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Anyone else had a rough start to reception?

(24 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

BellaGoth Sun 24-Sep-17 20:36:11

DS is my eldest, he's 3 weeks in (and still has another week of hall days to go).

First 3 mornings were OK but it's been all downhill from there and I can't see it getting better any time soon. He's being assessed for autism. I met with the school SENCO in the summer, she seemed fantastic. I spent the summer smugly telling friends and family how supportive the school had been and how I was sure DS would be just fine.

How wrong I was. The class teacher didn't read any of the reports so nothing was put in place. The SENCO has now gone on maternity leave. The paediatric and SALT reports have gone missing. It's been a complete disaster. DS' behaviour is awful both in and out of school. He refuses to even touch the reading books coming home from school (he loves his stories and will ask people to read to him all the time). I'm completely ignoring the rest of the homework.

I loved school as a child and I was so excited for him. He's so keen to learn. Now I hate the thought of it. Obviously I'm trying to be positive for him, but inside all I keep thinking is "we've got 14 more years of this..."

Someone tell me it might get better!

claremercer26 Sun 24-Sep-17 21:39:26

Has he been given a pcp person centred plan or any other support

Balfe Sun 24-Sep-17 23:08:05

What adaptions do you think he needs?

Is he receiving any 1-1 time?

Have you met with the class teacher yourself?

GreenTulips Sun 24-Sep-17 23:13:42

Well I think you need to give it time.

Don't worry about reading, read too him. Don't worry about homework! Talk about it instead.

Let the teachers find the links, you've had him longer than 3 weeks and your teachers need to get to know him and 30 other kids during half days. They will look at how the class gels and what needs exist.

They may find him a quiet space to hide in or have a 'nurture room' that he can escape too, but at the moment they have to watch and see

It's all normal and you shouldn't worry too much

IntoTheDeep Sun 24-Sep-17 23:30:16

Have you spoken to the class teacher?
If you haven't already, it's probably worthwhile trying to set up a meeting so that you can talk about your DS's needs and what kind of help and support you feel he needs.

Love51 Sun 24-Sep-17 23:35:21

Do you have copies of the salt and paeds reports so you can fill in their blanks?

BellaGoth Mon 25-Sep-17 04:57:07

Thanks for all the replies. Apologies for disappearing, I got an early night. As you can see we're up early in this house.

clare the SENCO was supposed to be putting together a report for him. I don't know if she has. I've asked at reception twice if they could chethis file, but both times they've said they cane get it as it's stored in the head's office and she's in a meeting. I've asked them to check and let me know, but nothing so far.

Balfe no more 121 time than any other child. His needs are actually quite minor. He can't cope with being crowded by lots of children. I asked them to be aware of this when getting changed for PE etc. All they needed to do was make sure he was on the edge og the group. They've put his peg right in the middle of the row. We've been called in to discuss his behaviour as he's pushed other children during changing time.

I also asked that he sits at the edge of the group at carpet time. Again, they haven't.

I could go on, it's actually all quite minor stuff. The school has strong links with the nursery DS went to. The nursery sent the school details on the adaptations they made (very successfully). School have ignored them.

I have met with the class teacher. She agreed to do a few things. Some have been Done, others not.

Green the class teacher says there's no room for a quiet space. Actually what calms him down is sensory input. I was told he'd be given access to a sandpit and a weighted lap pad, neither has happened.

Love yes I've provided duplicate copies. It's just so frustrating as there's some really useful information that would have prevented some unpleasant incidents had she read the reports.

Beardedandbalded Mon 25-Sep-17 05:23:07

You need a meeting with the Head right NOW. Your child is being let down by the school's crappy systems of communication, which can be sorted. I'd print and laminate a sheet with "what you need to know" and "what he must have access to" kinds of points and ensure this gets handed to every teacher.

But I'll say this : if it's going wrong now, at reception when you've already got a diagnosis and a clear picture of his needs, and they're not bothered about this sort of thing, get out now. Find a different and more nurturing school, don't try to fight, it's hard enough parenting a SN child without battling every day with school.

Oblomov17 Mon 25-Sep-17 06:00:23

telling friends and family how supportive the school had b

Oblomov17 Mon 25-Sep-17 06:03:00

Err no.
Get it in writing. Get a paper trail. Email head to ask for a meeting, asap with her and teacher. Ask a friend to come along to take minutes.
Get a list together. Run through points. Quickly. Let them answer.

Send copy of minutes to head. Wise up. You are going to have to fight.

BellaGoth Mon 25-Sep-17 06:21:49

The SENCO acted supportive in all of the transition meetings we had. They said all the right things. They sent photos of the whole school for him and let him visit whenehe wanted (nursery have access to the school building). So yes, they seemed fantastic. It's only since he actually started its all gone wrong. What do you mean by "wise up"? Believe me I'm very wise to how badly things have been handled.

