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Right my mums in trouble and i need to help her

(18 Posts)
onethingafteranotherforachange Mon 06-Jan-14 00:53:28

Have name changed for this though it will make me very recognisable to anybody that knows my family , but I'm desperate .

Spoke to my Dm today & she told me she has to be in court this Wednesday for my sisters lack of attendance at school .
My dsis is blameless in this and we have begged for help from the authorities & Doctors but they won't do anything .
Dsis is 12 & has undiagnosed Aspergers very severely it took until just over a year ago to realise this after reading lots of books etc she has been this way since the day she was born with the hand flapping , buzzing and lots of other things she also has Chronic Insomnia the Doctor won't give her anything he just said to send her to bed at x time and she will eventually go to sleep , She doesn't even after having everything confiscated she just physically can't sleep .

Which is one of the reasons for her lack of attendance , the other been she can't cope with big groups etc .
She moved to a lovely new school last term which has made a slight change but nothing major .
Once she is asleep it is very hard to wake her to the point of chucking a bucket of water and she didn't even stir .
It takes her hours to get ready and its not like she is putting make up etc on everything has to be just right .
She did see a Children's MH specialist mid last year and he didn't seem concerned in the slightest as she has learnt to mask her many problems he thought my Dm was lying .

Dsis is coming to stay at mine this Tuesday to see if i can get her in to some kind of routine .

This will be the 3rd/4th time my Dm has been at court for none attendance the first time was 11 years ago when my Df commited suicide and they went mad because we didnt attend school properly for 4 months hmm
Due to my Df me and my siblings were left mentally unstable and so i didnt attend school from year ten and then my dm had lots of problems with my Db as he was affected the mostt by my Df death and truanted a lot from school due to bullying etc none of which my new as she would drop him at school then sneak out the back gate .

What can I do ?

Their is no way I can find a solicitor in such a short amount of time , Dm is scared she is going to end up in jail when she has done her best despite everything else going on their are other children that do attend school and have no problems but what will happen if they send her to jail ??

She/we have begged for help and get none because she is not an Alcoholic or Drug user (This is actually what she was told)
My DM is not a bad person she has just been dealt a lot of bad cards sad

Their must be something I can do ???

WannaBeANinja Mon 06-Jan-14 00:56:44

Get an appt with Cit advice, they will help.

Good luck

JollySantersSelectionBox Mon 06-Jan-14 00:58:42

There is still time to get a solicitor. Some are pulled in at very short notice.

Keep calm, tomorrow get your mum to write down as much as she can of everything that has happened.

Then get legal advice. Try calling CAB tomorrow for a list of contacts and information on free initial consultations.

Or post in legal here to see if anyone can help.

Sounds like your poor mum and sis have badly slipped through the cracks. She has to start communicating now at least with a solicitor.

Good luck, it sounds ad f you are pulling everyone together.

ChippingInWadesIn Mon 06-Jan-14 01:00:31

I'm sorry - it sounds like you have all had a terrible time of it sad

I would post this in education, legal and special needs as well. You will get a lot of help if you reach the right people.

Good luck

PicklePicklePickle Mon 06-Jan-14 01:03:10

My mum was in a similar position.

My younger sister who is diagnosed with ADHD had really poor attendance. A lot of this was down to my sister, on the days my mum could get her to go in she would take her into the school.....and my sister would toddle back out again the minute the teachers back was turned.
But also like you she had and still does have horrendous problems sleeping. Exactly as you explained she can not get to sleep and once she is out there is no waking her.

At the time my mum was recovering from cancer but the school and local council didn't seem to give a shit and seemed set on making an example of her and taking my mum to court hmm

My mums friend at the time was a SEN at another local school and went in and wiped the floor with the school in question. Told them they had failed my sister and hadn't followed correct procedure....which was totally true.
This bought my mum some time and she finally found a doctor who listened to her. She signed my sister off from school and got her refered to the hospital education service. She had personal tutors come to the house usually in the afternoon and then went on to attend a special school (I am not sure of the exact details but there were only a few pupils and they all had behavioural problems)
It never went to court in the not exactly the same as yours but it has some very similar things.

onethingafteranotherforachange Mon 06-Jan-14 01:06:41

I'll give CAB tomorrow though they only do appointments on a Wednesday hmm

What kinda solicitor do I need ?

tiredandsadmum Mon 06-Jan-14 01:07:51

Perhaps your local county council has a partnership for Parents. They are part of the local authority education department and provide a neutral middle ground between parents and schools. There is also something called CAF - where all treatment for children including that provided within in schools is brought under a single umbrella. I would have thought the school could assist getting in resource to help get your sister into school.

