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Looking for a good book for siblings of sn children. Any ideas?

(6 Posts)
mumgoingcrazy Tue 10-Nov-09 19:51:22

We're starting to get some behaviour issues with DD1 (NT) and a couple of relatives think it may be because of DD2 (sn) and all the care and attention she needs. I'm looking for a book that can either help explain how DD1 (4yrs) is feeling and ideas on what I can do about it.

I try to give DD1 as much 1:1 as I can, and feel that she does get a fair bit. She always has my attention after school and we have about half a day together at the weekend.

I'm just really worried that she's becoming resentful toward DD2.


jings Tue 10-Nov-09 20:20:46

Thinking that my 10 year old big sister with SN brother could do with something too - she's increasingly anxious, especially about me going anywhere or doing anything - getting slightly OCD about it - having to do certain things to prevent bad things happening etc. Trying not to worry about it too much!

cyberseraphim Tue 10-Nov-09 21:10:24

I'm looking into this too for the future. I don't really think it is fair for relatives to blame the SN issues (unless it is more clearly the case that this is what is happening). If they don't live with you and don't see things on a day to day basis, how can they know that this is what is causing the behavioural issues? The B +D section is full of all sorts of issues and problems - some very serious and there are rarely SN issues involved. So far things are ok here - When DS1 (ASD) gets upset when the DVD sticks on his favourite episode - DS2 pipes up with 'Maybe try another episode for DS1' !

mumgoingcrazy Wed 11-Nov-09 19:12:13

Thanks both of you. It's nothing major at the moment, just a bit of jealousy. She's always been such a good big sister to DD2 it's just a bit of a shock. She started school in September so it could be something to do with this. I think it isn't right to blame DD2's sn actually, thinking about it some of my friends have far worse to deal with and there's no sn involved there.

There are a few books on Amazon but I have no idea which ones are worth a read. Let me know if you come across any.

grumpyoldeeyore Wed 11-Nov-09 19:40:20

I think that jealousy about siblings happens about that age anyway they just become much more aware of who gets what - at least I found that with my two non SN kids. My sister and I argued like cat and dog for years and its only now I'm a Mum I realise my Mum was sooo fair but we were always going "its not fair she got ..." when in reality we always got the same.

I have two older non SN children which really helps as whilst they do mind that DS3 gets so much of the attention etc they also are great at amusing each other. Do you just have the two children? If so what I would recommend is trying to help your oldest build friends at school eg have children over to play etc when you can as that will give her a friendship group and by about 7 she'd much rather hang out with her friends than you! It also helps if siblings friends get used to SN children as young as possible so it won't be an issue when they come round and it also means you can build a network of other mums which is much harder to do via your SN child - and this can also pay dividends in that they will be happy to whisk off your oldest for playdates etc in return or help out if you have appointments etc. We have a great network of friends through our older children which has given us a social life, free babysitters and people who can pick up our older children from school when we're stuck at an appointment. So whilst it can be hard to find the energy to have children back for tea etc if you pick a good match they actually disappear upstairs and entertain themselves and makes life easier. Building a really good base of friends will help as she gets older because if shes busy herself she won't be noticing so much how much time she gets from you compared to her sister.

You get a lot of backchat and stuff when they start school - they pick up stuff from the other kids. She might also be tired my children struggled with the first term and its dark and they can't play out etc. We had a lot of behaviour issues in the run up to Xmas in reception and they settled down in the Spring. Its pretty typical for reception children to turn into monsters in this half term, the novelty has worn off and its just a long hard slog to Xmas. If you ask around in the playground most mums will be worrying what has happened to their lovely children!

mumgoingcrazy Wed 11-Nov-09 20:21:20

Thank you. I have had quite a bit of backchat and attitude since she started school. She's very happy and loves to go, but she is now mixing with kids I don't know. She's had a few play dates (and parties already) but maybe she could do with more. Fortunately she knows lots of kids that went to her pre-school too.

I'm lucky in that the school she's in has a very good sn unit attached to it and the children are all integrated. This is the unit I really hope DD2 gets into, so she and all her friends should be used to it all.

After reading all your posts I'm just wondering if it's a 'starting school' thing rather than resenting her sister thing. Maybe I over analysed it. I have however just ordered "Views from our shoes" which is about growing up with siblings with sn. I'll let you know if it's worth the read.

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