Advanced search

Not coping.

(23 Posts)
timeforachangeithink Tue 01-Jan-19 22:24:09

I'm really not coping at the moment. DS has never slept well but it's even worse than usual just now. DP is a grumpy git when he doesn't get sleep and is walking round with a face on, being unhelpful and horrid to both ds and I.

Among the ridiculous things that are my fault today are my parents not helping out more (what the hell can I do about other people?!) Also had a go at me for giving him the iPad too much. He never usually gets it when I'm with him but he had a couple of unusual outings this week where I gave him it to keep him focussed and reduce the chance of a meltdown. He gives him it every time he is alone with him because he can't cope with his behaviour, yet I'm supposed to apologise!

He treats ds like a burden and I am doing all the work, trying to pacify them both. I'm fucking exhausted and my mental health is really suffering but no-one cares.

newname2019 Wed 02-Jan-19 14:12:54

flowers that is tough. No real advice but you’re right to feel upset when your DP has double standards. Lack of sleep makes everything so much harder to deal with.

Is your DS in school? Will that make things a bit easier soon?

Viewoffriday Wed 02-Jan-19 21:29:16

That is super shit that DP can't see the hypocrisy there!

But I know that urge to blame something else or someone else when it's all horrendous. Doesn't make it right, but it is what some people do.

I used to get advice from a psychologist who urged me to consider melatonin. Have you tried it with your child? She said that you can buy it over the counter in the US and not to feel guilty or worried about it! Luckily, the worst of it was over by the time I had this conversation, but it sounds like you all need better sleep very badly.

Pockybot Thu 03-Jan-19 09:50:07

Try cerebra sleep service

Strix Thu 03-Jan-19 10:55:11

I second the melatonin recommendation. My ASD/ADHD son takes Circadin every night. It doesn't knock him out. But it helps feel a bit drowsy. And it helps him stay asleep. He was up more refreshed because he's had a better night sleep. We got it on prescription from our Child Psychiatrist at CAMHS. And, of course, if he sleeps, you might get to as well.

As for your DP, he's obviously not engaging in his intended role as partner or father. Sounds much like my soon to be x-husband.

timeforachangeithink Wed 09-Jan-19 13:39:19

Thanks everyone. We have tried melatonin but it actually made his sleep (and behaviour) worse.

At my suggestion we have put some strategies in place to help us both cope a bit better which seems to be helping. We have ordered a new bed for ds and are going to move him into the bigger bedroom so one of us can go in with him in comfort. I'm really hoping this will help us long term but will just have to wait and see how we go.

zzzzz Wed 09-Jan-19 13:49:40

How old is he? (Ds not dp grin)

timeforachangeithink Thu 10-Jan-19 13:29:39

He is 3.5.

zzzzz Thu 10-Jan-19 13:39:08

Swimming, and much more exercise.

timeforachangeithink Sat 12-Jan-19 22:37:01

He goes swimming at least once a week and is constantly on the go. We do lots of physical play with him and he never stops running/jumping/climbing. I don't know where he gets the energy but I wish he would give some to us!

zzzzz Sun 13-Jan-19 00:07:30

Sorry it’s not a cririsism it’s just what I find works for mine. If he is already taking a load of exercise then he might only need a little more. Do you find swimm8ng nights are easier or no impact? We swam 4 times a week at one point shock

timeforachangeithink Sun 13-Jan-19 07:15:43

He seems more tired after swimming but it actually doesn't have a huge impact on his sleep. I am really hoping a bugger bed will help.

Palaver1 Sun 13-Jan-19 17:22:18


timeforachangeithink Tue 15-Jan-19 09:12:00

Bigger bed. Not buggar bed! Melotonin made his sleep worse unfortunately.

April2020mom Tue 15-Jan-19 16:38:07

How is he doing now? Hopefully things will have improved.

timeforachangeithink Tue 15-Jan-19 22:53:39

DS is still sleeping poorly, even by his standards. I have dealt with the wake ups most days so do is less grumpy but I am shattered. He is on ds duty tonight so will see how that goes! New bed comes Friday but I need to get a new socket put in for a video monitor before we can leave him in the room. He has a tendency to try and eat wires so I'm going to either have to get one put in high up or in one of the cupboards. Nothing is ever simple.

zzzzz Tue 15-Jan-19 23:03:09

Warmer pjs?

More food?

timeforachangeithink Tue 15-Jan-19 23:29:04

If I give him any more food I swear at will explode! He has sensory issues and will eat constantly given the chance. He can't say many words but he can say hungry and will drag us to the kitchen to try and get more food, even if he has just eaten. He also has pica so tries to eat things he shouldn't like wires and books.

He sleeps in a sleepsuit and a bodysuit, so I don't think he is cold. He certainly never feels it. I wish he could communicate and tell me why he doesn't sleep.

zzzzz Tue 15-Jan-19 23:35:24

When was the last time he slept well?

timeforachangeithink Wed 16-Jan-19 07:03:11

He slept through for about 4 weeks from 9 to 13 weeks old. Does that count?

EggysMom Wed 16-Jan-19 07:12:42

It may not be giving him more food, but thinking about the kind of food he has. I'm not saying you're feeding him crap! But we started to give our son weetabix as a supper (6:30pm) as well as breakfast, it fills his belly and definitely keeps him going during the evening hours whilst he's fighting sleep.

In terms of us getting sleep as parents, we split the shifts. DH is a night owl, so attends to our son up to around 2am because DH is still awake until then. I am a lark, and take over from 2am onwards, I can cope with stupidly early waking. This way we both get 3-4 hours of good sleep (thank you earplugs) as well as the doze/wake time. But such an arrangement can only work if both parents are prepared to share the workload ....

zzzzz Wed 16-Jan-19 09:13:42

I think you need to let go of the idea that there is going to be one single solution and that “you’ve tried that and it didn’t work” and/or “nothing will work”. What’s more likely is that you will change a myriad of small things and they will add up to better sleep. If that doesn’t work then you will either learn to live with less sleep and the suboptimal life experience that leads to, or you will have to organise sleeping when someone else watches him.

timeforachangeithink Wed 16-Jan-19 16:23:16

I may try porridge at night for his evening snack.

I know one thing is unlikely to change his sleep completely. I'm just trying my best to make him as happy and comfortable as possible in the hope that it settles down.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: