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I understand his thinking but cant work out how to deal with it....any ideas?

(14 Posts)
jayzmummy Fri 22-Jul-05 14:39:46

J has developed a rather bizzarre obssesion....he is in love with his bedroom door!!

I kid you not, he keeps kissing his door and talking to it as if it was another person. Last night he was feeding his door a salad sandwich!

Its getting pretty worrying now because over the last week all he has talked about his his door. I have to sit and look at the door with him and all he talks about is how beautiful it is. Its nothing special just a wooden door!!!!

Now the big problem....

We have had our offer accepted on another property. Much larger and safer garden. More room for all of us.

Today the estate agent came round to measure up our house as we may have to put it on the open market as our prospective buyer is messing us about.

J was not at all happy about a starnger coming in to our home so DH took him out to walk the dog but when they returned he had a major meltdown because the estate agent needed to measure up his bedroom. J stomped upstairs and dragged his bed across the bedroom and wedged it against the door...noone was going into his room!

Finally we managed to get in there and calm him down...I had to get the step ladders out and climb in through the bedroom window!!!

J is really worried because he wants to take his bedroom door with him when we move. He loves his bedroom door. Its his bedroom door....noone elses.
How will he know which is his bedroom if he has a different door?

I understand his thinking and can recognise his fears but how on earth do I deal with this? We can hardly remove the door can we?

J is getting really stressed at the thought of leaving his door behind. Who will love it? He likes the new house and has chosen his new room which he likes, but would like it even more if he can take his door with him.

He is sat upstairs in his room holding the door. DH is with him and all J keeps saying is "my door is my door".

Its really upsetting watching him be so upset and even more distressing that DH and I dont know how to work out a solution for fixing this problem.

Has anyone else had problems with their children becoming obsessed with inanimate objects that are a permanent fixture? If so how on earth have you dealt with it?

I can handle obsesions with pencil sharpeners and toilet rolls but this door is proving to be rather tricky!

jayzmummy Fri 22-Jul-05 14:40:56 mention of "wee man" or "little man" in my post...just for you

Jimjams Fri 22-Jul-05 14:45:00

TBH I would consider taking the door with me (just make it clear to any purchaser that a different door would be there).

Then again I might not because I might put this under the heading of real life = doors being left behnid so tough. I have found that when ds1 has anxieties around inaminate objects (stairs were a big one, and we';ve had doors on and off) that they tend to disappear very quickly. ds1 isn't able to express himself as clearly though so its maybe easier for me to ignore a specific anxiety.

Soooo dunno- the worry I would have abut taking thedoor with me would be the freakout if it didn't fit the new bedroom.

Can you put somrthing ON the door that gets transported- some sort of sign or something? Somethihg that signals "this is J's room"

jayzmummy Fri 22-Jul-05 14:54:35

The door wont fit in the new house....this house is an old cottage so the door is a weird size.
I tried the name plaque last night but he wouldnt let me blu tack it to the door.

DH has managed to t him to go out into the garden but he is still "door talking".

Im sure that the door obsession is his way of expressing his fear and anxiety about the house move. New house, new smells, new everything....thats a lot for him to take on board.

Part of me wants to say "FGS get over it...its only a bloody door" but that door is the entrance to J's own personal world....his bedroom is his sanctuary, so to him its really important.

If this carries on for much longer I think I will go mad!!!

MandM Fri 22-Jul-05 15:07:44

JM - would taking a photograph of the door to go in Js new bedroom be of any use. It would be giving him the message that things have to stay where thay belong but letting him see that having memories is OK? Perhaps he could go with you to pick out a frame that he likes to put the picture in.

Might be a rubbish idea but it's all I can come up with on a Friday afternoon!

Jimjams Fri 22-Jul-05 15:14:41

Maybe you'll have to let him talk about it, then when you move deal with the fall out- ime the fall out is intense but short lived. Maybe just carry on preparing him for the move- and ignore the door business- I think yo're right he's expressing alll his anxiety about the move via the door.

beccaboo Fri 22-Jul-05 15:26:55

Could you bargain with him? Maybe he could choose the decor for his new room, or he could have a present in exchange for the old door?

eefs Fri 22-Jul-05 15:48:29

do you have access to the new house yet? is there any chance (assuming the new house doors are smaller than the door he has now from what you posted) that before you move you could install the new house door (henceforth to be called the NHD) where the old house door (OHD) is now? i.e. the door to his present room will be the NHD which may not fit correctly but is something he can get used to while still in the safety of his old house and it is something you could bring with you?

Alternative - could you paint the OHD a particular colour and paint the NHD the same unusual colour - giving the doors some sort of continuity?

I think it's very clever way of J to think - his door is the entrance to his world

jayzmummy Fri 22-Jul-05 16:05:14

The door here is a lot smaller than the new door, so it would be no use at the new house.

J and I have had a little chat about doors, they are not real, the do not eat and they definately do not need a whole carton of fresh pineapple juice poured all over them because doors dont drink!!!!![frazzeled emotion needed]

DH was supposed to be watching him whilst I catch up on some work....DH watching J entails DH playing PS2 games with DS1.... whilst J empties contents of fridge and feeds the door!!!!!

misdee Fri 22-Jul-05 16:09:53

i'm sorry but

dd2 has a tree stroking obsession, its driving me nuts.

Fio2 Fri 22-Jul-05 16:12:25

crikey jayzmummy, i hope you find a solution soon

saadia Fri 22-Jul-05 16:13:46

This might sound ridiculous and I do feel mildly ridiculous suggesting it but it is just a suggestion - I don't know how old J is but could you perhaps post a letter to J pretending to be from the door saying that "I have to stay here, but you have to move on. There will be another door for your bedroom in your new house and I will be well looked after and happy here", or whatever thoughts you think might comfort him.

misdee Fri 22-Jul-05 16:14:23

what mnakes this dodor stand out friomn teh rest? is it, like you say the entrance to his world? its his way of keeping things out, and only letting in the things he wnats (unless u climb througt the window ). so i'm guessings its like his suit of armour, its protection. but how to work round it?

jayzmummy Fri 22-Jul-05 16:45:38

Exactly misdee. We have always used J's bedroom as his safe haven. Its the place where he can feel safe and secure and be himself.

When he has a meltdown then he can go throw things around up there. When he went through a drawing on the walls stage we allowed him to do it in his bedroom, but nowhere else in the house.

I know some mums with NT kids might think it odd that I allow my son to draw on his walls, but at least he was picking up a pen and drawing...thats something he really struggles with. I was over the moon last year when he, for the very first time, scrawled his name across his wall with a black permanent marker!

His bedroom is trashed but its his trash. He hates anyone, other than DH and I, going in there.

I am trying to reassure J as much as possible that his new room will be the same as his old room. The same rules, the same bed, same covers, curtains etc. It will be his space and it will belong to him.

The problem we have is that he just doesnt understand that the new house will be ours just as this place is ours now.

The new house is only 30 seconds down the lane. DH has taken J down there to play in the garden for an hour. We are lucky that its a holiday let so noone lives there and the vendors are being great with us...letting us have a key etc so we can take J down to get a feel for the house.

I have visions that when we finally leave here I will be constantly backwards and forwards between here and there, retreaving J from this place.

DH suggested we include J as part of the fixtures and fittings then at least he can stay with his blooming door!!!!!

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