Here some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on SN.
Unhappy with residential placement(45 Posts)
People to make complaints to:
Also your local MP.
Redecorating her room without evidence of it being her choice is unacceptable. Unhappy staff who are leaving is unacceptable. Taking away your daughter's things (what have they done with your property*?) is unacceptable. Unfortunately, while understandable, screaming down the phone is also unacceptable so bye bye moral highground
If your SW is being useless, demand their manager. Or, ring now to get onto the duty SW...
I'm the other side, as a support worker. Unfortunately I have been there (from this side) and regularly been the one who took the screaming down the phone. Staff are supposed to be trained to handle crisis situations and, to me, an upset parent needs as much reassurance as an anxious student or resident. I've had to work with people like the person you mention in your post, and they're a bloody nightmare - always have to be seen to be right, heads up management's arses (if they're not in management themselves - these people are never capable of completing any actual useful workso get shunted pdq)
It sounds like your daughter's needs are pretty complex, but is there any way possible you can get Direct Payments and find carers yourself for a few months? I do the odd shift like this for parents (would love to find something a bit more regular) - there are companies which sort out the tax and ni for you, as well as agencies who can provide trained and vetted staff if you want them to.
I hope your daughter is coping with all this. Change is hard, especially when you don't know why it's happening. And the teenage years seem to be the hardest with lots of people with ASD's (hopefully things will get easier for you all when both the placements and hormones settle down)
I don't generally post on a thread unless I've read it, which is why I suggested all the links you can use to kick some ass!
Unfortunately, all the workers who actually give a toss end up either so disillusioned with the lickarses that they leave, or get shunted into sideways promotions because we actually do the work we're employed to do. No promotions or payrises because that would mean the lickarses have to actually get their hands (instead of tongues) dirty...
Yes, parents can be a pita to staff. Always looking over our shoulders, checking up on us, making unworkable suggestions, demanding this that and the other for their pfb. It really doesn't take much to have some courtesy for someone who has been forced into the horrible position of realising that they are not the best person to care for their own child.
Your daughter's aggression is her telling them she's not happy. The first thing they should have been taught is that Behaviour = Communication, and your daughter sounds unsettled, frustrated and possibly frightened? Take away the things that are unsettling her and her frustration will decrease to a level that means she's no longer hurting people. C'mon, people, basic stuff here!
I'm not a parent, but there are a bunch of us out here who do our best to keep our residents and students happy, support them to live their own lives, and encourage family visits (no matter how dreadful the family, and I've met a few! Unfortunately my stories would all identify me so can't post here)
I'm very happy where I currently work, and would even let DP's neice (5 asd) live there if it was the right placement (I'm working with adults at the moment) so if you want to PM me with a rough location and we're near enough, I can make some suggestions
Sorry, Chinax, that's what I was trying to say - that someone in authority deciding your child would be better off elsewhere must be an awful thing to have to go through. As a carer, I like knowing that parents are keeping an eye on me and that they are happy with the job I am doing. I don't think I really got down in words what I was trying to say, and totally agree with your post!
In an ideal world, each parent would be able to have their home painted neutral colours and secure storage for dangerous objects provided. Then, instead of me going to work at one house each day I would go to a different house and support parents in caring for their child.
I work 12 hour shifts. If parents could do the same (ie with decent night's sleep and a couple of days off a week) then of course they would be the absolute best person. However, I find that I can only deal with the high level of aggression from some residents because I can walk away and not think about if for a day or two. Parents don't have that option - you love your child and think about them constantly, am I right?
Again, apologies for giving the wrong impression
How blood awful. How dare they decide that the bits and pieces you've bought with care don't matter. I think you did the right thing as they sometimes need a right bollocking, you can only be reasonable for so long and if it works for you. If it doesn't then get out the Alex Ferguson hair dryer!
We have got approval for DS's change to 52 week placement and I am very excited as it will give us so much more flexibility to see him more often but for fewer days at a time. In contrast his school keeps encouraging me to get him some individual bits for his room but I am dragging my heels as I've been ill. Bet you can't wait for her to move, not long now and I hope it all goes well and you can suffer through the last part of her current placement.
chinax: no carer should ever suggest they are better for a child with loving parents!
I don't usually post here but sorry, chinax, I have found THIS scary. Caring for a SEN child is a profession. I hope you are not suggesting that a loving parent knows best how to take out an appendix, fill a tooth or set a broken arm just because the patient happens to be their own child?! Dealing with Autism, severe learning disabilities etc. is something some people learn about on university level for years and yes, they may know more about it than someone who happened to give birth to an asd/sld child.
And btw, how many NT children have you seen who have been totally and utterly spoilt and damaged by "loving caring parents"? Because I have seen loads, from ones so fat that they have Type II Diabetes at the age of 11; to ones who have been given all the gadgets and gizmos and end up in jail at the age of 13 because only car theft gives them thrill in life.
No, sorry, I don't buy the "parent knows best" stuff. Having children does not equip anyone with any magic skills in any profession, be it medicine, education or childcare.
what a load of crap alliez,you are talking through a hole in your****.
Precisely how is allieZ talking through a hole in her arse? Point out to me where she is IN FACT (ie not just youropinion) wrong.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
chinax, quite right! How laughable that carers have specialist university qualifications...you are obviously not a carer either, AllieZ. Or if you are, you are in a unit/school/whatever that in no way resembles the rest of the education system or care 'industry'.
In my experience, most SN parents know their children inside out, it is simply the amount of time they are required to spend with a very challenging child, without adequate breaks, with additional sleep deprivation and unsuitable housing, that makes the job impossible for some. Some of the training I have been on, given by professionals, lacks any sort of genuine understanding of the challenges of parenting. The relationship between parent and paid carer should be mutually beneficial in terms of information sharing, as both parties have something to learn from the other
Great to read that all turned out well and you were absolutely right. Funnily enough, my DS's residential school has become somewhat "parent resistant" in the last year, due to a new slimy CEO I think. It is not good but I am trying to make it work. I strongly believe that DS is happy and well cared for, this toe rag just doesn't see any point in keeping parents informed or involved.
So happy to hear your news.
I stuck the boot in on the recent Ofsted response, as did lots of other parents. The school is in Berkshire.... ring any bells? I would like to keep him there if possible but won't hesitate to look elsewhere, I need to anyway for 19+
Hi Raffles, not posted but have stalked this thread for sometime now. So pleased for you all that everything has settled down now.
Just wanted to point out though, for future reference, that any care establishment can and should be reported to the CQC (Care Quality Commision) should any concerns for a vunerable persons welfare arise.
Ofsted aren't the only resposible body in authority.
Once again, really happy it all worked out well.
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