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Sorry but need to have rant about Aspergers son

(1 Post)
Squidgems Sat 04-Mar-17 00:51:22

My son is 21 and was diagnosed with Aspergers when he was 16. He is very bright but only has one GCSE to his name as he dropped out of school.

I got him into college but he dropped out of that as well. He wouldn't stay for lunch and join in with other students and then wouldn't go back in the afternoons. There have been many occasions when I would drop him off outside the college on my way to work only for him to turn around and return home. He even did this at the Job Centre so got sanctioned quite a few times. He hates anyone being told about his Aspergers and wouldn't let me attend the meetings.

I managed to get him onto Employment Support Allowance but he spends the money on his latest obsessions (he has OCD) and doesnt give me any for his board. I have to resort to getting hold of his card and take some before it's all gone but not able to do so for some time. When I come home from work he expects me to have got him all sorts of his latest food fad. When I don't he kicks off even though I tell him that he can go and get it himself as he is free all day to do so.

My son doesn't have a single friend and spends most of time in his room on the computer. He has stopped using his X Box and PS4. I know he is depressed but he won't try and go to an Aspergers group. His room is literally now a hovel which I try to clean but he has a meltdown as he gets upset if the hoover is used believing the air is being contaminated with dust blowing out of it. I even got a manual carpet sweeper but he won't let me use that either. Also he can't be in the kitchen when the microwave is on.

Oh I forgot to say that he is relentless in trying to get me to do whatever has sprung to his mind. Such as deciding that he wants me to drive him to Tesco at midnight when I have to go to work the next day. He is like a robot asking the same question over and over even when I've said no.

This week I've been off work after a small operation and need to stay off my feet. Has my son shown any empathy or concern? Of course not!

I asked him to put the rubbish out but he hasn't. I've asked him to get some things from the shop but he hasn't. Instead he wanted me (yes me) to go up a ladder and change a light fitting in his room. And no he wouldn't do it himself or understand that I couldn't do it. See what I mean about his obsessions.

Last year I didn't get anything from him for Mother's day, my birthday or Christmas despite giving him reminders.

I'm sorry for this very long rant and many people wont read it all the way through but I just needed to vent.

What happened to all the hopes and dreams that I had for my beautiful baby boy all those years ago? I love him and hate him at the same time and then feel guilty as he has a condition and this is how his mental process is.

My son has missed out on so many levels but I find it hard to help him. It's just me and him at home. His father lives far away but I'm in contact with him. He believes his son to be just lazy and often makes "jokes" about him to me which greatly annoy me. He will even sometimes put them in birthday cards to his son! I am starting to feel resentful when he then goes onto talking about howwell his other schoolage son is doing that he has with his current partner.

A lot of the time I wake up wishing that I was dead, but then worry what will happen to my son. So then I think we should both die. I feel such a mess and a failure.

But there are times when my son makes me howl with laughter as he can be so funny. But no one sees this except me. With others he is closed down and unresponsive even to other family members. If he won't communicate with them how can he be employable to other people.

I know that there are other mums whose children are much much worse than mine. At least mine communicates with me and can get about on his own even though he lacks a lot of common sense. But I want so much more for him and at the moment this seems like an unachievable dream.

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