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do i encourage this or let it die a natural death

(5 Posts)
ThatVikRinA22 Sat 04-Jun-11 21:59:41

ds is 19 and has aspergers, along with other SN.
he is very able, he is doing a degree, works part time and has his own business venture.
when he was at school he was friends with a lad of the same age, with much more severe autism, he was one of this lads few friends, dh is very tolerant and easy going.

since they left school this lad kept in touch with ds. He wants to see ds again soon, but ds has told me he "has gone weird" when i asked what he meant he tells me that he hits on him every time he is there, like every half hour or so, even though ds has asked him not to as it makes him uncomfortable. he also says he is into dressing up as an animal and going to "furry" conventions. ds tells me alot of people who are into this are gay, which he has no problem with at all, but says this lad does not stop trying to put his hands on his legs, arms around him etc etc even though he continually tells him he is not comfortable with it. The fact is that he still does it even after ds has asked him not to.

my dilemma is this. this lad has phoned twice for him tonight. he has no life other than home and his furry conventions. i have always encouraged ds to see this lad, thinking he has no social life. apparently, however odd, he does have some social outlet with his "furry" friends. DS is simply not comfortable being continually touched up, and contact between them has been sporadic at best since leaving school.

is this being very mean to let this friendship die a natural death? i feel bad about it, and so does ds, but if it makes ds feel uncomfortable i think i should respect his wishes. im in a dilemma as i would be devastated if ds lost the friendships he has made, being an aspie makes it so much harder to make and keep friends.

wwyd?

TotalChaos Sat 04-Jun-11 22:03:46

Not got practical experience of this age group, but doesn't strike me as mean at all, as you need to protect your own lad, as unwanted groping is going to be unpleasant and potentially distressing/unhealthy for him.

ThatVikRinA22 Sat 04-Jun-11 22:08:30

he only told me about it tonight. he has taken it all in his stride but i dont think he is keen to keep having repeat performances.

ive basically told him its fine if he doesnt want to see him and that its up to him, i think he was after my blessing as it were....

TheDuckster Mon 06-Jun-11 07:14:27

You are right to tell him its fine.

It is very difficult to see friendships 'slip away' when your child has AS and, if he is anything like my DD, has so few friends. But if he is uncomfortable, and it appears he may have reason to be, then he should let it go.

It sounds like in other ways he is doing well so he will probably find consolation (distraction) in his degree, business venture.

Davros Sun 12-Jun-11 18:49:33

From my experience with my sister (AS), I think once you tell him it is OK he will put it behind him and it won't bother him nearly as much as it would bother you in the same position. That may sound harsh but I think its true. Me and my other sister used to worry far more about things that happened to our AS sister than she did.

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