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SNHE by choice or necessity support thread

(33 Posts)
zzzzz Sun 16-Dec-18 11:55:56

Does anyone fancy a support support thread to share the difficulties and joys of home educating children with additional needs? Threads on this board get deleted after 90 days which I think is helpful.

I HE ds1 who is 13 and has ASD/severe language disorder. We are still working at primary school level but this is in fact good given the severity of his disability and the upset caused by school. It’s hard to be so out of step both academically and with the school experience. That said I think we can make a success of it though it’s fairly exhausting (but then so was school grin. I have other children in school full time.

Deeedeeee Sun 16-Dec-18 16:23:40

Hi zzzzz do you mind me asking what went wrong at school that made you decide to HE? Was your DS at a special school?

zzzzz Sun 16-Dec-18 16:31:20

Yes SS, they didn’t appear to know he could read (suggested learns to sound out words in class at annual review as a target for the next year, he can read), maths dropped to very basic adding (he knew most of his tables), he was hit repeatedly (they felt that was the cohort he was in and said they couldn’t stop it shock), and he was terrified and miserable. The hitting was the main reason. It wasn’t being managed at all.sad

What stage is yours at? How did you end up in HE?

I’m still a bit bruised by it all. We really thought SS would help sad.

Redpine Sun 16-Dec-18 17:29:54

zzzz DeeeDeee <waves>

I am handing in my deregistering letter tomorrow. I am going to officially HE my year 7 DD, ASD Anxiety Disorder, phobias.

I have been unofficially HE since June (unable to attend mainstream school due to anxiety). We are housebound currently but there are tiny weeny signs of going out again. DD is HFA but has been rendered unable to read, write or focus due to MH breakdown (again tiny signs of recovery lately)

I also have LFA close family but tend not to post about them as they are not my children. Lots of adult ASD and MH in my family too. So that’s me grin

Did I mention I purchased a laminator? I probably did as I am disproportionately excited about it.

Deeedeee what went wrong for DD was constantly masking to a point where her MH crashed. Being ignored and emotionally bullied by other kids and generally just not having her needs met.

Deeedeeee Sun 16-Dec-18 17:45:31

Ooh laminator! I would be excited about that too.
My DS was at a mainstream primary school but in their SRB (autism specialism). They just could not engage him and his behaviour was terrible there (he's much better at home) lots of violent outbursts. He is HFA, too clever for his own good, lots of demand avoidance. We've been mostly at home since December last year because things had got unsafe at school (he'd run away from school and got lost, destroyed stuff, attacked teachers, they couldn't cope with him and so they'd just leave him outside in the yard- he'd climb the gates and run away!)

Redpine Sun 16-Dec-18 17:50:07

Does anyone pay for additional on-line resources? We use BBC Bitesize which I think is a terrific resource, but so far have not paid for anything.

Redpine Sun 16-Dec-18 17:53:05

DD spent best part of 2 months in a corridor alone. No checks on her nothing. I was so sad when I eventually found this out. Feeling bruised from the whole school experience is an apt description.

zzzzz Sun 16-Dec-18 17:58:30

Redpine she sounds like HE will be perfect for hersmile

Deeedeeee Sun 16-Dec-18 18:35:35

Redpine we use bbc bitesize and skillswise, also found www.math-salamanders.com to be useful, loads of free worksheets. Been watching TED talks with him!

Deeedeeee Sun 16-Dec-18 18:37:54

The whole school thing can be so damaging. I'm in two minds about it all at the moment. Still hoping that a proper special school will suit him, but the thought of trying and failing again is horrendous.

Deeedeeee Sun 16-Dec-18 18:41:36

...although math salamanders is just primary stuff I think. My DS is 11, year 6, working more at year 5 level in maths

Redpine Sun 16-Dec-18 21:34:02

zzzzz I think you are right HE lets DD go off on tangents and cuts out all the sensory overload.

Map reading is a joy at the moment! Learning what the symbols mean and finding them on a map.

Something that also works for us is art. Personifying the periodic table. Draw what Oxygen would look like as a human/animal DD draws and I sit and spout facts about Oxygen.

Redpine Sun 16-Dec-18 21:46:03

zzzz has your DS got closure on the trauma of school? My DD struggles to let the bad experience go.

Deeedee how about your DS is he willing to try school again?

zzzzz Sun 16-Dec-18 22:05:09

He’s in a better place Redpine. He trusts me and I’ve promised him he doesn’t have to do that again.

