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sports day

(16 Posts)
octavia Sat 02-Jul-05 00:27:59

its my ds sports day today and he doesn't want to take part as he says he's fed up of coming last and that he just can't do it.He was diagnosed with high functioning autism in february and during the last few weeks He seems to be more aware of the differences between himself and the other children in his class. He goes to a mainstream school. His class teacher is lovely, very supportive and always encourages him, so do the other children in his class. I feel awful about making him take part though, I know other kids hate sports days for various reasons but I can't bear to have to watch my darling little boy struggle, would you keep him home , because to be honest I really want to . The headmistress wont be pleased but thats a whole new thread in its self. please help me

jenkins88 Sat 02-Jul-05 00:37:41

Oh that's so sad. How old is he?

i don't have any experience of autism, so can't say what I'd do in your shoes. Hopefully someone who knows about this will be able to respond in time.

FWIW I think I would be tempted to let him stay home if I thought it would make him more unhappy in the long run. Maybe that's because I'm a bit weak.

I hope it works out ok whatever you decide to do.

Good luck

octavia Sat 02-Jul-05 01:23:22

Thank you for replying Jenkins. He's nearly 6.My husband thinks I'm mollycoddling him and I know I am, but I can't help it. Its only over this though, everything else he's had problems with ( all to do with sport) I really encourage him. Its taken ages for him to learn to swim no thanks to a instructor the school uses, but with the help of a really patient swimming teacher he can now swim 15 metres and I'm so proud of him.

Gomez Sat 02-Jul-05 01:35:44

No I wouldn't let hime stay at home. I wouldn't make him take part but we would all attend sports day. Why do you feel you need to take extra car with sports day?

octavia Sat 02-Jul-05 01:56:55

he told me he hates people looking at him especially if he doesn't know them and by being last everyone will be looking at him.
I've tried reassuring him that it will be alright, that someone has to come last and all the other people are only interested in their own children but he just can't seem to handle it. I've suggested we all go for a nice meal afterwards ( he loves doing this ) but he just replied that he is sure that he wont be hungry !I've even offered to buy him a new ps2 game but he says he'll wait until his birthday and granny will be him one anyway !I have said to him that as its a school thing then it isn't optional but I just feel really awful about making him do something that he realy struggles with and causes him so much unhappiness. I know I'm being daft and I'm just going to have to get a grip, he's going to have to do a lot of things he finds difficult or upsetting all his life but Its so difficult .Thank you for your reply.

HappyHuggy Sat 02-Jul-05 02:10:28

i would let him stay at home, whether that is the right thing to do or not but i wouldnt put my baby in a position where he is going to uncomfortable and embarrassed. i couldnt do it

octavia Sat 02-Jul-05 02:16:28

neither can I, I've just been upstairs and left him a little note to say he doesn't have to worry about it. we can stay home play scrabble and scoff sweeties instead. I can't wait to see his face when he knows he doesn't have to go.

HappyHuggy Sat 02-Jul-05 02:25:12

bless, thats what ive had done too. I dont care if that means that people will say ive done wrong as long as my boys is smiling in the morning then thats all that matters to me

jayzmummy Sat 02-Jul-05 03:02:00

Octavia. My DS has autism and we went through the same thing when he was in mainstream school. J was worried about all the parents watching him whilst he took part in the games.
J is 9 now and i have been homeedding for the last year.
I know that when he hit 6-7 he became so much more aware that his attitude to life and the way he did things was so differnt to everyone else around him. Its a sad part of growing up for our little ones when the realisation hits home for them.
I think you have made the right decission....scoffing sweets....yummy can I come to your house?

How about next year you ask if DS can be a helper instead of partaking in the sports events? J did this at his last sports day....he was cheif marker and helped the teachers keep tabs on the house points. It gave him the chance to be part of sports day without the added pressure of all those eyes watching him.

Hope you have a lovely day together and that he his happier for not going.

octavia Sat 02-Jul-05 03:07:41

Thats a great idea, thank you.

Davros Sat 02-Jul-05 15:38:22

I was going to suggest something like Jayzmummy. Go to sports day (next year now) but don't make him take part in races, he can contribute in some other way. If his teacher agrees, and she sounds like she would, then he can enjoy it and feel he's doing something "special". ASD or not, not everyone's good at sport and doesn't mind! With ASD its just cruel to make him take part in the races.

octavia Sat 02-Jul-05 17:16:48

Thanks for that.He was so pleased this morning, he couldn't stop saying thank you and cuddling me this morning and seeing his happy little face I know we have done the right thing. He beat me at scrabble though !

monica2 Sat 02-Jul-05 18:11:01

Octavia glad you and ds had a good day, think you did the right thing, (although JM's idea is a good one for the future) Just wanted to give you a bit of hope about this too, I have spent many years keeping dd off school on sports days/sponsored walks/concerts/wear what you want days etc but she is now able to participate in nearly all of them (she is nearly 10) I have spent many an hour secretly going to the sports field with her explaining what will happen etc. and often just trying to persuade her that she will not be able to walk round and round the white football lines!! We have also used the backchaining method successfully with things like assembly etc which means she starts by attending the last five minutes of the activity (so she can see the end etc) then building up the amount of time gradually. Hope this is of help

coppertop Sat 02-Jul-05 18:28:41

I think JM's idea is a good one for next year. In your situation I would probably have kept ds at home too.

Ds1's sports day was set up so that there were a lot of activities set up at the same time and very few actual races. It meant that everyone was too busy to be looking at what everyone else did. Ds1 (5 and ASD) enjoyed it but I think he also found it quite overwhelming being around so many people and with so much noise.

octavia Sat 02-Jul-05 18:33:54

Thank you , its very helpful. Its only this sports day he seems to have a problem with. school plays or anything that requires dressing up is frown upon but he gets on with it,( dressing up is for girls apparently!)He's really good about new places and routines as long as he's told about it , even a few minutes before will do, he just likes to know. I find it helps If I write things down for him so he knows what to expect is helpful as he says he hates not knowing what he should be doing . He can't seemed to follow the lead of the other children and copy what they do, Is this common with autistic children. He does have friends though and enjoys going to their houses and them coming to us. sorry I'm rambling now, its just so nice to be able to talk

coppertop Sat 02-Jul-05 18:47:44

My ds1 likes to have things explained to him too. Once he knows something is going to happen then he is generally fine about it. He too finds it hard to work out what is going on just from watching the other children. He's getting better with spotting non-verbal cues but still finds it hard. He likes to have someone sit down with him and say "This is what we're going to be doing now...."

LOL at "dressing-up is for girls". Bless him!

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