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No help from school, what can I do

(15 Posts)
crazymare20 Wed 09-Jan-19 10:20:45

Hi ladies, I’m looking for a bit of advice. My daughter is just turning 10 years old and has a diagnosis of asd, delayed and disorganised speech disorder and an additional difficulty which affects her understanding. She is in main stream school and enjoys school most of the time. However over the years she has been let down by the school with regards to 1:1, toileting needs, environment and friendships (sorry it’s vague there’s sooo much to write I would be here all day). Things are coming to a head now and I need advice where I can go to get the school to listen to me and provide support to my daughter. I have not seen the senco for two years. Her grades are starting to slip, last year she spent most of the time either in the corridor doing work alone or outside on the benches if weather was nice, this is due to loudness in the classroom (I asked for ear defenders but the school didn’t have any spare for her and she wouldn’t wear any but the ones that school have as she doesn’t want to look different to others) Last year was particularly difficult as she was in a classroom with other children who have sen needs but were disruptive, hence taking herself out of the situation. The school focus so much on the children who are disruptive that the ones who aren’t get overlooked. She has so much potential that could be reached with the correct support but she just isn’t getting it, she spends so much time alone, she is rejected by her peers and is now being rejected by her younger sister who is coming to an age where she wants her own independence and doesn’t want her sister latched onto her at school and at home and it’s starting to affect her emotional wellbeing. Where can I go to get her help as teachers and senco do not listen to my concerns and I’m at my wits end. I’ve asked twice for details of local autism parent support from both school and learning support service (still waiting three years later)..

grasspigeons Wed 09-Jan-19 17:12:34

I am sorry that this is your experience. Your poor child.

I dont know if this advice is right but i would probably focus on the grade slipping as something tangeble that might affect their precious stats. I know it probably the least of your concerns but its a reason to have a meeting to find out why and what tgey are going to do.

And id propably say be persistent. I took to calling everyday to and hanging around the office. Emailing the head etc. If all the attentiin goes on behaviour issues youll have to play up as she doesnt. Lol

crazymare20 Wed 09-Jan-19 23:23:07

I think I am going to have to hound them to do something which I hate having to do. I went in this morning to request a meeting with the senco and I have heard nothing. Honestly my heart breaks for her. It’s her birthday next week and I asked her to write a list of friends to invite and she really struggled to think of anyone. She’s such a good girl considering the problems she’s facing and I have put so much into her to make sure she has coping mechanisms for when situations become to much so that she doesn’t kick off and it’s now looking like it’s going to bite me on the backside. I feel like I can’t win.

grasspigeons Thu 10-Jan-19 07:45:37

This is a very real ptoblems. So many shools only see and deal with problems for them, not problems for the child and family. Its horrible but you have to fight, fight, fight.

Thekidsarefightingagain Thu 10-Jan-19 19:01:42

Have you applied for an EHCP? Sounds like she definitely needs one.

crazymare20 Fri 11-Jan-19 08:46:07

When she was diagnosed at 5 I had to stamp my feet for the then learning support service to come out to do her assessment but they would not give her a echp (was called a statement then) as they claimed she wasn’t bad enough to warrant one. That was the last contact I had with them (coming up to 5 years now). I used to have a meeting with the senco every term to go over progress and set new goals and ensure she was kept on track but that has now stopped (two years now). I requested a meeting on Tuesday and it is now Friday and I haven’t heard anything.

Thekidsarefightingagain Fri 11-Jan-19 09:57:39

Saying that someone 'isn't bad enough for an ehcp' is a complete load of rubbish designed to put you off. As a parent you can (and should) apply yourself rather than the school. The legal criteria for an EHC assessment is 1) That a child has or may have SEN and 2) That the child may need an EHCP. Your daughter meets this criteria.
There's a really good template letter on the IPSEA website. SOS!SEN is a brilliant charity offering free legal advice so please do phone them (IPSEA also great but difficult to get a phone appointment)

crazymare20 Fri 11-Jan-19 21:26:28

Really. Is that always been the case or is this a new thing when the statement of needs was changed to an echp? I never knew I could apply myself.

Marshmallow09er Sat 12-Jan-19 08:28:59

It's always been the case.
Schools / LA will pretty much always say SC won't get a plan because they want to reduce the number of plans.

Read up on Ipsea and SOSSEN as PP has advised and find out how to apply in your LA (mine sent out an application form for me to fill in and submit).

You most likely will be given a no to assessment decision but 85% of those decisions are overturned at Tribunal (again, they are trying to put people off).

Marshmallow09er Sat 12-Jan-19 08:29:20

SC should be DC!

Thekidsarefightingagain Sat 12-Jan-19 10:13:04

You don't even need to fill in an LA application form (again, that's the LA trying to make things difficult for you). Just use the template letter on the IPSEA website. If I've learned two things from this process it's 1) Question everything as you will be told a pack of lies and 2) get private reports if you can afford them (our NHS/LA reports don't cut the mustard as they haven't picked up many issues, are very woolly and some things are a bit questionable).

Rose1981 Thu 31-Jan-19 11:06:09

You have been given good advice, best thing you can do is apply for a EHCP assessment yourself using IPSEA/ SOSSEN and suggested above. If you haven’t already keep all communication with the school in writing (email is easiest). If you have a conversation follow it up by email saying you just want to confirm you understood the conversation the same way they did. Gather any reports and put in a written letter request to the school (get a receipt from receptionist for this) and request support plan/ Wave of intervention. Good luck

Ellie56 Fri 15-Feb-19 22:22:07

Your poor little girl. sad I agree she needs an EHC Needs assessment. Apply yourself, citing the fact that the school are not meeting her needs and as a result, her grades are slipping, she is increasingly isolated, she has no friends as her peers and even her own sister reject her, and her emotional well being is being affected, plus any other evidence you have.

Information here:

Be warned though - you may have to appeal as a lot of local authorities (unlawfully) turn down first applications as a matter of course angry

You can get further advice from the IPSEA helpline:

Survivor18 Sun 17-Feb-19 20:39:48

Agree completely with all the above advice.
If you don't push to get your daughter assessed no one else will. Don't take 'no' for an answer, follow up every conversation and meeting in writing and be prepared to go to Tribunal. As likely as not you will win.
Get Indi reports as suggested if you can afford them. I recently had a private EP one done which cost £1500, but that was for fighting for residential placement so more comprehensive than you might need right now. Couldn't stretch to Tribunal standard SALT report so went with more basic version for £350. Still proved what I needed.
You need to get this sorted before Secondary school, because whatever your DD is dealing with now will escalate with normal teenage angst.
Don't want to scare you, just want to highlight that time is of the essence. If you push to get her support level right now you will save her so much unnecessary heartache.
You can do it!

SLTresearcher Wed 27-Feb-19 21:41:26

hello, I am currently doing research into what forms of support are available to children with speech and language issues in a primary school. I myself am severely dyslexic and while in primary school, received no support at all. I am interested to see if now there is more support available. From your post, this is evidently not the case. I am very sorry that you have had this experience, do persevere! I only had my mum for support and she got me to UNI, there's hope!

I would be very grateful if you could fill in my questionnaire for my dissertation project in as much detail as you can, it would help me immensely. If you have any questions please feel free to email me on Thank you in advance for your participation smile

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