Sorry no help with the court hearing.

WestmorlandSausage Mon 06-Jan-14 01:10:15


you say it is undiagnosed Aspergers

Have you considered other possibilities such as Smith Magenis syndrome?

Similar but different - its the sleep thing that caught my eye.

onethingafteranotherforachange Mon 06-Jan-14 01:11:04

The School aren't much use tbh .

Say if I ring and say she won't go they come round and ask why even though they have been told a million times

onethingafteranotherforachange Mon 06-Jan-14 01:11:36

What's smith magernis ?

JollySantersSelectionBox Mon 06-Jan-14 01:13:28

It would be good if you had evidence of communication with the school, otherwise it looks like your mum burying her head.

You need a family solicitor.

WestmorlandSausage Mon 06-Jan-14 01:15:15

Common symptoms

Most children with Smith–Magenis syndrome have a broad, square-shaped face with deep-set eyes, full cheeks, and a prominent lower jaw. The middle of the face and the bridge of the nose often appear flattened. The mouth tends to turn downward with a full, outward-curving upper lip. These facial differences can be subtle in early childhood, but they typically become coarser and more distinctive in later childhood and adulthood.

Disrupted sleep patterns are characteristic of Smith–Magenis syndrome, typically beginning early in life. Affected people may be very sleepy during the day, but have trouble falling asleep and awaken several times each night, due to an inverted circadian rhythm of melatonin.[3]
People with Smith–Magenis syndrome have engaging personalities, but most also have behavioral problems. These include frequent temper tantrums and outbursts, aggression, anxiety, impulsiveness, and difficulty paying attention. Self-injury, including biting, hitting, head banging, and skin picking, is very common. Repetitive self-hugging is a behavioral trait that may be unique to Smith–Magenis syndrome. People with this condition may also compulsively lick their fingers and flip pages of books and magazines (a behavior known as "lick and flip"), as well as possessing an impressive ability to recall a wide range of small details about people or subject-specific trivia.

onethingafteranotherforachange Mon 06-Jan-14 01:38:26

Thanks for that West definitely not what my Dsis has as she has the hand flapping and sucking her stomach in by drawing her knees in iyswim
Sadly their is not much evidence as the kitchen floor fell through to the cellar last week and took all the paperwork with it and my DM had her phone stolen just before Christmas .

She really does have the worse luck

PolterGoose Mon 06-Jan-14 17:53:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

onethingafteranotherforachange Tue 07-Jan-14 04:15:47

Thanks Goose my DM doesn't use Mn so I'll have to try and post when I get chance

StarlightMcKingsThree Wed 08-Jan-14 00:12:44

Gosh, what a rough time you are all having. will be better to post in.

My advice to you now is to go personally to the GP and get an appointment card with an appointment on for your DSis for your DM to take to court.

The, go through as many reputable websites as you can and list symptoms of ASD and ADHD and Dyspraxia that apply to your Dsis.

Write a list of any symptom that your DSis displays and write one, preferably two real life examples of why they apply to her.

Get your DM to take a COPY of it to court too. Get her to tell them that she is having an awful time and has been blaming herself but that she is REALLY struggling with your DSis. Tell her to list any requests for help from anyone.

If you have time, write to Social Services requesting an assessment for potential support as you are struggling, send it tomorrow and take a copy of that to court too.

If you still have time, write and send THIS model letter and send it along with your list of symptoms, and take a copy to court. It doesn't have to be perfect. It doesn't even have to be any good actually because when it is refused (it will be) you can reapply any time again if you need to with a better thought out letter.

Try and do all of this tomorrow in order to take the documents with you showing that your DM is an active participant in trying to resolve the issue AND that there may be more to it than crap mother.

Finally, when you get out of court, follow up the appointment with the GP. She won't have to take your DSis to the first appointment. You will be looking for a referral to CAHMS or a Developmental Paediatrician, or whatever pathway they have that leads to an investigation for ASD.

StarlightMcKingsThree Wed 08-Jan-14 00:14:11

Oops, sorry. I got my days mixed up.

If you can do any of this before the hearing then great. If you can't then your DM can explain that she is doing those things and offer to submit the documents to the court as soon as she does.

Good luck.

angelkate1 Mon 29-Sep-14 20:27:29

Try and do all of this tomorrow in order to take the documents with you showing that your DM is an active participant in trying to resolve the issue AND that there may be more to it than crap mother. On the other hand try to resolve the issue with the help of a moderator.

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