Name changed for this as I don't want it linked to my normal account.
This is likely to be long, so please bear with me!
DNephew (16) is diagnosed aspergers, and displays many of the traits, including an unawareness generally of social boundaries. He is very bright, and functions well generally, but occasionally it becomes apparent that he is missing some quite large chunks of normal social development. He is immature, both emotionally and sexually, for his age. I would say he is functioning at about 10/11 years for these things.
He was the product of a dysfunctional relationship between my sister and his dad, when they were living in a hostel (huge backstory which is not relevant here!) and were both 19. The end result was that, at 18mo, his dad left and my sister became a single parent.
He had a chaotic upbringing, due to DSis (as then) undiagnosed aspergers. She also suffers from depression. This means she struggles with basic things like personal hygiene, and keeping her flat tidy. Even though we were only teenagers, me and my other sister basically raised DN between us, always making sure he had everything he needed, attending parents evenings, taking him (and paying for) various clubs he wanted to join etc etc. There was a concern as he was growing up that, in some ways, DSis sort of substituted him into the role of boyfriend (no abuse suspected, but things like bed-sharing when its way past appropriate and going on 'dates' on valentines day). She has not had a relationship since he was about 3.
At 11 he confided in my other sister that his mum was hitting him. She took him straight to my parents, when he moved in with the provision that his mum would get help and work towards him moving home. He still lives with my parents 5 years later. He has a good relationship with his mum, but they are more like friends than mother/ son.
He attended mainstream primary, but behaviour was always an issue. He is very impulsive and once he got to secondary school became harder to contain. He went through 2 secondary schools, and was finally offered a place at a specialist residential school for boys with aspergers. I see him now every week, and he has done brilliantly since being there!
Anyway, now you've got the background here's the issue - on Friday we were at my Grandmas house. DN and my DD (4) disappeared upstairs. There have been incidents previously with him not being very nice to her, so I was a bit concerned and went to look for them. I found them in a spare bedroom playing 'babies'. He was 'changing her nappy', which involved her pants being down around her ankles.
I immediately stopped the game and DD got dressed. Nothing about their positioning would suggest that they were doing anything other than what they said (they were sat/ laid exactly how you would if you were changing a nappy). I looked him in the eyes and told him it wasn't appropriate, then I took DD to one side and talked to her about always keeping knickers on when she's playing etc. I didn't want to make a big deal of it and freak her out TBH.
Once I got chance I went straight to my mum and dads and spoke to them about it, and asked them to speak to him about appropriate behaviour, which they did. I also told them (and DD) that she was not to go upstairs alone with him again.
I think I dealt with it pretty well... I think! I can't stop thinking about it and it's making me feel sick. I'm 99% sure nothing untoward was going on, but that 1% is totally messing with my head! What would you have done? Did I do the right thing? I really don't know what to think!
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Aspergers and innappropriate behaviour **possible trigger warning**
15 replies
newname4 · 26/03/2017 02:09
OP posts:
Daringdaschund ·
10/04/2017 09:08
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