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I'm Over Here, Can You See Me!!

(2 Posts)
bringmehope Wed 24-Jan-18 20:31:49

Today was the reality, it hit me smack bang in the face. I have 3 children with SEN, not 1, but 3, varying disabilities but my eldest age 16 is complex, she requires my care 24/7, 7 days a week. My daughters been out of school since Feb 2017 again, before that she was neglected by a school suffering post traumatic stress and was out for 2 years that time.

I'm on the roundabout she's out of school because she's challenging, yes, because you were putting her in isolation rooms, pushing her continuously when she has chronic pain & fatigue, these special School can't even deal with special needs, they just exclude them, they don't contact outside agencies or listen to advice they just exclude them, how funny is that! A special school excludes a special needs child.

However, it's not really about her it's because I stood up for her rights, it's because I placed Ofsted in their school and got the police to investigate the school, my daughter suffered bruising and verbal humiliation, they were restraining her, I've never had to restrain my child once, neither has anyone I know. It's acceptable to not monitor pain, it's acceptable to place her in rooms, it's acceptable to treat her like an animal but again my daughter doesn't have the capacity due to learning difficulties so it was their word against hers, yet she had a taper recording on her communication aid being called a Queen etc and being left in a corridor on the floor crying in pain, no one comforted her, no one cuddled her, and she was clever enough to tape them, but again they will not accept responsibility even though when Ofsted went in they had to get rid of a member of staff we had the police investigate because he was not doing what he was supposed to do, but yet our daughter is failed in a system which is a joke.

My marriage has ended I am stuck in a house 24/7 because I can't work, desperately want to but can't because the LA haven't got any carets to give our daughter because our daughter will not accept being cared for by Afro Caribbean people, now before you judge this is not a racist issues she wouldn't even have that ability it's just unfortunate that the school she was at previously which again I can't name a member of staff who just happened to be of this race neglected and said very bad things to her so due to her post traumatic stress and because the school or LA won't put this in place at her school she now won't tolerate due to high anxiety staff of this ethnicity being around her, so the LA said this is the only ethnicity they use and they are unable to find anyone else to provide care,

So the deal is the LA can't find her a school as she needs a medical school, but medical schools won't deal with her autism and mental health needs, and an autistic school won't deal with her medical needs such as wheelchair, adaptions etc so what's the plan, there isn't one!

No home schooling, yes I know it's illegal, no therapies stated in part 3 of her SEN statement soon to be transferred to an EHCP, but what is the point, the LAs are a law of themselves, I can't get legal aid, yet I can't afford to get legal help, I can't work because I have a child at home everyday, I've given up this is a joke!

My husband has left again don't judge he's a good person, but the continuous struggles killed our 12 year marriage, what's the point in both of us suffering in this life, at least one of us can be happy and have a normal existence and work etc

I am so closed emotionally I can't even be loved because you fight, you see your child nearly die on numerous occasions due to her health needs and then your expected to give when mentally you are so exhausted, drained and hidden in this world you just can't give anything back.

I used to laugh years and years ago, I used to love life, but now it's survival, it's just so you can care, there is nothing else, it's robotic and predictable everyday, I do not leave the house in the week, you see she has chronic pain and fatigue and she's 16, I can't just lift her now, and to be honest I have fibromyalgia now and lifting this ridiculous wheelchair that the NHS give you is just too much, it's just agonising and then I have to answer 50 times where are we going, I don't want to go out, I'm very tired, and screaming because of pain, and I know this sounds terrible but I don't want to listen to the same question every second of the day it's exhausting, you answer the same way, the same time, the same thing every second from the moment you are woken in the night to the morning and then the whole next day, I love her with all my heart, but I've got nothing now, and I don't feel this is fair on her, I can't work, I can't earn money, I can't follow my dreams and I love her unconditionally but am I allowed just a tiny bit of happiness, am I allowed something to let me enjoy just a bit of life, am I allowed just a bit of sleep, am I allowed to have friends and a relationship, but who on Earth is going to want this life.

I just wanted to say thank you to our government, LA, NHS, special school, incompetent people who want to work in special school who do nothing, don't care, don't help, that soon I am going to have to give my daughter up because we have no money, I've lost my business, I'm exhausted and because we have absolutely no life and you are asking me to choose which children are more important, so thank you for putting that strain on me and my family thank you for splitting me and my husband up, thank you for always fighting me because you have budgets and moneys been cut, thank you for the help, compassion and empathy, thank you for nothing!!

IlikemyTeahot Fri 16-Feb-18 19:24:20

Wow I don't think I have suggestions for you bringmehope that you may not have thought of already but I'm sorry you've got it so bad. Is her father unable/unwilling to split some time? what about respite care? I know your daughter may be anxious around certain folks but if it's a chance for you to have a break then you might just have to get on with it and hope in time your daughter will adapt. She will soon see the difference.
Have you considered contacting social services to see how they could assist you. xx

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