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Please help - advise needed for DS

(19 Posts)
MissPitstop Sun 14-Jun-09 07:36:28

Ive posted this in SEN as well as Im not sure which one I should use!

My DS1 has Aspergers, he attends mainstream school but does not have a statement. We are having a whole variety of problems with this, I think he needs 1:1 as but the SENCO has told me that I wont get it. DS doesnt display problems very frequently at school (although has begun to) but explodes when he gets home, this has resulted in violence towards myself and his siblings, self harm, sleep and eating problems, general anx
oiety and school refusal. Until recently he didnt even have an action plan as the SENCO didnt think he needed it "he is exceeding all his target for his age". There was an incident at school yesterday where DS was put in a situation that I had warned them in a meeting just a few days ago would result in DS self harming. I went in to the school this am to talk to them about this. His school teacher apologised and said "it wouldnt have happened if he had 1:1", "I didnt have time to prepare him/sort out an alternative". Does anyone have any experience or advice for getting a statement on the grounds of mental health issues and behaviour caused by school but displayed outside?

bubblagirl Sun 14-Jun-09 07:54:51

have posted on your other thread

MissPitstop Sun 14-Jun-09 08:10:09

Thanks bubblagirl Im not sure how I managed to post this twice!?!

bubblagirl Sun 14-Jun-09 10:25:18

i thought anyone was able to ask for a statement its parents legal right if you google statement of special needs it gives you draft letters you can use etc

it sounds like your ds is doing well but maybe more structure as in now and next could be useful so he knows at all times what will be happening

when he gets home maybe he needs an outlet from his stressful day at school the sensory overload may come to much do you have trampoline he could go on to unwind and relax

senco should have some action plan in place if he is doing so well he may not get 1-1 but you may have some extra hours that can be given to support and work around sensory issues maybe i would say statement alone for Aspergers should be enough write your reasons for wanting statement but be honest as they will check up with all professionals and they will decide if statement is needed to be honest your ds sounds like he is doing well and school can give help on action plus i believe this can be done without a statement and you need to ask about getting some IEP in place have meeting with senco discuss your ds difficulties in school and see if some IEP can be drawn up to support him

bubblagirl Sun 14-Jun-09 10:26:26

how old is your ds? thought id paste my reply for you here to as you haven't got back on other thread

MissPitstop Sun 14-Jun-09 15:11:21

Sorry I didnt post back things here got a bit manic DS had his 6th meltdown of the weekend. DS1 is 10 but really big and strong for his age, I am really struggling to keep him and Ds2,3&4 safe at the moment.
Hes in Yr5 so Ive got one more year before he goes to senior school. I definately need to get him a statement for then so think I will start the process ASAP.
Im just not sure how much of his home life, mental health etc they have to take into account. If they just look at him at school they will definately refuse him.

bubblagirl Sun 14-Jun-09 16:09:12

you put down your reasons so you could say his sensitivities from school makes him aggressive when he comes home and hope that some more provisions will be made for him at school to relieve stress and maybe try and find a way of him relaxing when he gets home could he have 10 mins on trampoline as reward and then do homework maybe do now and next make sure he gets enough time on his own

my ds needs space that is just his to really unwind away from others

if you have now and next you can do reward things so if he does homework he can have 30 mins computer time for eg if misbehaves computer comes of the board but can be earnt back by good behaviour

most of all making sure if things become to much around his brothers that his space is respected and he gets the time out ds is always best alone and can unwind much quicker

AttilaTheMeerkat Sat 20-Jun-09 18:22:47

Miss Pitstop

I would apply for a Statement asap; they are not always just for educational needs.

You need to write to the LEA's chief education officer and give them six weeks to reply. If they say no you can appeal their crass decision.

Bloody Senco's always say that - ignore the naysayer!. Tell her to piss off (in your own mind!). You are your child's best and only advocate.

Your son sounds like he is actually barely coping with his school environment hence his worsening behaviour at home. They can and do bottle up all their frustrations with school and its myriad of social niceties, written and unwritten rules.

Longer term as well, many children with AS can struggle on a social basis particularly in secondary school. I would look into getting him extra support asap.

MissPitstop Wed 19-Aug-09 15:14:59

Hi again

Things have progressed further since I last posted. I applied for a statement assesment as you all advised, I listed all the people who are currently involved with DS1 CAHMS, HV, GP etc. DS has been unable to attend school since June.

