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Does everything have a sadness to it?

(25 Posts)
anniebear Thu 23-Jun-05 20:05:38

went and visited Graces School last night. (Ellie is going to go for half a day to start with, hopefully in the future this will build up to more)

When we got shown the class rooms, I didn't once think how much Grace would love it all, instead I looked around thinking (oh Ellie will trash that,Ellie will throw those, tip those out, she wont sit round that table for long" etc

I should have been happily looking around my Daughters School and instead there was still and tinge of sadness to it.

I stood there with my eyes filling up in the classroom as they both should have been starting together in matching uniforms in September (twins), and there not. I pictured them both sitting there together and me taking them together each day.

I also now feel guilty as I came away and realised I hadn't even thought about Grace (she will LOVE it!!!) and it is her that is going full time.

It just seems that everything we do there is also something I get sad about

I am dreading their first day, I am sure I'll be crying putting their different uniforms on, then I have to drop Grace off on her own and then take Ellie to her School whilst being calm and collected!!

Oh well, it's not till September!! But just wanted to get it off my chest to people who understand and won't tell me I'm being daft (hope not anyway!!!!!)


Jimjams Thu 23-Jun-05 20:14:03

yep- feel exactly the same whenever I go to ds2's future school. horrible isn't it?

lou33 Thu 23-Jun-05 20:15:15

same feelings here as well

YogiYahooey Thu 23-Jun-05 20:37:43

Feel the same too - we have visiting day next week when ds2 will spend a little time in the class - just for one day I would like a guardian angel to see him through.

Jimjams Thu 23-Jun-05 21:13:55

anniebear-want to expand on my earlier reply as this is good timing as we've just taken ds2 to show him his future school and it feels exactly as you describe. When we looked around originally we met some wonderful year 4 boys and they gathered round chatting to us and showing us their work- they were so enthusiastic. I wanted to cry in the classroom (but didn't) but afterwards dh said he's found that bit really difficult as well. Year 1 was hard to look at as well!

It must be even harder for you having twins. I'm very good at avoiding 6 year old boys so I don't have the constant in your face reminder that you must have to live with.

We're going away next week for a holiday without ds1 (mum and dad are moving into our house) and whilst I'm going to enjoy being able to do all the things we can't normally do I'm also going to hate it. Family holidays weren't ever meant to be minus one child

And you probably will cry- but so would I- I'd howl the house down.

anniebear Thu 23-Jun-05 21:37:41

Jimjams, I hope you really enjoy your time away. But I also know what you mean. We were thinking of Taking Grace away on her own for the night (have no one to have Ellie for longer!!) felt bad as it didnt seem right.

But it is the right thing to do, if you are able to do it, your other child will love having that time with you.

Also glad that I am not the only one getting upset about School! Thanks everyone! I sometimes wonder if people may think I am going OTT, but your opinions are the ones that count because you all understand!

Thanks xxxxxxxx

lou33 Thu 23-Jun-05 21:42:02

totally understand annie

ds2 has been loaned a sn trike by pt, and i should be swelling with pride seeing him on it (and am), but at the same time i am holding back the tears because it just doesn't seem fair that he has to have feet strapped, afos on, waist strap, side supports etc, to just have a bit of fun most kids take for granted. He tries so bloody hard and i am so proud of him, but it breaks my heart too.

Saker Thu 23-Jun-05 22:00:03


I am feeling similar. Ds2 should be starting school this year and all the other rising 5s are looking round the school. Ds1 is already in Reception and more than anything would love to have Ds2 come across from the preschool and be the big brother showing him around. But Ds2 is either going to delay a year or if we can get a place go to the Infant Assessment Unit at a different school so he's not visiting. I know it's silly but it makes me cry just typing it although in general it's a big relief to know that Ds2 might not have to go to mainstream school in the first instance.

heartinthecountry Thu 23-Jun-05 22:38:43

anniebear - I often think about how hard it must be for you having Grace as a constant reminder of where Ellie 'should' be. Especially as Ellie's SN are because of an illness.

It is different for me with dd because her condition is genetic she is as she 'should' be IYSWIM.

I hope you don't mind me posting that. Just wanting to acknowledge that some things but be so so hard for you and I totally understand.

I would cry too. Lots.

KarenThirl Fri 24-Jun-05 06:50:55

I know what you mean annie. J got his first party invitation in God knows how long, to be held in a bowling alley. All the other mums were saying "Wow, that will be such fun" and all I could think was "Oh. Sh*t". J chucking bowling balls around. Then I thought "what the hell" so we're going anyway. But it is sad that the first instinct is to think the bad when there's likely to be so much good as well.

Wishing you all luck for September.

anniebear Fri 24-Jun-05 07:13:16

corse I dont mind you posting that heartinthecountry, thank you

People see Ellie running round and haven't a clue about how behind she is and the problems we have at home with her.

It is lovely to come on here and have people tell you they understand how hard it is

Thank you thank you thank you for all your care and support everyone

Don't know what I used to do on the pc before I discovered Mums Ne, I am always talking about you all telling everyonbe how bril you all are!!

anniebear Fri 24-Jun-05 07:18:09

Karen Thirl, Hope the bowling goes ok!

Isn't it awful when you get invitations?! Your heart sinks

Until the last few weeks I used to hate anyone mention the dreaded 'G' word.......Garden!!! Grace loves it outside but Ellie ended up tripping over everything, screaming, toys werent suitable for her and I ended up trotting round after her whilst friends sat drinking there 'hot' coffee!!

What does 'hot' coffee/tea taste like anyway?!!!!!

She has been fine though the last few weeks.....yeah!!!! See, I can say something positive!!!

Sorry, am waffling now!!

