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So fed up with competitive mum grrrrr

(42 Posts)
Blossomhill Thu 21-Jul-05 07:58:17

In dd's unit she has a friend whose mum is okay but is always going on and on about what her child can do etc.
Anyway the main bone of contention I have is that she will purposefully phone me and ask if dd has been invited to a certain party her child has. Dd has been to quite a few this year but not as many as her child. I am fine about it as long as dd doesn't get upset it's one less present to get and I do feel that sometimes dd gets a bit overwhelmed by the party thing.
If I say dd hasn't been invited she will go all quiet and then say oh I wonder why? She then will mention it whenever we see each other.
Am I being totally OTT or is this woman winding me up?
I know that dd finds it hard to socialise and isn't going to be the child that is invited to loads of parties, that's part of how dd is. What I don't need is to be constantly reminded! (although she has been to a few this year)

Fran1 Thu 21-Jul-05 08:07:56

What a stupid woman!!

No child is going to be invited to every party, no matter what their socialising skills are like!!

She's playing a very childish game and i would avoid her as bet you can!

And you're quite right, too many parties get overwhelming and lose their excitement factor for children.

jenkins88 Thu 21-Jul-05 09:56:54

It would really hurt if someone said these things to me and I don't think I would be taking her calls in future.

Maybe it does makes her feel better that her DD gets more invites than your DD does, but she shouldn't rub your nose in it.

JakB Thu 21-Jul-05 09:58:41

Oh ignore her, silly woman. I hate that,'My child's got special needs but they're better at X, Y and Z, than yours'. I had that the other day from a very annoying mum who said, 'Yes, but my DD is so different from your DD, isn't she? And she's saying XXXXX and she's doing XXXXX and she's achieved XXXXX'. It's like a new competitive circle, being a mum with a child with SN. Tell her DD isn't going to that party but is going to a special writing group instead as she's SO TALENTED!

saadia Thu 21-Jul-05 10:09:45

She does sound a bit unhinged but OTOH, you don't think she might think she is showing concern and interest do you?

jenkins88 Thu 21-Jul-05 10:21:47

JakB

It's really sad that some mums of SN children don't know better than to make these comparisons. I've torn myself apart so many times comparing my son to other children and I would be so hurt if someone (especially someone who should understand) did this to me.

coppertop Thu 21-Jul-05 10:35:02

I wonder if she's secretly very insecure. It sounds to me as though she's doing all this to convince herself rather than anyone else IYSWIM. Maybe she's envious of some of the things your dd can do and is trying to make herself feel better by saying "Well my dd is doing X,Y,Z". Doesn't make it any less irritating and upsetting though.

batters Thu 21-Jul-05 10:41:55

Woman with Inferiority complex (not to be confused with MotherInferior!).

Ignore her, she is probably extremely insecure about her dd's own special needs and is trying to make herself feel better by making you feel worse. I have been there before with a friend who did something very similar with me. I found out several years later (I stopped seeing her for precisely this reason) that in fact my friend was suffering from depression and very unhappy at that time. But when she was behaving like that to me I couldn't see why.

Merlot Thu 21-Jul-05 11:55:16

Oh god its so pathetic and irritating isnt it? As if we havent all got enough to contend with.

Davros Thu 21-Jul-05 13:16:29

Agree with CT and Batters, its all about HER and her insecurity and trying to make herself feel better. A nasty, insensitive way to do it. Just cut out the poison and avoid if poss.
A while ago, as Class Rep, I phoned a mum from DS's school who I know a little from before. I realised when I started talking that her son was no longer in DS's class and when I said, "oh I've made a mistake, I was ringing as Class Rep and your DS is now in another class" she said "yes, he's moved up"!!!! I was taken aback but not upset

Blossomhill Thu 21-Jul-05 18:54:46

She just makes me feel awful. Always going on about her child can do this, do that.
She knows that my child is more acadmic as she asked the teacher what groups they were all in So not sure if this is a factor?
I am so pleased that dd is going to breakfast and afterschool club as I won't need to deal with this anymore (although she knows my phone number)
She will often list the parties her child has been to as well. Something like "well they have been to ** parties this year, such and such, and such and such.
I just feel like screaming at her "the least of my f**ing worries is party invites ". To her they mean everything and I just can't understand why?

JakB Thu 21-Jul-05 20:10:00

Avoid her at all costs

twirlaround Thu 21-Jul-05 20:16:17

This mother has poor social skills - perhaps that is why she thinks it is important for her dd to have good social skills and that party invites are evidence of this?

This behaviour is because she feels inadequate herself - so perhaps just recognise this and try to have some tolerance?

JakB Thu 21-Jul-05 20:19:56

I know what you mean, twirlaround, but Blossomhill's life is tricky enough as it is dealing with her DD's special needs, It may sound harsh, but I avoid people who make me feel like crap, even if they are insecure, as I've got too much else to deal with. Sorry, harsh but true.

moondog Thu 21-Jul-05 20:21:29

BH....what a f*ing bitch.
What a foul,loathsome, small minded, petty unpleasant person.

I would say airily 'Who?????? Oh God knows,there's so much going on I can't keep up.'

Or...do what i do and leave your phone on permanent answerphone mode. That sorts the wheat from the chaff let me tell you.

Socci Thu 21-Jul-05 20:49:23

Message withdrawn

Blossomhill Thu 21-Jul-05 21:32:39

Thanks you lot. I just wish I could surrond my world with lovely people like you and then I would be happy

beccaboo Thu 21-Jul-05 21:46:01

She definitely sounds threatened by the fact that your dd is more academic than hers, so is trying to 'compensate' in her own mind by putting your dd down in other areas. She must be quite unhappy

Blossomhill Thu 21-Jul-05 21:49:03

The thing is even if she is unhappy why is she trying to do the same to me ????

Jimjams Thu 21-Jul-05 21:51:03

I have a "friend" like this but luckily she does it to all of us so ds1 is "the most remote child" she's ever met, and my friend's dd is "the most severely autistic" and another friend's is something else..... It used to upset me, but now I just get her off the phone and ring a friend and say "you'll never bloody guess what she's said this time". I am distancing myself a bit though as well as I just got fed up of it.

Jimjams Thu 21-Jul-05 21:51:52

I think they do it to make themselves feel better....

Merlot Thu 21-Jul-05 21:51:55

I think I would have to either `have it out with her' or I'd avoid her like the plague. Its just not on, feeding her own self esteem at your expense.

beccaboo Thu 21-Jul-05 23:25:04

Blossom, I reckon it probably doesn't even occur to her what effect it's having on you, she's just wrapped up in her own feelings. She probably thinks she's being really subtle too........

Blossomhill Fri 22-Jul-05 07:39:00

I know what you mean Beccaboo and the thing is she is very transparent to me.

Davros Fri 22-Jul-05 10:32:16

moondog, your post made me laugh! All you can do is recognise it when people make you feel crap consistently (everyone can have an off day) and reduce your exposure. I've got a very good friend I've had to do this with recently, she's just so tactless. What she says upsets me and it upsets me that I don't feel able to be as good friends with her any more, but she never seems to fail to make me feel crap these days. I suppose we're having a harder time and maybe she's going through a less sensitive phase, either way, I don't need it!

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