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Self care for carers

(5 Posts)
Giraffeelephantgrape Sun 16-Dec-18 07:09:05


I was wondering if anyone could share tips on how to self care.

I have three children. My son aged 8 has Autism, sensory issues, extreme behaviour and requires a lot of personal care and constant supervision. My daughter aged 6 has learning disability, sensory issues, possible Autism but no diagnosis yet and also requires lots of personal care. My 11 year old son is struggling with his siblings behaviour/needs and is testing boundaries and I think feeling quite isolated and resentful.
My husband and I work full time and we have all recently had a bereavement in the family.

All my energy is put into the children and I completely neglect myself. I seem to catch every bug going and at the moment I am getting ill every 2 weeks. I’m not even well once I’ve recovered, I’m absolutely bone achingly tired. My husband does not seem to have this problem. He is tired but doesn’t seem to reach the point where he gets so ill he can’t get out of bed. I am not depressed but worry so much about the children.

I have support from my in-laws but as they already do so much for us (after school care three times a week) I can’t ask more of them so we don’t have time to recuperate. I literally don’t have a life, if I’m not working then I am caring for the children. 100% I understand that’s my job as a parent but I just want to make sure I am looking after myself so I can be the best for my children.

Any advice would be great

livpotter Sun 16-Dec-18 09:19:13

That sounds very difficult for you. Is there a chance you could go to the doctors for a blood test? When I was getting ill the whole time it turned out that my vitamin D levels were pretty much non existent. They gave me a very large dose and I now take it daily. It has helped a lot.

I have only have one child with SN but I also have a younger daughter. I made a decision for my mental health to reduce the amount of work I took on (I'm freelance). I just found trying to do childcare plus meetings was too much with the added pressure of work.

The other thing we have done which makes life a a lot easier for me is that my DH gives me a whole day off on the weekend. So I can go and do anything I like. I felt really guilty at he beginning but now it's my joy at the end of the week. Even if you could just have a couple of hours off at the weekend to go and do something solely for you, like see an movie or get your hair done or go for or walk it might help to get a bit more of your sense of self back.

It so important to look after yourself but I know how hard it as when you know you have people relying on you.

I hope things get better for you thanks

Lesley25 Sun 16-Dec-18 09:58:08

I understand this too.
What I would say is go back to your doctors and explain- I think you need a week of antibiotics. It helped me enormously when I felt like I was constantly ill. Turned out I had a bug that did need clearing up with antibiotics which my doc couldn’t test for just assumed. The antibiotics made me feel a million times better. I was annoyed I’d carried on for months without thinking of going back to the docs.

eatyourveg Sun 16-Dec-18 19:37:56

Have you had a carers assessmnet? They can sometimes be really useful eg in my authority a carers care plan can include domestic help ie someone to help clean, iron or something else, or it could include regular massage sessions to relieve tension or it could be a one off payment for a weekend away with a partner. I would imagine each local authority differs but definitely worth investigating.

Also consider carers first if they operate in your area or carers trust. There is help out there but it is not always very easy to source and access.

Giraffeelephantgrape Fri 28-Dec-18 17:02:55

Thank you for the replies. Yes I think asking for a blood test would be a good idea. I have been vitamin D deficient previously.
I am unable to drop any hours at work at the moment but I have a supportive team around me and really good managers which helps.

I have had bronchitis in the past and needed lots of doses of antibiotics and steroids which helped. I think I might need a course again as I cannot shift this infection.

I haven’t had a carers assessment but I am registered with the carers centre. Think I will request an assessment in the new year.

We are also going to contact social services for an assessment but am not hopeful as we are likely to not meet criteria.

Thank you for replies

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