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Reasonable adjustment or am i asking to much.

(15 Posts)
Harleyisme Tue 11-Dec-18 17:32:46

Ds is 5 in reception. Has no diagnosis he is awaiting panel for ASD.

This week at school as already been a difficult week. They aren't doing anything they normally do its nativity week. Ds is struggling with the changes and the lack of preparation and hes done 2 nativity preformances and hes struggle with taht too. Today i went to watch and he was constantly giving me the thumbs up then thumbs down. I asked his teacher if she could run though changes for days the day before and let him now why and what will happen. She said i do everyday if theres a change i tell them its a funny day but ds needs to know what the changes are and why. Also at pick up time ds told the teacher he didn't feel he could do another performance that he was finding it to hard. She said you have too like i have too. Is it really too much to ask for him to have proper preparation and to be able to sit the last performance out?

Sirzy Tue 11-Dec-18 19:02:20

Can he sit with you for the last performance maybe?

It’s a horrible term in school because of all the change. I think in the mornings someone going through the day with him may be more realistic than the night before but it’s cettainly not a big ask to ask for it to be gone through - a “not sure” or “change” card in there may be helpful to as sometimes unexpected things will come up

HexagonalBattenburg Tue 11-Dec-18 19:07:27

There are kids in my eldest's class who hate doing performances - they're given the option to do them or sit with a TA at the side "helping" with prompts etc depending on how they feel (and given a not-vital part). We also get a fairly detailed planner of what's going on in school for the entire December month to help us all know if we're coming or going really - but it comes in handy for preparing children who struggle with changes to routine as well, and then staff make a point of going through the day's events with the children at the start of each morning as well.

That's all stuff that happens as a matter of routine throughout the school - so no you're not asking for anything unreasonable at all really. Even my "NT" (she has some ASD traits but nothing that would warrant a formal diagnosis) DD1 struggles with how upside down things get this time of year and is bouncing off the blooming walls with her behaviour - let alone any children with difficulties!

Branleuse Tue 11-Dec-18 19:09:50

If He's struggling then i would take him out the rest of the term.
This part of the Xmas term can be so stressful for our little aspies

Harleyisme Tue 11-Dec-18 19:20:03

Thanks everyone going to discuss with dh about him not going in rest of term.
I wish they would allow him to just sit to the side or sit with me but they wont.
Apparently the teacher tells them its a funny day to explain changes or an unusual one but from what she said she doesn't go though what the day is going to be she just tells them its different and adds in the words fun and exciting.

BlackeyedGruesome Tue 11-Dec-18 19:27:29

You could always tell them he is not in as they are not able to meet his needs regarding timetable changes and support for performances.

Sirzy Tue 11-Dec-18 19:33:21

Can you get hold of the senco tomorrow to discuss things?

MrsFrisbyMouse Tue 11-Dec-18 19:33:37

I always found that although mainstream school days are very obvioulsy timetabled quite strictly each day - their ability to communicate that timetable to the children was non existant. It would be one of my top quick win minimal/no cost adjustments schools could do to make life easier for all kids (but particularly those with special needs) 5 minutes at the start of the day where they write the days timetable on a flip chart!!

Harleyisme Tue 11-Dec-18 19:56:43

I agree mrsfrisbymouse it would make alot more childrens lifes easier to have an idea of what will be done that day.

The senco is always to busy it takes me 2 to 3 weeks to get any response back from her and last time i spoke to her about his peaditrcian wanting her to make a referal to OT she spent a good 10 minutes telling me that shes busy doesnt have time for everything that she has a class to teach and 92 sen children on roll not just mine.

anniehm Tue 11-Dec-18 20:53:31

Dd found Christmas hard but actually having to cope with change, however stressful s good for them I realised because life doesn't get easier. She has her moments of not coping even now (she has an asd advisor at university and a drop in facility to use) but I truly believe making her do "normal" things however hard at the time has made her better able to cope as an adult (obviously higher functioning asd this applies to, but they have a couple of non verbal asd young people here at university, they like my dd live at home and commute).

Harleyisme Tue 11-Dec-18 21:36:49

I think it depends on the child. I habe a 14 year old with ASD adhd and anxiety nobody ever listened though out his school life about reasonable ajustments like this and hes now having a breakdown as he can't simply cope with it all anymore. We all work differntly even with ASD some are stronger than others. My 5 year old is very anxious othet things you wouldn't expect like what happens if i never want to get married or if i have girls and boys as children not just boys.

OneInEight Wed 12-Dec-18 06:36:50

It always used to frustrate me that the school did not have 5 minutes in the morning for one staff member to go through any timetable changes with my ds's but could then spare four members of staff to deal with resultant meltdown when it did not happen. And what the heck does "funny" day mean to a child with suspected ASC - are there going to be clowns coming in or something?

My two can cope with change. What they can't cope with is uncertainty and unplanned change when it exceeds a certain point. Actually, ds2 can cope with one unplanned change it's when it gets changed again or reverts to the original plan he goes ballistic.

I disagree that no adjustments should be made because they will have to encounter stress as adults because I have ended up with one in special school and one home educated when they lost the ability to cope in mainstream at age ten.

Harleyisme Wed 12-Dec-18 08:33:26

Thing that fustrates me the most is they say they have a teacher avaiable to talj to ds and help him with his issues but everytime ds tries to speak to them they don't listen and give him a its tough attitude. Ds has been having pain and issues for a couple of years which we have been trying to get to the bottom of. Last week he was upset as he didn't want to do pe and told them it was because his heart beats to fast when he runs and makes him feel funny. The 2 teachers he told said ds you have to do it that his beating was good. Then refused to discuss it anymore. I dont see why they couldn't take a more positive stand point like your such a big brave boy i know you can do it. They always come at him when he express his issues with the you have no choice which makes ds even more anxious.

Ellie56 Thu 13-Dec-18 16:02:54

Your DS has a disability and is covered by the Equality Act 2010. He is entitled to have reasonable adjustments made for him. Schools have a legal duty to make reasonable adjustments. Not making reasonable adjustments is classed as disability discrimination.

I would be having words with the HT reminding him/her of the school's legal duties, and if things didn't change I would be seriously considering whether this school is right for your son.

zzzzz Thu 13-Dec-18 18:47:09

I’d just get a strategic cold and give him a quiet day to regroup.

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