to call the police on him before and I would do it again if i needed to. If this were a relationship, it would be considered abusive and I would have left by now.

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