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I cried in Waitrose this morning and need a self-indulgent moment

(146 Posts)
PolterGoose Thu 03-Oct-13 11:24:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StarlightMcKenzie Thu 03-Oct-13 11:31:45

I know what I need to do, I need to get shirty with school yet again

Yes. This requires 150% of your effort and 2% of the school's effort, though they will spend another 10% whinging about you and 20% arguing back.

It's so bloody unfair and exhausting.

StarlightMcKenzie Thu 03-Oct-13 11:33:59

Why should he know what is wrong? He has a disability that means he is dependent on professional expertise (including parental expertise), which he has had, which concluded in recommendations WHICH THE SCHOOL SHOULD BE FOLLOWING.

His fine-ness or otherwise is not for the school to decided and justify withdrawal of essential provision.

I'm fuming for you, though you know this is not your experience alone right?

StarlightMcKenzie Thu 03-Oct-13 11:34:12


Chopstheduck Thu 03-Oct-13 11:35:00

been there, done that sad

Can you get his OT to go in and pile some pressure on them? Our school would never listen to me, but they had to listen to his OT.

hazeyjane Thu 03-Oct-13 11:39:37

I am so sorry i have no advice for you at all, as i have no real experience of school and this stage.

But did want to send lots of honks and say that I am well know in our local Waitrose for bursting into tears flowers for you.

TOWIELA Thu 03-Oct-13 11:42:02

Honks and thanks for you Poulter.

PolterGoose Thu 03-Oct-13 11:50:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OneInEight Thu 03-Oct-13 11:55:10

Up to a couple of years ago I never cried in public - have more than made up for it since - so you are not alone in the weeping department. I know your school has been better than a lot in providing support for your son but I do think it might be helpful to formalise this by requesting a statement so that they can not take the support away and do implement the sensory stuff. All the more so because the transition to secondary is looming. In the meantime honks and thanks and wine and cake.

Firsttimer7259 Thu 03-Oct-13 11:55:28

thanks i hate that wrangling with everyone is what we have to do on top of everything else.

StarlightMcKenzie Thu 03-Oct-13 12:01:52

Can you start the transition process next term?

Year 6 it is common for the primaries to give up on the difficult kids.

SummerRain Thu 03-Oct-13 12:02:02

[hugs] and [honks] Polter.

This might sound odd but have you described a meltdown to his teacher? I told ds1's teacher, in graphic detail including showing her my scars, what happens when he loses it. I probably frightened the poor woman half to death but I needed her to understand exactly what we deal with. He's totally fine all day at school but as your dp so aptly pointed out it's like a grenade going off at home. So I needed her to know what the sweet, cheerful boy she knows from class is capable of if there are problems. She and I both got a bit tearful but it has worked in the sense that she understands that her actions in class might appear to go unnoticed but they have massive consequences at home.

I think sometimes when we say 'He has a meltdown at home' the school hear 'He has a tantrum' because the reality of a child having a full blown violent meltdown is just so alien to most people their minds can't make that jump.

NoHaudinMaWheest Thu 03-Oct-13 12:07:34

Honks Polter.
Sorry it is yet another battle. I think it is worse when you feel it is sorted and then it turns out it isn't.

I think you have done some sterling work on getting your Ds to try to identify his difficulties. He sounds better at it than my much older Ds but it is going to be difficult for him as that is so intrinsic to his diagnosis,( and I know I'm teaching 'grandmother' to suck eggs here).
I also get the 'I'm fine' because it isn't immediately an awful problem but I know he isn't.

PolterGoose Thu 03-Oct-13 12:10:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sunnyweatherplease Thu 03-Oct-13 12:16:47

I have just cried in front of the SENCO at school (who says there are no real problems with dd). Have cancelled work now because I am too teary.
flowers brew

I have only just come over to this SN board having presumed/being told it is all down to parenting techniques. Dh and I are just becoming open to the idea that maybe, just maybe it's not like that, and dd behaviour is not 'normal'.

StarlightMcKenzie Thu 03-Oct-13 12:18:20

I know you're not worried about secondary transition, I just wondered if you could engineer him spending more time there, than the current school before he actually starts!?

PolterGoose Thu 03-Oct-13 12:18:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StarlightMcKenzie Thu 03-Oct-13 12:20:09

Parental induced disability is the cheapest and therefore preferred diagnosis sunny, it is also so easily dished out because it is also the parents preferred diagnosis (of course, wouldn't we all prefer that it was our fault then we could do something about it!?).

Welcome to MNSN smile

PolterGoose Thu 03-Oct-13 12:27:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

twainiac Thu 03-Oct-13 12:37:39

I'm sorry, I have no words of wisdom, but just wanted to give you a (hug).
Your advice to others on here, myself included, is amazing - and I'm so sorry you and DS are going through this.

PolterGoose Thu 03-Oct-13 12:40:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

moldingsunbeams Thu 03-Oct-13 12:50:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LilTreacle Thu 03-Oct-13 13:08:03

Who hasn't cried in Waitrose?? I though that was the norm??

Honk Honk Polter

You already know what to advise us all daily so well....just let it all out , gather yourself up and put your shoulder into it.grin

sunnyweatherplease Thu 03-Oct-13 13:08:55

I am crying again now! You are all so nice and friendly!!!!!

I showed SENCO a picture of the devastation left behind after a meltdown, and described the violence, but she came out with "do you have a bed-time routine?" and later "creative type families often are a bit spontaneous and dis-organised."

Sorry PolterGoose am offering you no help at all. Am happy to share the tissues though.

StarlightMcKenzie Thu 03-Oct-13 13:10:40

'I showed SENCO a picture of the devastation left behind after a meltdown, and described the violence, but she came out with "do you have a bed-time routine?" and later "creative type families often are a bit spontaneous and dis-organised."'

Yes, and incompetent SENCOs are often a bit patronising.

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