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I have no understanding of this

(90 Posts)
TheOriginalFAB Fri 14-Oct-11 16:38:09

My son is 10 and we have had to remove him from school because of continuing bullying and 2 physical attacks by a boy is is statemented. The school will not exclude him. They will send him home a few minute early when the helper also leaves but reckon they can monitor him all the time he is at school, ie right next to him. No one was next to him when we saw him this morning. Why is it that his right to an education comes before my son's right not to be physically attacked at school? I really do not understand it.

My other son has additional needs but was dealth with swiftly and fairly when he pushed a child over. This boy has hurt my son much more seriously and yet we have had to take our child out because they say they can't remove the child who is volatile and unpredictable.

I just do not understand it and I am devastated that my child has to change schools now.

lechildrenofthecornsilk Fri 14-Oct-11 16:42:34

why aren't you asking the LEA these questions? confused

TheOriginalFAB Fri 14-Oct-11 16:50:55

Because we haven't got any contact numbers for them yet and this is a discussion board.

Peachy Fri 14-Oct-11 16:54:09

I spent ages typing an answer then ds4 deleted it - argh!

Firstly i don't know if you will get much reponse ehre, most of the aprents in the SN / SEN sections will be on the other side, I know I was for ages trying to get help for a hitter (now in an ASD Base) and might feel it difficult too post: also this isn;t the busiest area sometimes.

the why though is easy: hard cash. Specilaist schools cost big bucks. It's nothing to do with his right to an education- technically that's a right to an appropriate one anyway- a specilaised school would provide that, it will likely be the LEA not wanting to fund it. Happens every day sdly.

Now, it could also be parents in denial, that's not that rare either but usually that rsults in a lot of suspensions to help force child with SEN out: not happening in this case. LEAs are pretty good at putting subtle (and unsubtle) pressures on school to not request statements and then SN provision.

Either way it is ridiculously unfair on your child, have you been incontact with the LEA/ I would suggest a formal complaint and make sure that it is followed up.

Peachy Fri 14-Oct-11 16:55:12

If you call the council switchboard they will put you through to LEA.

It's the only way to get anything done sadly.

lechildrenofthecornsilk Fri 14-Oct-11 16:57:20

what peachy said
google them - there will be a number that you can phone or an email address

TheOriginalFAB Fri 14-Oct-11 17:15:46

I posted here because I was asking what having a statement meant so I could try and understand why the school would rather see my child go than ask the other child to leave. Mine has done nothing wrong and clearly this other child has difficulties and needs and if he can just run off and no one can stop him, then his needs are not being met either. I am not looking to blame the child. I am cross with the school but ultimately I am devastated to have to remove my child from a school he has been at since he was 4.

TheOriginalFAB Fri 14-Oct-11 17:16:29

Thank you Peachy. We will email as we can't ring now.

Peachy Fri 14-Oct-11 17:19:10

A statement means nothing universaaly: it just sets out the legal minimum a child is entitled to and will be personalised. It comes with funding but that varies. It migt be FT TA or no TA at all. It has to be spent on child so barring the possibility of a few ahred sessions won;t be a huge financial benefit: often the rverse as schools are expectd to front up come pounds themselves.

LIZS Fri 14-Oct-11 17:23:37

I don't think there is a definitive answer as to what a statement entails . It may include a specific level of one to one supervision but even that may well not be 100% of the time he is in school. I'm not sure you'll get a detailed response from school or LA about this particular child's statement but you can certainly ask how they will mitigate the effect of his behaviour upon your chidl and others, and safeguard them in the future assuming he remains at the school. Sadly it may take such incidents to force them to increase his level of supervision or even review if the school is appropriate for him.

TheOriginalFAB Fri 14-Oct-11 17:28:26

I have just had another anxiety attack.

I just don't understand why this child isn't removed.

My son now has to go to another school for 9 months and then move again. We are having to pay for the school too. I am just so upset.

Peachy Fri 14-Oct-11 18:23:13

What about the Governors, have you spoken to them?

there is anohter reason child may not be removed: capacity. It's fairly common for an LA to run all SN services at capacity due to cost and a aplce can take ages to come up.

Have you spoken to his parents, do you know if anything is happening?

BleachBoys Fri 14-Oct-11 18:36:54

How is your DS? (you rarely mention how he is feeling about this situation, which makes me wonder how he is reacting to it - possibly it is not affecting him as much as it is affecting you?).

Does he want to leave the school, because if it is just this other child, then you owe it to him to try to sort this out with the school - before you pull him out, take him away from his friends and familiar places, and put yourselves under additional stress paying for a new school (most parents who go independent plan for it as it is a lot of £££, as you must know). You need to factor in these new potential stresses before you pull him out.

