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HELP! Can't get through to Autistic DD

(14 Posts)
Powerless Wed 19-Sep-18 10:55:00

Hi I'm new to this topic so I hope I've got the right one!

My DD is 3. She's currently being tested to ASD, however it is very obvious she has it. I have a list that is pages long of examples.

However, today's issue is the most common one. She cannot understand what I am telling her!!!!!!!!!!

For the past two hours we have had an epic, epic meltdown as she knows she's going to pre-school today, but what she doesn't know is that she doesn't start until 12:30. She is going BATSHIT. "I want to go to school nowwwwww Mummy" rinse & repeat.
Obviously I have said until I am blue in the sodding face that "School closed sweetheart" "school closed open soon" you name a simple combination of these words/this information - I've already tried it.
She is now grabbing hold of my leg to try and drag me. I am nearly in tears. She will be 4 in January and I cannot get this simple information into her head?!
It's always the same....
"She's coming back"
"He's just having a wee wee"
"It's not open yet"
"It's closed today!"
"Grandma is on her way/Grandma coming"
Etc etc.

What the hell do I do? About today's issue I mean?

At 4pm she is seeing the Paediatrician about joining the waiting list for assessment. I just need help with how I can get this information into her head about school not being open yet? Because if I don't then the next hour is going to be utterly UNBEARABLE

Powerless Wed 19-Sep-18 11:36:06


MumUnderTheMoon Fri 21-Sep-18 00:42:53

A lot of people with autism also have dyspraxia, features of this include an inability to perceive accurate measurements include time. I have no ability to measure this without a clock in-front of me. No innate idea of how long it will take to do anything and an hour can feel like forever or it can fly by it can be extremely distressing if I'm honest I always feel like I'm late and I can become really anxious. If this is an issue for her I'm not sure that there is anything you can say to make her feel better so I wouldn't try. My daughter can experience similar issues but her response is not as bad now. I tell her when something is happening, the next time I go with how long she has to wait and then it's just "we're not doing that now go and play/ craft/ watch a movie etc" you can't always take the anxiety away they just have to learn to live with it.

zzzzz Fri 21-Sep-18 00:52:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Powerless Sat 29-Sep-18 07:37:14

Fabulous @zzzzz !! Sorry for late reply, only just seen this.

Thankyou so much x

WrongKindOfFace Sat 29-Sep-18 07:47:29

Twinkl has some downloadable visual timetable cards. I think they are free if you sign up.

MrsMozart Sat 29-Sep-18 07:54:06

Ditto the lack of ability to determine time.

I used to try using an analogue clock to show the time, little knowing they couldn't understand it it and digital would've worked for them.

zzzzz has it. Set chunks that are quantifiable and not subject to misinterpretation, i.e. Beauty and the Beast - the story always follows the same pattern.

Try and deal in absolutes. The unknown ("We'll see", "Later") can be torture.

zzzzz Sat 29-Sep-18 10:06:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

zzzzz Sat 29-Sep-18 10:14:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

anniehm Fri 19-Oct-18 07:59:29

Bit late, sorry - but I thought I could firstly reassure you it gets easier, they do understand eventually!

I remember those days except dd was non verbal still then so it was just screaming to my requests. Going through her childhood, being impatient, fixation on what she wants to do, inflexibility pretty much are her symptoms so to speak alongside anxiety.

She's now grown and at university, struggling a bit to deal with inflexible, impatient and fixated lecturers who (from my experience) often have autistic traits themselves! She still lives at home but has a half decent social life liking the pub a bit too much - she also has a job. It will be fine!!!!!

NoahsMama24 Tue 13-Nov-18 10:16:24

I know it’s a bit late but I’m in the same position with my soon to be 4yo son. He is autistic but still waiting for his diagnosis to be confirmed, he has a genetic condition also, he isn’t very verbal and I’m having the same problem with explaining to him about what I want from him or what I need him to do. He understands to an extent but majority of the time he won’t respond and I’m constantly repeating myself. I have been suffering with depression for the last couple of years because it’s that hard. I’ve contemplated suicide at times because sometimes I just can’t cope with all the meltdowns and stress. I have very little support and his father does more harm than good instead of supporting me. I have just bought an autism starter pack off the internet with visual boards and symbols so I’m hoping that will help. So far so good. Anyone knows of anything else I can try, that would be amazing. I feel so alone in this and when the people around you don’t understand what it’s like, it doesn’t help.

keelo123 Fri 11-Jan-19 04:04:15

I would most definitely get your daily routine at home with her made more apparent using things like visual cues. Autism is a very frustrating thing to be around but I’m guessing even more so to have. The fact that giving communication can be difficult also means that receiving it is just as tough. Autistic children, especially at 3, don’t tend to have the understanding that their parents are not robots and they that they also have needs and reasons. That in turn causes frustration when things don’t go the way LO plans it to. She may be thinking to herself that she knows a certain something is possible because she has done it before and because she wants to do it again, then there is nothing stopping her doing it straight away again because nothing got in her way when she previously did it. That’s where the amazing routine becomes like gold dust for our sanity as parents of children with ASD as keeping things all in order and the same way means they can soon enough to know what to expect. Little visual charts (keep it simple as she is only mini) will most likely do wonders for her and the rest of the family. I also have found that a forewarning is great to keep the motivation in check and the meltdowns to a smaller scale.
For example...
“we need to do 〰️, before we do 〰️, and then we can do 〰️!”
Helps them to know exactly what is expected and when and in what order and that helps them to not be faced with as many of life’s little surprises 😂👌🏼. Xx

Jackson511 Sat 16-Mar-19 14:43:44

So my son is almost 14...I had the same issues with him too when he was little. You have to get pictures of what you are trying to explain to her. I also used a picture schedule for him when he was little detailing what was going to happen for the day. I remember also using the words 'first' and 'then' a LOT...I would say 'first' we are going to school, 'then' you are going to stay and play. I promise you, it will get easier and she will catch on. Good luck mama and hang in there, the universe doesn't give us what we can't handlesmile))

BlankTimes Sun 24-Mar-19 10:18:46

Now, Next and Then instructions can help.

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