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adult ds with ASD & money probs

(4 Posts)
ThatVikRinA22 Sun 11-Dec-11 19:02:52

hadnt even thought of anything like that, though not sure it sits well with me to write them off when he has been so reckless....but its like he has no self control or capacity to understand the gravity of what he is doing.

might get in touch with national autistic society tomorrow. worth a try and he is at the moment pretty amenable to us taking over his finances.

AgentProvocateur Sun 11-Dec-11 18:53:14

You could get financial guardianship, if he doesn't have the capacity to manage money. Given that your DS is at uni, I don't know how this would work - how they would prove that he didn't. Have you contacted the equivalent of Autism Scotland? This will propably be a common scenario to autism advisors, and, in fact, if it can be proved that he wasn;t able to manage money, they credit agreements may be annulled (is that the right word?) and the debt written off.

ThatVikRinA22 Sun 11-Dec-11 18:47:47

well, had a disasterous conversation with closest rellie today who made me feel 10x worse, stated the obvious about a million times and left me feeling miserable and depressed.

the good news is that he has so far allowed us to divvy out money like pocket money...

he has his ration for the next 2 days for uni. Im hoping this is a turning point.

ThatVikRinA22 Sat 10-Dec-11 16:52:04

ds is now 20, and while i love him dearly i do not trust him as far as i can throw him.
he probably operates at 3/4 his chronological age, so i would say about 14 is about right.

He is a full time student, living at home until September 2012 when he does his final year away at uni. He also has a part time job computer programming, which pays £350 a month.

he has lied several times regarding debts/money. Earlier this year he lied to me about going to see a friend in Kent, and used his entire years student loan money to get to Seattle, USA to meet a girl he met on the internet. In the process of this he "lost" $900 through mix ups with flights etc. I found out several months later, when he sat like a naughty school boy when he was caught out over the student loan.

He has several times been caught out with money, telling me he has been paid for little programming jobs etc that he hasnt, he constantly tells me not to worry, and up until today, has always refused point blank to allow either me or DH to help him manage his money, and we are powerless to intervene due to his age.

A month or so ago i found an Ipad in his bedroom, he told me he had bought it from a friend at uni, then i found a Cashconverters label and reciept for it, he paid almost £400 for it. He refused to even discuss it with me.

last year i intercepted a loan from a pay day loan company, with extortionate rates of interest, i stopped him, and he promised he wouldnt do that again.

today i found several letters regarding returned Direct debit payments, a credit card included, which i did not know he had and, when i finally flipped my lid and told him to either tell me what was going on or leave home and run up debts on someone elses address, he fessed up to using more pay day loan companies, ( being maxed out on the credit card and being maxed out on both his bank account overdrafts.

DH has said i must not lose my temper, as this is the first time he has ever told me the extent of his problems with money, but i am sad and so tired of this with him.

He has agreed to hand all his cards over to DH, until a payment plan can be sorted, and he has also agreed to being given cash on a weekly basis, even when he goes to uni, because he seems to have finally recognised that he cannot manage his money himself.
we visited the uni last week to see a SEN advisor, and DS asked then if anyone would help him with money management - (the answer was NO) so he does see he has a problem, but until today would not allow me or DH to help him, and he always denied any problems vehemently if we have asked.

It seems he has been in this mess for about a year. I have no idea why he keeps us at arms length with all of this, though he hates to admit failure and would rather pretend that things are not happening than face up to problems, ive seen this with uni work too, he denies a problem until a tutor phones me directly.

i am so worried. his debts are not insurmountable, but this pattern of spending, lying, denial and finally breaking down and expecting help is wearing me out and terrifying me for his future.

he has no self control where money is concerned, and because he is over 18 i am powerless to help unless he lets me.

He thinks its all ok now. It is, until next time. I am not paying his debts for him, i dont have £2000 laying around and i think he needs to learn from this,

what can i do?

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