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Help needed on tricky situation

(5 Posts)
Blossomhill Sun 03-Jul-05 09:29:34

Dd has a girl in her unit who has very poor speech. A couple of times dd has mimicked this little girl at home and I was mortified. As in * speaks like this. Now I know dd is not being horrible but just saying what she thinks, as she does do.
Well yesterday she said it again that her friends doesn't speak very well. I explained that her friends tries really hard to speak well and that she will get there one day. Also she would be very sad if she heard you say that as she does try so hard. Dd's reply "She will never speak well".
How do you tell a child that says what she thinks, takes everything literal and has difficulties understanding what's right and wrong that this is not acceptable. Obviously this little girl does have poor speech and that's all dd can see/hear/ I would just hate for her to say anything to this child.
If ds had said this (and he has said things before like most children) I would explain you mustn't say that it's not very nice, would make the other person very upset etc. With dd you can never be sure if it's gone in or not!
The thing is people see it as being rude and I know dd is not being rude. I mean this will make you laugh but made dh want the ground to open up and swallow him. At Pontins dd and dh were in a burger place and dd turns round to dh and says "is that person a man or a lady" It was a lady and I have to say she did look quite butch but it's things like this that leave you

TheRealMrsF Sun 03-Jul-05 19:11:16

though your dd does not have AS...some of this stuff could benefit from the good old AS techniques and strategies!!!!

it could be bh that she's doing what my 2 did...which is kind of 'peaking' at at 6/7....and in tom's case by 9 he was definitely easier to reason with....our paed says with AS for example... they 'peak and trough' about every 4 years...meaning tom will likely peak again at 13!!!!

Hope that makes sense...just feel in some ways that looking back whentom was your DD's age..that we were on at him constantly because almost everything he did or said was inappropriate etc...and the danger is the child loses any sight of what they do well..... whereas with leigh i openly tell people that he is Autistic...and does not realsie how he has upset someone....and that i WILL NOT discipline him at that point...i DO point out what he said has UPSET/OFFENDED infront of the person...but if he's stressing...it does no good to deal with it there and then.....

so what i sugest is that you use social stories and carry on as you brilliantly do.... and whilst not saying 'accept' her 'rude...though not rude bits'...but maybe look ahead that they will improve 'naturally'

Blossomhill Sun 03-Jul-05 22:17:27

Thanks Mrs F. Well dd does have some AS traits so makes sense to deal with her in the same way (which we do).
Thank you for your help and advice. I am hoping and praying that one day she may be able to see what she is saying is not appropriate etc.
It does make me that dd has to learn certain skills in life that most of us take for granted.

TheRealMrsF Sun 03-Jul-05 22:31:47

i know... i feel saddened when something happens that would not have happened if my boys were not AS.

However...honestly BH...though she will always not have the 'natural' ability etc to know what is inappropriate etc...she will begin to 'get used to what you reinforce as the 'right thing' to do or say..,

I say this confidently ....as leigh at 7 could not see why he should say sorry if he hurt someone by accident...so i 'trained him' to say

"i'm sorry,it was an accident....i didn't mean to hurt you"...now he uses exactly that phrase...i don't think he still understands the reasoning etc...but i have explained that it makes people feel better.


another example is the giving and recieving of presents..i worked on the fact that he needn't tell people if he hates/has already got the gift they lovingly chose for him!!!!

also another concept he finds hard...and 2 years on i am still working with him on it....is the fact that if someone hurts HIM etc that if they apologise he needs to acknowledge this....so he has 2 choices...1: is that he says "OK" (that's when he is angry or hurt...and doesn't forgive them...OFTEN!!!!) and 2: "THAT'S O.K!!!"...when he feels forgiving!!!!

I have mentioned THIS book many times...NOT aimed at ANY particular 'disorder' etc...but it really is a gem!!! It uses a similar method as social stories.... and covers things like FRIENDSHIPS,SOCIAL SKILLS,FRIENDSHIPS ETC... it's around £15 ...but is SUPER!!!!

Here's the index:
1. Children with special needs; professional and parental help.
2. Improving a child's self-esteem.
3. Friends.
4. Roles and rules.
5. Social rules and expected social behaviour. 6. Introducing body language.
7. Using body language.
8. Assertiveness.
9. Handling feelings.
10. Anger.
11. Social situations.
12. Social safety.
13. Communication skills for improving the quality of the child's relationships.
14. The art of gifts and compliments.
15. Helping and caring skills.

TheRealMrsF Sat 09-Jul-05 14:14:47

BH...how's this going????

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