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Anxiety and asd(3 Posts)
Hi, can anyone help please? I'm at the end of my tether
My DS is 12. He has HFA and has a statement of 20 hrs a week. He's has been bullied at primary school for many years. School always denied it and put the blame on DS. To my shame, I believed them. We moved with DHs job when DS was in year 5. He moved school and he was transformed and was so happy. He excelled academically, it was wonderful to see him like this
Now he's moved to secondary school. It's a small school and it's meant to have a good SEN department. I knew it wouldn't be easy and I've not been wrong. DS has been bullied already, kids filming him whilst trying to make him look stupid and then posting it online amongst other things. I reported it and they sorted it. His keyworker has been putting pressure on him to walk to school (we only live down the road but I'd been dropping him off as it's on my way to take dd to school) - I didn't see it as an issue but the keyworker did, DS was so stressed he'd be pacing his bedroom floor at 11pm worrying about how to get to school. I've told school about this and they've dropped it. But DS is still stressed. He's bitten his arms now, something he does when very anxious but he hasn't done it for a while.
I've tried to speak to his keyworker but she's told me to 'take a step back'- FFS, really? I would love him to be independent and not need me like other kids but he has ASD and severe anxiety!! So now I have no dialogue at all with school. He seems happy whilst in school but then he implodes at home. I've told school this too, they said 'well, we thought he was fine, he's a good actor!' don't they believe me? He has no confidence and he doesn't want to be away from me. I gave him a bit of money to go into a sweets shop (pick and mix type shop) whilst I waited outside but he couldn't do it, he broke down in tears. He couldn't go to Tae Kwon Do last night as he was frightened, think he may have had a panic attack.
I've booked him into see our GP today as I'm so worried about him.
Just for info, I have no support, I have no help at all. I also have depression which I'm on medication for. I'm fine in myself but I know that because of this, my judgement isn't always great, hence me posting in here for so words of wisdom
Hi OP, I am so sorry to hear about what's happening - I am going out now but will reply properly later. I am the SP of a teen (now 17) with aspergers, anxiety and OCD. He was never statemented and whilst he nearly always got a TA to sit at his table in lessons, he was left to deal with the social stuff himself. He has never had friends in secondary school and I have asked repeatedly if there is anything they can offer to help him with social stuff, but nothing.
The other day he told me about how he remembered asking one of the boys if he wanted to come back to ours after school that day, and the boy said he couldn't because his nan had died. As this boy was walking away, my son heard his friends say to him 'you're such a good liar' and that broke my heart. Which is strange given that some of them have done much worse when trying to humiliate him.
My son now goes to CAMHS and they are at the moment running an extra social skills club once a week which he's half way through. Could you speak to your GP today about a referral?
I've also been told to 'take a step back' before and I also think, wow, I'd love my son to be more independant and have friends he can do things with/look out for him but that's not the situation he's in. The anxiety is awful isn't it - I think people underestimate how much it impacts on them.
I really have to go now, but thinking of you both.
OP, I just want to say, you are not alone. It must feel that way, the way things are but there are others going through these things.
I have a DS who is 15 and in Yr11. He has been systematically bullied for three years at a mainstream school with "specialist provision". Things got so bad at one point that the police were involved. He has a diagnosis of asd and OCD. I tried so many times to move him but couldn't source other provision. Finally, he has been moved. Things are still not perfect but I'm just so, so glad he's away from there.
What I will say is, the school he was at denied and denied any problems. Then, when the police were involved and they couldn't deny any longer they couldn't support us quickly enough in our attempt to relocate for Yr11. Please, please don't take their crap. Be strong. Speak up. Make noise. Yes, see your GP, referral to CAMHS may be useful (we attend; DS .has CBT and medication for OCD and anxiety). Have you contacted any support groups? Other mums can offer support. Do you have Parent Partnership (or its equivalent) locally? They can offer support too. We have a lady from Parent Partnership who comes to ALL meetings with me now. She's VERY knowledgable, asks the questions I forget to and is (pardon me) shit hot on rights and what's best for the child and family. Priceless.
It's damned hard doing it all. There are times I've wanted to give up, roll over and just fade away for "them" but I flatly refuse.
My son still has no friends; has never had a sleepover or been to a peer group party. Even at the new school, the kids take the mickey. It IS awful. School's should "name and shame" these kids but they want to deny the problem. Ask the school for a "Home/School Diary. Note down ALL that happens when your son gets home. His experiences at school that day. EXPECT a reply from school. If it doesn't come....demand it. They clearly have no idea of your son's anxiety, social exclusion, low self esteem and condition. Ask to see the Senco or Headteacher. Explain, what's happening is not good enough. Has he an EHCP or Statement?
Darling, everything is a fight. You can do it. We ALL have. You're not alone xx
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