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(6 Posts)

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kazl71 Mon 14-Dec-15 13:18:27

Hi, I am new to this but felt had nowhere else to go for help and advice. I have a son of almost 18 who I am convinced has autism/aspergers. I had this feeling when he was young but his father was dead against having him tested. He always struggled in social situations and would talk randomly about stuff that had no relevance to what was going on at the time. He is very intelligent and was a straight A student until about year 11 when he started to give up. He has no social life, no friends and spends all him time locked in his room on his computer when not at college. Because of doing so well in school i also feel school missed something.

I feel he is getting worse. He fears social situations and when he is out with me the randomness of him is embarrasing. (I feel awful for saying it). If I try to talk to him he gets very defensive and locks himself away. He feels that he is different and people think he is weird. I try to tell him how clever, intelligent he is and how much potential he has but he wont see it. He will be leaving college next year. In this state he has no chance of getting a job.

His father (not at home) shows little interest and from what my son feeds back tells him that is useless and should get off his back side and do more at college/get a job.

Am i right to fear or could it simply be lack of confidence. I fear he will develop depression ( i have suffered in the past). I would like to get him to a doctor but he would never agree.

Any advice/help would be appreciated.
Thank you

IonaMumsnet (MNHQ) Mon 14-Dec-15 15:26:23

Hi there, OP. We hope you don't mind but you've posted on our bloggers' topic where you won't get any responses probably, so we've moved it over to Special Needs Teens and Young Adults topic for you where there are lots of mums of young adults who have been diagnosed with ASD who we're sure will be able to give you plenty of advice and pointers on what is and isn't likely and how you might best move forward.

Meloncoley2 Mon 14-Dec-15 21:02:36

Have you thought of contacting college? There will very likely be a contact person there with experience in supporting students with ASD. They may be based in the Learning Support/ Student Support Dept. The NAS website is also useful.

kazl71 Tue 15-Dec-15 07:34:50

Thanks for your message. I'm not even sure if he has ASD. For me it's more about how I can communicate with him to help him answer some questions for himself. College have not picked up on anything, just that he is bright student.

Bethmo Mon 25-Jan-16 16:36:19

Hi Kazl71,

I'm an independent speech and language therapist and work with teenagers with communication difficulties. It sounds like you need some support with your son - I'd recommend either going to college learning support as Meloncoley2 has suggested, or your GP as a starting point. There aren't loads of services available to young adults unfortunatley, but you may be able to get some support around a possible diagnosis and sign posting to support groups etc.

As for your son's communication, I would recommend usng comic strip conversations to help him start to see how his communciation is perceived by others and talk about appropriate ways to communicate. You can google these, there are plenty of examples and resources out there.

I'd be happy to chat more with you about this - if you are based in London we could look at doing some assessment with your son, or I do offer a skype consultation service if required.

Hope that helps in some way!

brotherphil Sun 06-Mar-16 11:03:03

Yup, this sounds like ASD of some sort, and I wouldn't be at all surprised at depression with the shiitake mushrooms that he's getting from his Dad.

First step is talking to the special needs people at college, and also to your GP about seeking a diagnosis. This letter is likely to be a long process - several years is not unlikely - and hard work, but definitely worth doing. Also ask your GP for a referral to your local CAMHS or equivalent.

Finally, I'd suggest giving consideration to whether it might be an idea to cut the ex out - if DS is with you, then he's forfeited a lot of his moral right to be deciding on healthcare and upbringing, and it sounds like the abuse is already doing damage. If need be, point out to him that you can't beat the disability out of someone, and denial belongs in Egypt.

Hope this helps.

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