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Dinosaur and DS1 would like to come back if you'll have us - please?

(59 Posts)
dinosaur Sun 31-Jul-05 13:12:47

Had DS1 and DS2's joint birthday party yesterday and let's just say it was a bit of a wake-up call for me.

For a while I had convinced myself that he didn't have "special" needs because he's very "high-functioning". But seeing the state he got into yesterday has made me realise that he does have "special needs" because for him there won't be any escape from mainstream - unless we were to home-ed - and he is clearly going to find it harder and harder going.

I don't really want to go into details atm as it is all a bit raw and I feel a bit weepy about it. Let's just say that over the last few weeks I've seen a DS1 re-emerge who I thought we had left behind quite some time ago, and the party was the culmination of that.

So can we come back, please?

coppertop Sun 31-Jul-05 13:14:37

Of course you can come back!

<dusts off dinosaur's old chair>

Sorry the party didn't go so well.

Davros Sun 31-Jul-05 13:23:27

Of course Dino, we've missed you! So sorry to hear that things didn't go well. Tell us when you're ready, erm [[hugs]]!!!

coppertop Sun 31-Jul-05 13:33:10

<faints at the sight of Davros administering hugs>

dinosaur Sun 31-Jul-05 13:36:32

Thank you, all - and Davros - mwah! mwah!

Fio2 Sun 31-Jul-05 15:06:35

oh dinosaur, its the kiss of death saying you arent going to post on here anymore. i said that was it I would never post about dd on here too and still went back to posting on here! Its a release. Hope you come back and tell us all whats happened {{hugs}}

psssssst and coppertopo is up the duff you know!

Blossomhill Sun 31-Jul-05 16:22:06

Dinosaur - really missed you, especially at the meet up.

I feel that my dd sounds similar to your ds. Sometimes I feel like she is fine and then other times (like right now) she is on different planet.

It's such a rollercoaster isn't it

Hugs to you as I know it is so hard at times isn't it {{{{{xxxxx}}}}}

maddiemo Sun 31-Jul-05 20:30:32

Sorry that you are feeling sad following the boys party. It is hard when you have a good run and then a bad patch especially if you felt ds had gone beyond that.

Jimjams Sun 31-Jul-05 20:38:54

sorry to see you back dino. Always several steps forward then a few back. We thought xmas this year was going to be great as ds1 had finally got the idea of presents. It wasn't, it was a disaster and I ended up in hospital with a blood pressure of 170/120 ha ha. (This year we're doing xmas for the other 2 and letting ds1 do waht he wants when he wants!)

Sorry to see you back though, but of course you're welcome.

PeachyClair Sun 31-Jul-05 20:54:51

You poor soul. TBH I constantly convince myself Sam is Ok- no AS. Bored, bullied, my fault- anything but AS. But it always come back to it just I am about to believe myself.

hard though. Good luck

spursmum Sun 31-Jul-05 21:09:48

I thought I was swinging from acceptance to denial because my ds' diagnosis was quite recent. Its nice to know that I'm being "normal"

Thomcat Sun 31-Jul-05 21:29:48

Oh Dinosaur, sorry you had a wake up call and sorry you feel teary. Big love to you right now. I've had a few wake up calls of late myself, not nice are they babes. Spk soon aye, TC xx

Blu Sun 31-Jul-05 21:42:53

Oh Dino, so sorry you have hit a 'raw' moment.

I think parties bring our the rawest of the raw.

Give the Ds's a big hug from me, and thgen lets find a date for that drink.


Thomcat Sun 31-Jul-05 21:45:10

I agree with Blu re parties.

dinosaur Mon 01-Aug-05 09:46:46

Awwwww - you're all too kind and making me feel weepy again now !

Blu - yes you're right about parties.

Thomcat - thank you! Yes, speak soon.

spursmum - I think it's very "normal". And because my DS1 has done so well in so many respects, I think I've fallen into a trap of expecting more of him than he really can give. And that makes me feel with myself.

PeachyClair - it is hard, isn't it? I do so agree.

maddiemo - yes, I have to remind myself that I've dealt with lots of bad patches before. Just got to get that tin helmet out again, I guess.

Blossomhill - I agree, and I always read what you say about your dd with great interest. And you're very sweet to say I was missed at the meet-up! I'll certainly be there at the next one.

Fio2 - I suppose I did sub-consciously think that by unilaterally declaring DS1 not to have "special needs" any more, I was only storing up trouble for myself. Thing is, I think I started comparing DS1 with children who have more pronounced/severe/obvious "special needs" - and thinking that I was being a whinger for thinking that he had special needs, because really life with him is a doddle in comparison with what most of you deal with. BUT I have realised that the comparison is wrong - I should be comparing him with "normal" nt children - who are able to cope with cakes with candles on and having "Happy Birthday" sung to them. Because, quite apart from anythng else, that is the yardstick by which his peers will judge him.

Jimjams - thanks - you are right, it doesn't mean at all that he hasn't made any progress - it just means that there isn't any room for complacency. Won't get fooled again, and all that.

Davros - yes - at Coppertop's news - I posted on the congrats thread!

And coppertop - thanks for the dust-free chair!

Kayleigh Mon 01-Aug-05 09:50:59

Dino, really sorry to hear the party didn't go well and things aren't as good as you hoped for ds1. XxX

dinosaur Mon 01-Aug-05 09:53:22

Thanks Kayleigh. In many ways the party did go well - I think that just about all of the guests, and my DS2 and DS3, had a whale of a time. But it was hard in so many ways for poor old DS1.

It was also a bit "mind the gap". I hadn't realised that DS2 is so bloody popular! Kids were kind of queueing round the block to give DS2 his present in person, iyswim, whereas no-one really wanted to seek out DS1 to give him his presents unless they were more or less compelled to by their parents.

heartinthecountry Mon 01-Aug-05 09:55:47

As if you have to ask to come back dino . Lovely to see you.

Parties - hmm, think I am going to try and avoid having parties for dd for as long as I can.

dinosaur Mon 01-Aug-05 09:58:02

HITC - well, I just missed you guys too much anyway. This is the only clique on mumsnet worth being in .

Kayleigh Mon 01-Aug-05 09:59:32

Oi !!! Don't forget I'm reading this

Twiglett Mon 01-Aug-05 10:00:35

did you go away then dino?

ScummyMummy Mon 01-Aug-05 10:00:35

That's always very hard, isn't it, dino? I always feel very raw when it feels like one of my boys is a lot more popular that the other. I agree with everyone that birthday parties are mega stressful occasions at the best of times. I always ended up in floods of tears after mine for no apparent reason. Sorry you're worried about your boy.

dinosaur Mon 01-Aug-05 10:01:08


Actually it's more like the Hotel California - you can check out but you can never leave...

(and no, I'm not an Eagles fan - that line's just always stuck in my head)

Twiglett Mon 01-Aug-05 10:01:51

<weedy guitar riff>

dinosaur Mon 01-Aug-05 10:02:32

Twig - I sort of officially left the SN boards for a while earlier this year because DS1 seemed to be doing so well and I started to feel like I was masquerading a bit by posting on Special Needs when, as I said below, so many posters on here have it so much harder than me.

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