Sick of daughter wetting herself

[fortifiedwithtea]

I'm so fucking tired and I need to vent. DD2 has mild learning disabilities. She is 13.6 years old in year 8 of mainstream school. School is 20 minutes walk from home.

She will not go to the toilet before leaving school. Result mad dash to the loo the moment she gets in. Fails at least twice a week. Wet clothes, wee on the floor, on the seat. I'm so sick of it.

I tell her to go before she comes home. Makes no difference.

Recently I asked her why she didn't use the loo at school and she said it was because the queue was too long.

Its really getting me down.

[PirateJones]

To be completely honest i'd use padded underwear or pullups while she's like this just to save on the constant wet clothes.

[Meloncoley2]

does she go to the toilet at all at school? just wondering if it would help if she went at lunch time. If she is not going all day then I'm not surprised she is bursting.

[fortifiedwithtea]

I suspect she doesn't go to the toilet every day, she has a lot of lunchtime activities. She has always put off going to the loo if she's engrossed in something. She doesn't drink unless I nag her either. She goes to school with a water bottle every day and each night I empty it. I doubt she has topped it up during the day.

Meaning on days she doesn't drink, she could get away with not going to the toilet all day as well.

I've remembered another reason she gave for not using the loo - no toilet paper. I put some in her bag and told her to only use it if there was none in the school cubicle. Thinking about it I need to check her bag. I bet she has no loo paper supplies. She wouldn't think to do it herself or telling me she'd run out.

Would I be unreasonable to ask the school to let her use the disabled loo?

[PirateJones]

of course not, she is disabled.

[ouryve]

You wouldn't be unreasonable, at all.

Local primary allowed DS1 to use the disabled or the staff loo because he hated the boys' toilets and would hold on all day and make himself ill, doing it.

Is there something that would maybe motivate her to make sure she goes before she leaves the house, either carrot or stick? (DS1 is 12, now and we have to remind him that if he won't take responsibility for personal care things without constant nagging, then we'll supervise him like a much smaller child.)

[BarbarianMum]

Not unreasonable at all. Do you get her to clean herself/the bathroom up and put a wash on when she has an accident?

[homework]

When I was her age at high school I hated going to toilets in school as this use to be where the bullies hung out and smoked , made life horrid every time you had to go in there .

So there may be numerous reason why she not use the toilets in school . Not just there never any paper , she might not feel comfortable to actually go to the toilet here , as well as all the previous reason that have been listed .

Is she embarrassed about this when she gets home , how does she manage when she's having her period , does she go then in school . As the bigger issue that's made the more stress she's under the bigger an issue it becomes .

[mary21]

Try multi pronged approach. Tell he you are tired of all the washing and cleaning and can't do it anymore so you need a plan. Definatly try and get the school disabled loo on board if DD will it. Put a reminder on her phone for end of school to go before she leaves. If she wets herself get her to clean up straight away. Put washing going . Hang it out /tumble and put it away. May be hard work initially so need to be very consistent. Also try and ensure no bladder irritating drinks. So try and stick to water and milk. Might also be worth asking practice nurse to do a dipstix urine test to check for infection. If she has a phone at school you can also add a drink reminder for lunchtime.

[Claennister]

I had a similar thing with my daughter, and we had loads of talks with the school with them saying they'd "keep an eye" or "encourage" but all resulted in something woolly that didn't get done. Eventually I told them want this to be a formal part of her support plan, that they should ensure she drinks a marked amount from her bottle at specified times and that they will actively send her to the loo towards the end of the day (and ensure she comes back!). It has made so much difference.