Deeedeeee Mon 17-Dec-18 10:04:21

DS loves maps and drawing too. He draws maps of imaginary islands for hours and labels them with made up place names. We often use maps to start off a project, and he will read any book if its got a map at the beginning! Any recommendations for stories to read? He reads so fast that I can't keep up with demand and always on the lookout for more books.
I'm in two minds about school. He hated his old school so is very scared of schools and very anti-teacher. Buy he misses being with friends and being part of a school community. He gets jealous of his little sister because she loves school and has more of a social life from school events. I do feel he is not benefiting from being with me so much

Redpine Mon 17-Dec-18 10:50:42

Deeedeee what books has DS read recently that he enjoyed? Is he in any clubs for socialising?

Flags are another good opener for lots of geography topics for DD. She will draw and colour a flag and I waffle on about that country (bit of a theme me waffling grin). DD listens and learns much better when drawing.

Oh! Here is a favourite - weather - those tv series on extream weather led to a lot of discussion and a book on weather conditions. Again lots of symbols to use, which DD seems to enjoy.

Deeedeeee Mon 17-Dec-18 16:54:51

Redpine isn't it amazing how much info they can take in whilst doing another activity? I waffle facts at him and if he finds it interesting he remembers it. Yep he likes flags too, and symbols, any sort of categorisation system or encyclopedia.

I'm struggling to find social/activity groups that he would be interested in where we live. There are music and dance groups we could try but he hates music and it makes him freeze up! There are local social groups for Kids with disabilities but they are not always appropriate for HFA I've found. Other groups in our county are too far to get to and we've no transport. confused

He refuses to write at all, he refuses to do anything some days. But he will read anything. Currently reading Lord of the rings, on the last book. He loves the Percy Jackson books too because he's fascinated by the Greek myths.

strugglingatwork Mon 17-Dec-18 21:39:12

We're in a similar boat. Currently HE by default as ds8 (HFA and profoundly gifted) is just not attending school. He was being kept in isolation for weeks and would regularly meltdown violently, damage property and run away. This is at the most SEN friendly school in our area so I've completely lost confidence in the school system.

HE for us is ok. Not great but better than bad school. Ds doesn't really want to learn much or do much but he's years ahead of his age so not too worried about that but he's very social and wants friends and the school experience (he loved school up to age 7 and was involved in everything). There's some HE groups and activities round us but they are quite poorly attended and very few people like ds in terms of age and interests. He's lonelier now and anxiety is better.

I'm so sad for him that school has fallen apart. I can't see him at home for the next 10 years, it just isn't right for him but there's nowhere else for him to go. Breaks my heart.

Deeedeeee Mon 17-Dec-18 21:56:20

We have a new special school near us just for HFA kids. It's been open a year. We have applied 8 times so far! It's my last hope, if we can get him in. Otherwise we'll be HE (and do it properly rather than "just for now")
I'm so worried about how far behind he is, in every area except reading. And he is lonely. I feel guilty constantly about our situation.

zzzzz Mon 17-Dec-18 22:04:52

HE groups take time to help, or have for us. We don’t manage so well with the sort of meet in a hut style ones, but the activies are great. When ds is healthy we do something 3/4 days a week.

strugglingatwork Mon 17-Dec-18 22:21:36

Are your HE groups well attended? Everything we've been to seems to have about 3 people turn up and are at constant risk of closure due to lack of numbers. There are tons of HE kids in our county (based on the fb pages) but none of them seem to go out to do anything which tells me they are most likely the highly anxious/school refusing/ASD type children who are being so poorly supported by our lea. We don't have ASD schools or units in most of our county.

zzzzz Mon 17-Dec-18 23:26:31

What have you tried? What sort of things does your ds like doing?

Redpine Mon 17-Dec-18 23:47:47

struggling your DS is young HE may or may not be forever but it sounds a lot better than bad school. Does he have a special interest?

zzzzz Tue 18-Dec-18 01:24:48

I’d say keep trying with the HE groups. You need to find what works for you.

strugglingatwork Tue 18-Dec-18 06:49:06

He doesn't have any special interests no. We've tried 3 different HE groups within a 20 mile radius and each had a very, very small number of children attending over the few weeks we tried. 1 has since closed. We've tried 4 different HE sports clubs as he likes sports and again 1 has shut down due to lack of numbers and 2 have very few people attending and are at threat of stopping. 1 is still going strong so that's the only thing we do each week with other people. I'm constantly scouring the internet for activities and groups but it doesn't seem to be a thing round here. Ds is already saying he's bored and wants to be around other people and it's only been 3 months. I just can't see this working but neither does school. No idea what to do really.

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