Fio2 Fri 24-Jun-05 07:57:40

Anniebear, I feel the same too, its very hard isnt it?m I supposse the positives are that at least Ellie will be able to play with Grace's friends and have a bit of a 'social life' that way, I fnd it incredibly hard with dd's friends at the special school as they are situated all over the place iykwim. Your feelings are completely normal though.

Hope you enjoy your holidays jimjams and Lou33 , hope you are okay and ds is loving his trike

JakB Fri 24-Jun-05 08:16:53

annibear, I think starting school is really stressful when you've got a child with special needs (a particularly surly health visitor pointed this out to me a few years ago). I'm getting very tearful about DD starting school (not that she has the right place yet!) and it must be so, so hard when you've got twins going to different places. Like Jimjams I avoid little girls and seeing little four-year-old girls playing together and chatting away fills me with an almost unbearable sadness (for some reason Jamie Oliver's girls really get to me! I read OK and Heat too much...).
Anyway, it's a tough time honey and we're all here for you.
ps DD is terrible in gardens and we've stripped ours right back so there absolutely nothing she can harm herself on. Or so I thought until I saw her balanced on the trampoline on tip-toes trying to get over the wall into the neighbour's garden!!!
pps We've had to accept that we will have to go away with DS without DD at some point. A hard fact of life.

Davros Fri 24-Jun-05 09:52:36

Oh dear, talk about threads that make you cry Having twins must be so hard, I'm having difficulty adjusting and mine are 7.5 years apart!
I hate the bloody summer, everywhere is packed with people staring at us, we can barely use the garden as DS's behaviour is so terrible he just throws sand around and rolls around in it (soil if he can get it), we can't go on holiday with him, we can't go to the seaside with him......
boo hoo! And DD would love the seaside if only we could take her.

anniebear Fri 24-Jun-05 10:29:16

Sorry Davros!! didnt mean to make you cry!!!!

Thanks everyone xxxxxxx

heartinthecountry Fri 24-Jun-05 10:31:54

I'm beginning to hate the summer too... I think it is because all that 'normal' family life is so much more visible. You know, happy families playing on the beach, in the park etc

Had a shit day yesterday and dh suggested I take dd to the park and I was just like "to do what? put her on the swing for 10 minutes, heave her up to the top of the slide a few times, and then home? It's not like she can run around and climb on things is it?". suddenly felt really resentful of families who could just 'go to the park' and their kids would love running around and having fun and that in itself is a day out. If I go to the park I still have to 'entertain' dd the whole frigging time tbh its easier to stay at home.

Sorry, feeling sorry for myself .

anniebear Fri 24-Jun-05 10:35:19

Arrrrh Davros thats so hard for you, Grace loves the beach also. We did get a holiday last week but only because my Mum came with us, so there were 3 adults to two children!!!

We did go onto the beach but whilst Grace sat and could play for AGES we constantly ran after Ellie as she kept taking off and legged it down the beach.

Looking round I was the only mad woman running as fast as my wobbly large body could down the beach yelling Ellie in my best scouse (ish!) loud accent!!!

Ok sounds funny now but it wasnt at the time!!

Also have just been buying the girls uniforms, thats also been hard, they are hanging up in the other room, red sweatshirt, green sweatshirt

anniebear Fri 24-Jun-05 10:43:21

heartinthecountry, dont apologise!

I always look at other mums sitting whilst there children play. Ellie is mobile now but for a long time and still occasionally I have to heave her onto things, then you break your back trying to push the sea saw up and down whilst gripping tight hold of them!

Getting them in and out of the baby swings when they are getting a bit big for them is hard.

Now I still have to help her but its more legging it round after her, she has not much sense of danger yet.

The other mums sit there chatting or reading a magazine....sounds bliss!!!

Blossomhill Fri 24-Jun-05 10:45:23

AB - completely understand. Had to take dd out of ds's school as it just didn't work out.
I remember dd's first day at her new school. Ds said "mummy I am sad as I will never be able to play with my sister in the playground like my other friends do ). I said to him well think how great it will be after school when you see each other. You can play together then. It was so hard but I really tried my best to reassure him. He apprently went into schoola nd told all of his friends that his sister had a speech problem (if only that's all it was!!!) and was going to a speaking school (at that time that was the best way to tell him as language is a bit complex for a 6 yr old to understand!)

I am so lucky that dd's school allow ds in so that they can have there school photos together. Really makes a difference to me.

I do know how you feel AB but remember you are doing what's best for both of your girls' future. Blossom xxx

anniebear Fri 24-Jun-05 10:56:29

Arh BH, thats really sad your DH saying that. He obviously loves her lots!!

Thats great the school allow them to have their photos taken together!

anniebear Fri 24-Jun-05 10:57:08

Sorry BH, meant your DS not DH!!!

Blossomhill Fri 24-Jun-05 10:59:59

Well dh does love her lots too AB, we all do

Yes it is great that they allow us to have the photos done together. Gives us the chance to have some normality IYSWIM

Fio2 Fri 24-Jun-05 11:56:53

HITC I hate it when you go to the pub and people stare when they are outside playing on the slides and that and now ds has got this really annoying habit ( although I suppose it is sweet) of encouraging dd constantly as if he is some kid of therapist

Pages Sat 25-Jun-05 21:47:51

HITC, know exactly how you feel about the park. Last time I took DS, we did exactly as you said -swing for 5 mins, and that was it (he doesn't even like the slide). Then we "walked" (me holding hands) over to the commando course and he sat down on the grass and just smiled and watched all the other children running up and down on ropes and bars, including a friend's child who is the same age as him. Bless him, he was getting excited by proxy, while I just sat there getting more and depressed...

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