It really would be dangerous to swap one source of stress (this child) for a myriad of other ones, if there is a chance of resolving this another way.

From your previous posts, it seems like you haven't been to the Head or Governers dierctly about this, despite it going on for a long time. You must do so, and give them a metaphorical kick up the bum to resolve the situation. You have to go to the top, and be direct. Not emailing them, or leaving messages, waiting to hear from the teacher etc. My advice would be to go in on Monday, sit outside the Head's office until he sees you. The only way the school can get you to leave is to call the Police smile. Once tyou have the head, ask for a meeting that day or the next with the Governer responsible for Safeguarding, and then make sure you come out with a effective response. It is part of a Head's responsibilities to deal with things like this as they arise, so if you are assertive enough, you will get to see him.

Only by doing this are you giving your son the best chance to stay at the school. I am sorry to sound harsh, but to me it sounds like you have pussy-footed around this by not going to the top (irrespective of your opinion of them, it is what you should do in this situation), and are now ducking out of confronting the powers that be, but still being indignant and upset.

Take control FAB, and only if you have explored every avenue, should you take this huge step for your DS and the rest of the family. I mean this with every kindness - and it may be hard to hear, but please give what I say some thought.

TheOriginalFAB Fri 14-Oct-11 19:10:16

I don't know who the parents are and have never spoken to him.

My son has been very upset but it all. Has talked about wanting to run away, wantint to die. Is happy now he doesn't have to go back to this school.

We have tried everything for years. We can not trust his teacher at all and can't trust the school to keep our child safe. They want him to stay to see if they can try something else but have no plan what to do if that doesn't work and our child is assaulted.

I am not ducking out of anything. We have given the school more than ample opportunity to stop these attacks.

Becaroooo Fri 14-Oct-11 19:13:39

Sorry to hear this fab

BleachBoys Fri 14-Oct-11 19:15:27

<<<<<says gently>>>>>
read what I said again FAB. You haven't done everything you can. You've not talked to the Head or the Governors. And you owe it to your son and the rest of the family - who will be affected if you are tight on money and stressed by sending your DS to a fee paying school - to try and resolve this at school.

I say this as the parent of a child who has been hurt at school which needed hospital treatment.

TheOriginalFAB Fri 14-Oct-11 19:22:42

We met with the head today and she said she could not exclude this child.

I can only do what my dh and I agree on and he hasn't wanted to go higher yet. I couldn't make him. He decided that ds1 was staying off today and wouldn't be going back. We will be contacting the governors and I have made a report to the police.

It will be difficult paying the fees but it is doable and there won't be any stress related to having less money to spend on stuff as we don't have a fancy lifestyle anyway.

Bottom line, are child was not safe at that school and we could not leave him there any longer. It isn't the first time this child has hurt ours.

I appreciate your help but please don't make me feel like I have been shit in handling this as I already know I have let ds1 down.

TheOriginalFAB Fri 14-Oct-11 19:23:20

Thank you Becaroooo.

abendbrot Fri 14-Oct-11 19:32:40

FAB you are doing the right thing for DS - he has said he will be happier elsewhere. You are also right in that it sounds as though this child's needs aren't being met. You will be better off in a school that can deal with all its children equally well, rather than a school that plays one child off against another.

Don't get in a state - chin up and move on. The school will soon see it is their loss.

TheOriginalFAB Fri 14-Oct-11 19:35:33

I just wish we could move our other 2 children as well.

Thank you smile.

BleachBoys Fri 14-Oct-11 19:42:02

What did the head say when you said you were going to take DS out?

TheOriginalFAB Fri 14-Oct-11 19:43:25

She said she would be sorry to lose him.

BleachBoys Fri 14-Oct-11 19:45:38

Did she say anything else? If not, what did you say to that?

TheOriginalFAB Fri 14-Oct-11 19:49:03

We said she wasn't giving us any choice.

DH was not impressed with her saying they had helped DS with his social skills. He doesn't need any help and they have made him feel like he doesn't matter for a very long time.

TBH I am devastated that it has come to this and I was really nervous going this afternoon to pick up my other children.

LIZS Fri 14-Oct-11 20:29:30

sad I wonder if the school is on the back foot because it hasn't fulfilled the statement or possibly with Disability Discrimination legislation they feel they cannot exclude purely due to his SN although the child's behaviour may well go beyond that. No excuses though, they have as much duty of care to your ds as any other child, and are failing in it - please take it further even if it does n't change the outcome for your ds.

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