I have just recieved a letter stating they will not be assessing DS1. I have contacted the LEA who have told me that this was due to the Ed Psyc report who had stated that the SENCO does not wish for her input and the SENCO report stated that they did not feel DS1 had a need for a statement.

In my last meeting at school the SENCO told me that she was supporting my request and had requested that the Ed Psyc assess DS1 as a matter of urgency. She also promised to post me a timetable for DS so that I can start to prepare him for returning back to school in Sept. I am left feeling totally hurt, angry, bewildrerd etc and dont know what to do next.

tethersend Wed 19-Aug-09 23:00:05

Ok... first of all, does your DS have a diagnosis of Aspergers? If not, you can go through your GP (who will make a referral) in order to get him formally diagnosed.

No school worth their salt can then refuse to support Ed Psych involvement.

I worked as an ASD specialist teacher at mainstream secondary school, and was constantly appalled by the inertia and ineptitude of some primary SENCOs. They seem to operate in a vacuum, and should be answerable to the head- please contact the head directly about this issue.

Often when a child reaches secondary school, the level of support they receive can increase, which, by the sounds of things seems likely. I spent a good amount of time pushing to get y7 students statemented because -gasp- it is in the school's interests!

There is the very real possibility that if he is ok at school, but not at home, and has a diagnosis, speaking to social services may be a good idea. I realise that this may not be easy, and comes with stigma attached- they may not do anything at all, but they may be able to offer some respite support and/or put extra pressure on school. i do understand if you don't want to go down this route, but it may be one of the options available to you.

Often, students with ASD thrive on the routine of school and have a complete meltdown at home- I'm not saying that this is the case with your DS, but that you are not alone...

tethersend Thu 20-Aug-09 10:47:30

edited to add: It may be possible for social services to help out without a diagnosis too, just that they are likely to be more effective with one.

Also, please contact the National Autistic Society, as they run 'befriending' schemes, and respite services, as well as an 'advocate' service for parents, whereby they can help you access the support you and your DS need.

Good luck

MissPitstop Sun 23-Aug-09 18:03:09


Sorry for the delay in my reply, I have had a bad couple of days trying to let the whole situation sink in.

Thanks for your replies tethersend.

DS does have a diagnosis of Aspergers but we still dont seem to be getting the help we need.

I intend on speaking with the head as soon as school reopens, even if this does nothing but voice my upset and annoyance, hopefully it will make me feel better.

We have a disability social worker who has refered DS to local play schemes etc but at the moment his mental health is so poor that he is unable/unwilling to socialise. We have no further support from social services.

My GP has been fighting to get us another referal to CAHMS after we were discharged being tols that DSs self harm was not serious and we should just let him get on with it.

For the next school year we have decided to home school him. I have been warned that the fight with the LEA may take a long time and I am not happy with him being put in another unsafe situation by the school again. Hopefully in this year we will be able to get him the support he needs both for his education and for his mental health so that he will be ready to start high school next September.

IUsedToBePeachy Sun 23-Aug-09 18:17:28


Sorry to come to this late but your ds sounds like mine, only a year older.

Obtaining a statement is so important- managing ds1's stress at school helps him manage his behaviour at home; that then feeds back into a cycle and all benefit. Without it, ds1 may well have been in a baording school by now (he is violent, I hate the ideas but got close)

I too am thinking of HE'ing ds1 depending on hgow the new Head works out at school; there's fair chance she'll expel him so I want to get in there first iyswim

Thers an off bopard support group called TTR; if you email me on peaches and cream @ bt internet. com I can get you on there, there are many of us in a similar palce on MN but sadly reluctant tro post much after the whole dm debacle

IUsedToBePeachy Sun 23-Aug-09 18:18:52

'self harm was not serious and we should just let him get on with it.'

believe it or not though that advice is almost right (from my time in Psych nursing)- except A) you have access to resources immediately should things escalate, and B) you should be taught infection control techniques to deal with any minor harming.

MissPitstop Sun 23-Aug-09 20:29:48

Hi again. Ihave emailed you Iusedtobepeachy.

IUsedToBePeachy Mon 24-Aug-09 12:00:58

Not received yet

Do you have CAT? If not I shall get you the other addy we use

MissPitstop Mon 24-Aug-09 13:22:44

No I dont have CAT

I have resent it to see if I have more luck this time!

IUsedToBePeachy Mon 24-Aug-09 15:30:55

try that one

MissPitstop Mon 24-Aug-09 15:43:43

Ive just tried that one too. Thanks

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