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At end of my tether with nowhere to turn

(9 Posts)
tobbay Mon 08-Feb-16 22:48:32

I am laying here in tears with my 12yr old Son next to me. After yet another evening of unreasonable abuse and disrespect from my Son I can barely breathe and having heart palpitations. I eventually shouted at him after swearing, disrespect, swearing, nastiness to me and his brother and I feel like a complete failure. He has really bad ticks and behaviour problems and I'm pretty sure he has adhd, huge anxieties and very bad anger problems and no-one will help us. He recently excluded ftom school for stealing from a local shop. I can't quite believe this is my Son I'm talking about. I'm do sad, ashamed and disappointed with me and him.
He's been rejected by camhs 5 times as he doesn't meet the threshold, the couselling at school seems pointless, tried private counselling but it was very expensive and the cheaper counselling was useless.

His behaviour and anger are now affecting not only his life but mine and his younger brother and my personal life. I sometimes think he's just awful and naughty but most people think there is something else there.

I don't really have a point to this, just feel rejecteded, sad and a failure that he's turning out like this and that I can't help him.

I can't believe we can get no proper help and that I clearly am failing so badly.

tobbay Mon 08-Feb-16 22:49:51

Sorry about all the spelling mistakes

Emmiex83 Mon 08-Feb-16 23:14:21

Oh I know ur pain. Camhs was not good for me either. He needs to be refared to a child psychologist through ur doctor.
Letters from school will help and a rejection letter from camhs .. He needs help yester..
My lad has Asperger's Syndrome, Oppositional Defient Disorder, Attention Deficit Disorder, Obsessive compulsive disorder and kleptomania. He has bouts of anger but has be suspended for the stealing

Just go to ur doctor and demand a referral failing that you may need to go private

Best of luck with everything x

littleoldme75 Tue 09-Feb-16 20:50:25

That sounds like my 14 year old... I'm still banging my head against a brick wall. Despite being trained in behavioural psychology I get ignored the same as if I knew nothing ....

Firstly you need to not blame yourself.... And you need to find ways to manage yourself... By that I mean is it safe to just separate yourself from the situation for a bit. Build an action plan. I had a team called multy systemic therapy help me for a few weeks. And while mostly it reassured me I could do it. It helped me to look outside the box at times.

Don't give up with cahms although they are hard work... And do get a referral if not already done to the behavioural psychology team.

Keep a diary. Note as much as your can.. it helps at later dates... And mostly realise yyour not alone.

I don't know what support you have from family or friends but respite and you time is also very important too.

tobbay Tue 09-Feb-16 23:05:16

Thank you for your replies. My family aren't around here but always on the end of the phone but sometimes that's not the same.
I've been to gp again today and they are doing a 6th referral as urgent so hopefully something will happen.

littleoldme75 Tue 09-Feb-16 23:28:55

See if there are any support groups in the area and don't neglect yourself... Stress help can be amazing as the less stressed and annoyed you get , the easier the challenging behaviour is to deal with.... I have a music album that when I need a few minutes I can close my eyes, stick my headphones on and have 5 mins just calming myself down.

brotherphil Sun 06-Mar-16 10:54:04

With you there.

DS1 (12), lives with me; DS2 (7) and DD (nearly 5) live with my wife, who decided that she wanted me to move out because "she doesn't want to be the sort of person who just sits there whilst someone else does all the work". Having said that she thinks DS1 should stay with here as I would be too soft on him, 3 months after I moved out, he came to live with me as she couldn't take it anymore.

He now constantly complains that he hates school (despite consistently good behaviour feedback sheets), and has decided on a dirty protest, refusing to wash or shower. As he has a taxi to school (referral centre), there is no point having a shouting match with him to try to get him in the shower, as the taxi driver will, understandably not take an angry, aggressive adolescent in her cab. Taking away his XBox has no effect on his behaviour after his initial complaints.

To top it off, he has now started "sleep" weeing again. I say sleep weeing, but having heard tinkling last night (round DW's), I went upstairs and he said that he thought he might have weed down the side of the bed, as he had just woken with his pants down. Investigation showed that he had indeed, all over his brother's duvet.

Needless to say, he did not look like he had just woken. I am fairly sure that this is deliberate soiling for the purposes of making himself unpleasant, so that I will stop taking him round his Mum's at the weekend.

Trying to cope with her depression and his what I suspect may well be some sort of depression, I would almost be happy to stop going, but then the younger two and I would not see each other, as DW is unwilling to bring them to mine; she was OK coming to see me when she was in temporary digs in my town, but she's now moved back to the village that we were living in when she kicked me out, an hour away by bus (or 3 - 4 hours by bus and train on a Sunday).

If I could get his support worker back, I suspect that would help, but it seems that I can't do anything without a standup row, and - being aspie and depressed myself, I really don't do confrontation.


Ok, rant over. Any ideas?

tobbay Sun 06-Mar-16 19:45:57

Sounds awful, feel for you.
I've been back to the docs and they did another referral for my Son and we might be getting somewhere. He's also started seeing the Educational psychologist.

Other than that it's so hard. My Son has been awful today (happy mothers day confused)

jasdream1 Sun 01-May-16 01:08:40

Hope you mom's are having a good weekend with your kids. I have a 13 yr old non verbal daughter that does some vocal tics here and there. First one started 2 yrs ago and it scared me..caught me off guard as it was my first time hearing her. We live in Texas. She's going to the 7th grade in June 2016. Time flies. We get a break for the summer so, I gotta get activities going or we both will be bored. Our kids don't wear uniforms out this way unless you live in Dallas area. Mother's day is May 8th..hopefully I can go to a Italian restaurant and enjoy son is my respite care provider I am allowed 15 hrs a week through the state and the waitlist was 3 years and on the hcs list going on 8 yes in December.( at age 18) you can get paid to care for your child as a foster parent. I am sure its different over in other countries.. Everyone have a good one!

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