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comfort zone or big wide world

(8 Posts)
SoBlue Mon 18-Jul-05 19:23:10

Hi don't post often but feel need to ask advice. I have been having a community nursery nurse who gives me an hour respite and does play therapy. Initially ds(asd age4) was hyperactive and being defiant to her but after consulting the SCD team and a slight change of tatic he now accepts her visits and looks forward to them. Which is great as someone else takes the responsibility for an hour a week, he gets help and i don't have to be on edge. At last i have some kind of control with behaviour at home and in public ie. plan journey like mission impossible with a backup plan and escape route. Now she wants to change everything as in change his bedtimes as its too late he should be in bed and lie there (he can only do 9 hours straight), i should take him to the park everyday to wear him out, swimming, shops, picnic all summer holidays ideas. I don't even know where to start with the conversation, tried to explain i never took my nt kids out as much as she is suggesting apparently she did and thats normal? Plus i have so much other stuff i do play therapy, activities, learning games etc. Now im thinking were my occasional ventures not satisfactory parenting? All this extra stuff is going to make my life so much stressfull than it already is. Anyone else's input would be good

Jimjams Mon 18-Jul-05 19:27:31

she sounds a pain in the arse. doing too much with kids who tend towards hyperactivity whizzes them up and you find them bouncing of the ceilingat 11pm at night. Tell her that you are creating a calm, regular environment.

I couldn't do all of that with ds1- have 2 other kids and ds1 requires full 1:1 outside of the home (and my other 2 are 6 months and 3). Not sure what your situation is but with your description of escvape routes etc your trips out sound similar to ours.

Fio2 Mon 18-Jul-05 19:27:40

do what you feel is right

honestly sometimes you ahve to walk in someones shoes to know how it is. Also you are a Mother at the end of the day it is YOUR choice, no-ones elses. Sometimes all this professional input undermines your confidence as a Mother and you start questioning yourself unecessarily

Jimjams Mon 18-Jul-05 19:29:12

also she can go home at the end of the day, put her feet up and drinkl a glass of wine/go out for a meal. Meanwhile you've collapsed with exhaustion.I think she needs some reality training. Tell her you're a mother not a therapist.

SoBlue Mon 18-Jul-05 19:33:30

yes your are right about the hyperactivity shopping sets him off. He tends to crash after a lot of physical stuff. So park is fine have no probs with that except its got people init and he's on the loud, in your face, overfriendly scale which i find stressfull.And TBH i cringe inside when he speaks to people. Thats awfull i know

Davros Mon 18-Jul-05 21:57:24

I would tell her politely but firmly that its simply not possible and you don't feel its a good idea. Maybe she'd like to accompany you on a outing just to see how it goes?

coppertop Mon 18-Jul-05 22:05:24

She sounds a bit too keen and a tad inexperienced in actually living with a child who has ASD.

Ds2's Paed has a sleep fixation and thinks that if ds2 is put to bed at 7pm he will sleep through the night and all our worries will be over. Hmmmm....

It sounds to me as though you've already got a sensible system. I like the idea of inviting the CNN along on one of her planned expeditions though.

SoBlue Mon 18-Jul-05 23:29:51

thanks for all your input its reminded me why im doing all this stuff. To get him to a place we could both cope with. Its second nature now and almost invisible to other people as he's much better behaved now and appears more normal. I know she meant well but it really made me feel like a bad parent, putting it lightly

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