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Teenage Peer exclusion

(2 Posts)
cazzer2362 Mon 17-Oct-16 10:26:58

I was interested to read the previous posts about peer exclusion, teen friendship groups - the challenges and they resonated with my D's current challenges. D is in yr 8 at a co-ed school and has been struggling with making friends/ fitting in since yr 7. He is very studious and academic (is on the aspergers spectrum) and now recognises that when the others were bonding in the playground setting up their friendship groups, he went to the library to study and keep on top of the work. As a result, he is finding it virtually impossible to break into the existing groups and to an extent they appear to be deliberately excluding him. He has also had some challenges with bullies which the school did not deal with very well. I ended up going into the playground to identify the bullies myself so the school could take action! That aside, things have degenerated and he is being excluded by his peers at every opportunity (outside of the classroom) To make matters worse, children are touching his hair and making songs with his name - we are west African. The school have said that they have taken action to stop this but it still continues. Whilst I recognise that D is not your average 12 yr old boy, doesn't like football or rugby, not particularly interested in social media except Minecraft, is very direct and can be a bit intolerant at times, he is a bright, fun loving, articulate soul who is yearning to have friends at school. I have engaged a therapist to assist but wondered whether any one has any advice to share. I am at my wits end and am considering moving him as the situation is affecting his well being - he has stomach aches before school every morning.

Many thanks in advance.

PigWhisperer Tue 01-Nov-16 10:37:06

Hi Cazzer. Its such a strain isn't it? My daughter is in almost the same position. I hope someone wiser than me will help, but the only thing I have found that makes a small difference is to just keep on at the school. Have meetings, write notes, and follow up.

We have found a club that doesn't have school friends in and that helps as she is seen a fresh face there and not someone with baggage.

Within school is there a club he can join? Warhammer seems very popular amongst the ASD community!

I think the hair touching is completely unacceptable though. I would be furious about that and reporting it to the school at every possible incident. Its sounds like a year wide lesson on cultural awareness and discrimination is needed for that.

I am considering moving schools for my daughter too. A fresh start, but her psychiatrist has said give her more time with her therapist so she has better skills to try and make new friends.

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