Bearded all of the schools around here are oversubscribed, although I have started tentatively looking around. But to be honest how can I tell if the next school is any good? This one seemed fantastic at first. In fact I'm still fairly certain it's down to the class teacher we're having problems. I will be requesting a meeting with the head and replacement SENCO.

MothershipG Mon 25-Sep-17 06:42:10

I think you are suffering the consequences of the good SENCO being on leave. In DS’s school career the quality of the SENCO had a big impact on the quality of support he received.

So in the meantime you need to develop a thick skin and become ‘that’ parent. Make an appointment with the teacher and SENCO reiterate your son’s needs, take notes and follow up with an email listing what was agreed to.

Be prepared to do this at regular intervals, in my experience schools are shockingly bad at passing information forward and you’ll have to do this with every new teacher and TA.

I was in the fortunate position to be able to volunteer at my DS’s school and found that having teachers, office staff and support staff familiar with me made it a lot easier to have casual top up support chats.

Fingers crossed this is just teething troubles and things will settle down.

Oblomov17 Mon 25-Sep-17 06:43:56

Well I meant it in the nicest possible way. You say they are fantastic. But really? They've done nothing.
Teacher didn't even read notes. Not I stalked the recommendations. Apparently nice senco has disappeared off the face of the earth. Where is her file? Of work to date?

Ask for an emergency meeting with head. Where is senco replacement/cover.

I think you sound a bit naieve and taken in by their apparent niceness.

You've been called in for meetings? Re his behaviour? No wonder. He's not being supported.

Maybe you now need to take those 'meeting' opportunities, to request that Head and senco attend and actions are put in writing.

Oblomov17 Mon 25-Sep-17 06:45:21

And maybe get this moved to SN section ? so you can get some proper advice from our very knowledgeable regular posters.

daydreamnation Mon 25-Sep-17 06:48:04

Only wanted to add that the peg situation is irrelevant, they won't get ready for pe by their pegs. I work in F2, that would never work!
Hope things improve soon for your ds

BellaGoth Mon 25-Sep-17 06:50:49

oblomov I said they WERE good. When the SENCO was involved.

If by naive you mean that this is my first experience of the school system, well yes, that's true. But believe me, I am very used to being THAT parent. Every hobby he's tried, even every nursery key worker... I've always been THAT parent.

SENCO hasn't disappeared off the face of the earth, she's on maternity leave. I wasn't aware she was pregnant, it certainly wasn't obvious at our meeting back in June.

BellaGoth Mon 25-Sep-17 06:53:30

daydream I've no idea where they change! All I know is that his coat, wellies, and PE bag hang on his peg, which is in the middle of the row. If the teacher told all of the children to get wellies / PE bags / coats at the same time he won't cope.

BellaGoth Mon 25-Sep-17 06:58:32

Will report and ask for a move to sn, thanks.

AJPTaylor Mon 25-Sep-17 07:02:36

under no circumstances wait for something to happen
nothing ever ever happens unless you personally and directly make it happen.
make an urgent appt with the head
if this proves difficult i would keep him at home for a few days and tell them he cant cope with school as it is. this impacts their attendance figure and gets their attention.

wannabestressfree Mon 25-Sep-17 07:13:52

Ask to have a meeting with the acting senco and the class teacher whenever is convenient. It's early days... I know it's frustrating but you just need to persevere smile

LornaMumsnet (MNHQ) Mon 25-Sep-17 10:01:24

Hi folks,

We're just sending this over to SN education at the OP's request.


BellaGoth Mon 25-Sep-17 10:09:01

Thanks Lorna

Marshmallow09er Tue 26-Sep-17 13:05:05

Hi Bella


Sorry you've had a tough few weeks.
It sounds like it could have been made a lot easier if the successful strategies from nursery had been used from the start.

You've had some good advice about being proactive with school, so hopefully you've been able to meet with the new SENCO. The reasonable adjustments sound very simple but could make a huge difference for your DS.

Unfortunately I have found there are definitely teachers who innately get it, and those with who it's a struggle all year.

This board is very quiet btw so you might be better starting a new post on SN children or chat (we are a bit more quiet here than the main boards as we're all mostly parents of children with SN, but generally someone will reply).

Sadly your story is not unfamiliar to many of us with autistic children.

nad79 Fri 06-Oct-17 21:25:56

Hi, am so sorry to hear what a stressful time you have had. My son who is diagnosed with ASD is on his fourth week at Reception and is still on half days. Luckily his school has been ok. But on his first day I handed out a piece of laminated paper with all the main points about my son's needs and behaviour, to every teacher and TA I could find! As you just don't know if they do read the reports. I also made sure I found out his timetable so I could make a visual one for him at home and for his class. Maybe you could do that if they don't have one yet? It definitely helps my son with his anxiety.
I also got a move and sit cushion and made him sit on it during carpet time. You have to be a pushy parent unfortunately.
Good luck, hope things improve for you x

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