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just a rant

(12 Posts)
Fio2 Mon 25-Jul-05 17:37:53

have had to put up with my mother for three days and she thinks she has helped me. She has infact drove me mad. She had the nerve the tell me how nice it felt that she had helped me this weekend. The help was a half an hour walk to the spar shop with the children to fetch herself some food

honestly I am pulling my hair out. i feel like the thread the other week that i am completely negative about everything to try and get her to understand. She just treats her whole visit like a holiday and tries and suceeds most the time to cause trouble between me and my husband.

She wont babysit, she has to go out herself on the razzle when she is here. We have to all go out for meals together and i have to run around after the kids and be strict with themn as otherwise she says people are looking at us. DD has actually been good this weekend and so has ds, but she says they are 'no trouble' she has even been telling people who I know well that dd is 'ok' and 'is coming on well'. i said to her, why are you telling people she is coming on fine when she has significant delays and problems?

i think today was an eyeopener as we dropped dd off at the SN playgroup. She insisted on coming with me and I thought ok, but it is overwhelming (anyone will know who's child goes to an SN school) She looked a bit horrified, well not horrified but shocked. then when we left, bearing in mind I felt a bit uneasy l;eaving dd as she is so young and its a new thing. She said some of those children are 'scarey' I said look mum they go to her school, she isnt bothered and dd will be like that i know she is little now but she is going to grow into one of those children

It really took it out of me. i got home with her and started ranting about how dd will never leave home and tbh i feel like going into the back yard and screaming

apart from that she wont babysiy at all, she stays in our house and knowing all the problems we are having is it too much trouble to ask her to sitbfor a few hours 'early on in the evening' so we can go out as a couple? Last time she was here she offered to babysit and didnt appear until 10pm, we eneded up arguing and i am just so fed up if it

Everytime i approach her about it, she says I know I had it with your sister, difference was she got lots and lots of family help. I dont think she even realises how little help she gives me.

She constantly moans about my dad, who hatres my guts and i am just feeling really resentful about everything

effin bloody b**llox

Blu Mon 25-Jul-05 17:46:10

effin bl*y bollox indeed!
I'm not surprised you are fed up, she sounds impossible, and apart from her inablity / unwillingness to do anythiung of real help, her reaction to dd's shool must be emotionally devastating for you.

Don't know what to say. Do you just need to rant and wash her out of your system and have a glass of wine and be glad she's gone again - or do you want to put some planning into making sure it doesn't happen quite like that again?

JimJams made some fantastic heasdway with her IL's didn't she?

Er, Fio, could I just interrupt your rant for a second? Now that we HAVE the purple shoes, and DS is terribly proud of them but has scuffed them horribly, where do I buy purple shoe polish?

Fio2 Mon 25-Jul-05 17:52:11

I bought some from an independant shoe shop in Uttoxeter although now i live nowhere near there. i think i have seen some in town. i will have a look if you like tommorrow morning

i just need a rant. She is just sooo selfish. She has had a hard life and i do love her really, but it is so draining

Blu Mon 25-Jul-05 19:14:06

Bless you, Fio, because I never visit shoe shops with DS, I never see what polish is on offer in independent shoe shops! I'll have a look.

And yes, your mother sounds SO draining.

Bet it did her the power of good though, to have a fine time visiting you and feeling as if she has been such a help - Give Yourself a Shiny, as they say in that children's programme with rather moth-eared puppets!

Jimjams Mon 25-Jul-05 19:15:20

Rant away fio. It's not helpful if she thinks she knows it all from your sister as being ill is different from having developmental problems. I guess she doesn't realise that (it took my il's a long time to realise how different the pressures are for developmental problems vs normally developing- although they were able to grasp straight away the sorts of problems my SIL has when she became diabetic). Can you make her understand the differences - and also that she had lots of help. Maybe the sort of help she needed and the problems your sister had were more obvious.

I would be ranting as well. Would being really blunt help? That's what dh did in the end- and it did work (to my surprise)

motherinferior Mon 25-Jul-05 19:36:22

Fio, the only concrete help I can be is offer the services of my mate in Uttoxeter to buy your next lot of shoe polish. Seriously.

Sodding mother.

monica2 Mon 25-Jul-05 20:16:42

Fio2 this could be my mother you are describing. Don't have any advice as I am still struggling with this one myself, my mum comes to be entertained and to "have a nice time". Has babysat a handful times in 10 years. Watches me run around making meals for kids and separate one for her and shouts for me to pass her the tweezers so she can sit a pluck her eyebrows!!! Moans if we put t.v. on in evening so she can moan endlessly about my Dad. She constantly says how difficult and hard it must be looking after dd but never really offers any support. Often doesn't get up til I am back from hectic morning/school run routine and reads paper when kids get home from school!!!

coppertop Mon 25-Jul-05 20:37:16

It sounds like 3 days of hell. Rant away. If it were me I think I'd probably be throwing things by now. Sorry you've had such a sh*tty time of it, Fio.

heartinthecountry Mon 25-Jul-05 21:54:59

Shit Fio - sounds like bloody hard work. So sorry - i know you thought it might be like that but were hoping she would be some help.

Maybe I could come and babysit for you one day .

eidsvold Tue 26-Jul-05 07:28:15

rant rant away.... seems like some parents just don't get it. Perhaps you should have gone into the garden adn started screaming - do you think it would have shocked her enough to get her to see sense?!?! JJ's idea about being very blunt with her might work. Simply tell her what she needs to do ie - dh and I are going out. Or tell her - if she can't be a help rather than a drain then next time she comes to visit she will need to organise alternative arrangement like a b n b or something.

If it is any consolation - mine is somewhat draining but not as draining as yours seems to be. What a shame it has been such a painful time......

Love my mum but she drives me nuts too.. she lives less than 20 minutes away and has never babysat the children for us so we could go out as a couple.

Have a nice big wine - australian of course and try to ignore her...easier said than done.

Fio2 Tue 26-Jul-05 09:50:19

I am starting to dread this holiday, yesterday dh announced he is going out to India for 2 weeks as from saturday

argh

I have tried being blunt, have tried saying you do x, y and z. nothing works. She genuinely feels as though she is helping me! I am just living on another planet to her

and MI, thanks and HITC!

Fio2 Tue 26-Jul-05 09:51:42

oh and it was my MIL that offered to help but SIL, as usual has played her face about her coming down. i give up, honestly. they are all crapheads

well at least i have got it off my chest

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