Our SN area is not a substitute for expert advice. While many Mumsnetters have a specialist knowledge of special needs, if they post here they are posting as members, not experts. There are, however, lots of organisations that can help - some suggestions are listed here. If you've come across an organisation that you've found helpful, please tell us. Go to Special needs chat, Parents with disabilities, SN teens, SN legal, SN children, SN recommendations.
Arrrgggh! Move from Mainstream to SEN school turning into a disaster.(3 Posts)
DS (15) moved to an SEN school in September after a lot of issues at mainstream. Very late in the day due to having to fight for 3 years for an EHCP (finally diagnosed with severe learning difficulties at age 11 after a long wait for an assessment due to very low attainment, behaviour and suspected ASD).
His behaviour was causing the issues at mainstream as he struggled to behave appropriately socially, couldn't do the work set, and there was also a lot of bullying as he is 6ft 3 but with the mind of an 8/9 year old. He struggled tremendously with little to show in terms of learning progress and it culminated in him refusing school and hiding in the toilets when he did go in. He was never aggressive and was always respectful to staff.
So I was extremely pleased when we were able to transfer him out of mainstream to a small SEN school locally. They were aware of his social issues and his silly behaviour before he started.
Within a week of him starting, I started to get very negative reports about him. Constant complaints that he was winding up the other kids and 'manipulating' them into doing stuff. Now I have been informed he is swearing at staff and pushed past a member of staff last week. Also he is 'refusing' to do stuff and had done some 'inappropriate' drawings. They say he is very 'dark' and is telling them about 18 rated horror films he has seen and 18 rated games he plays (he hasn't) and that he is obsessed with serial killers and the horror genre which they are very concerned about. He is interested in horror films and 'scary' stuff. He looks up that sort of stuff on You Tube which we have talked to him about at length and confiscated his tablet/phone when we see it on his search history. His current obsession is ASMR! The school has very negative view of him and keep going on about him being manipulative, which is a new one on me. At his previous mainstream school, we never had any reports of this and certainly he never swore at staff.
Yesterday the Head called me to say that he'd told another boy to pick up a stick and hit himself with it. The boy was very upset about this so they have moved DS to another class away from this boy. DS has said he has been put with Yr9s which he hates when he is Yr11. I am going to ask the school why, if they feel he is manipulating other children, have they put him with much younger ones? They have a 6th form, they could have put him with the Upper School. He also is kept in at breaktimes.
Today I got a call asking me to collect him as they weren't going to let him come back on the LEA arranged transport due to him taking a Halloween mask into school (they found it in his bag, I had no idea) and wearing it on the bus this morning as they said he was trying to deliberately scare the other kids. I said I couldn't get there (no car) so could they confiscate the mask if they were worried so he didn't have it on bus but they said they were concerned about how he would react if they did that. In the end they let him get on the bus. They also mentioned DS was picking up sticks and hitting trees with them - a very normal, long standing behaviour for him - and telling other kids to do the same. In his home school book, there was a message about him having to be told to clean up some ink on his desk which he said he'd spilt - why the need to write that down? DS had said he'd discussed with a friend bring in Halloween masks the day before and he says he 'dares' kids to do stuff because he's bored.
I spoke to the bus escort lady when he was dropped off and she said it was no problem and all the kids had been wearing the mask in the morning and laughing about it! She has spoken to me before that she feels the school is 'picking' on DS and always having a go at him as she has witnessed when she picks him up. I spoke to the school about it but they said this is not the case. Anyway the bus escort said again today that DS is always respectful to her and is no trouble and she still feels the school are picking on him and also 2 other DC have been removed from the school by their parents (1 DS's only friend) as they are unhappy about the way they are being treated. DS also said that a staff member had told him the school escort was 'not a very good one' which he then repeated back to her and also that another teacher asked him if he wanted to be at the school, when he said No, the teacher told him that it should have been his decision what school he went to, not his parents!
School told me earlier this week that they don't feel their school is the right place for him as he is disrupting the other children who are more vulnerable than him, although he is too IMO!
I am obviously going to have to move him again but would appreciate advice as there are no other SEN schools in the area and another mainstream would not work and would be pointless as it would only be until next July. I don't want him at home as he will just be sitting around all day, isolated as he was before the move to the SEN school. It is impossible to home school him as it's impossible to get him to sit and do work and will just create extra stress on me and him!
If you managed to trawl through all that, thank you. Any advice?
Hi , didn’t want to read and run. Two things come to mind. Do you think his behaviour was under reported at his mainstream school? It wouldn’t be the first time this has happened if this is the case. Do you think he is attention seeking and trying to fit in albeit rather clumsily and as he has been surrounded by NT 15 year olds not appropriately for his new environment.
Do you think he is happy in his new school? Does he want to go to school. If he is happy, learning and wants to go it’s worth pulling out the stops to try and make it work. Does he respond to social stories?
Does he have a one to one?
My Ds was Mr Perfect at mainstream. Wasn,t learning and wasn,t fitting in socially. Then had big behavioural problems at SS. (No learn disability) He struggled with no 1-1. Struggled with other kids behaviour and different routines. Also he thought he would have loads of friends which he didn’t,t.This was age 11 not 15.
If you do move him does your local 6th form college take 14-16 year olds and if it does could he join their learning support groups? would he fair better in a more mature environment?
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.