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Husband not coping with diagnosis.

(2 Posts)
scampbeast Sun 12-Jun-16 20:44:32

last October we started the process of having our son(now 7 years old) diagnosed with ASD, at one of our early meetings we were advised that he would be diagnosed, but not officially until we had gone through the full process which is still ongoing.
Both myself and his mainstream school have made changes in the way we do things with my son to make communication and doing new things easier for him. My husband however is in denial about the whole thing. He feels that we are pandering to my son and "letting him win" whatever that means.
Husband will not talk to anyone about his feelings be it family, friends or the DR. He has told me that he feels our son is being slotted into a peghole and being judged. I feel that even when the diagnosis is confirmed he may still try to deny it. He says he has been reading up on things which I think may have made it worse as he would be reading more medical than general social and parenting advice.
He says he finds it hard to understand little things like my son asking for (or just hiding to have some) quiet time to sort out his thoughts and feelings, as its not something he experiences ( he is the opposite in things like this as taking a step back makes him worse) He is unable to just take the approach I tell him is best for our son as I can't explain to him (and i have tried) what is going on in our sons head.
A simple family outing to the bowling as a reward for son being so good with a different teacher turned into a disaster today. DH couldn't cope with the fact that DS was only wearing his socks to play as he wouldn't wear the hire shoes. he had to try and MAKE him put them on which lead to a mini meltdown which gave me all the stress of trying to coax him back to the game. DH felt that by telling DS in advance about the shoes and noise I was giving him ideas and excuses. I think he forgot that last year DS lost(binned) his gym things as he didn't like getting changed for gym.
His main worry is about our son being labeled ad judged, yet I feel before we made the changes he was labeled as a naughty boy ( by teachers as well as other parents)as he would lash out. I understand about the labeling as one of my co-workers asked if DS should be in a "special" school just because he cannot go on a school trip without a family member going with him. ( he has shutdowns and sits down refusing to move or communicate which isn't safe on outings and school can't provide 1 to 1)
Sorry for being so long winded, but I don't know how I can help my husband through this while still trying to do the best for my son.

Jasonandyawegunorts Sat 02-Jul-16 18:13:27

HEy, I've got no advice but there is more traffic on SN children and SNchat, so copy and pasting this there might get more people viewing it.

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