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Home educate anyone

(34 Posts)
debs40 Fri 06-Nov-09 18:31:12

I'm getting soooooo low about school. Does anyone home educate?

DS has come out every day this week without his reading book because he hasn't remembered it himself and no one will help. Even though it's a stupid IEP target.

I've been in touch with the community paed who agreed that his eye contact/stop licking hands targets are wrong.

They won't implement any OT suggestions as he hasn't had a report and they were only made verbally. Yet, they have had a SALT report and don't think half of those suggestions are needed.

Now, he's got a xmas play. Last year he got several lines. This year, he's just part of the non-speaking group. Silly to get upset , I know but I think his teachers have low expectations of him. He is actually really confident but just because he doesn't respond like they want him to, e.g. eye contact, they don't see it.

I think with his little ways, his chewing everything, his lack of eye contact, his inability to remember please and thank you and his not clambering for their attention, they just don't like him.

Yet, they expect him to do all the other stuff on his IEP himself as he's to be gtreated no differently from anyone else.

He'd be so much better of home educated save for the mixing with other children.

Or am I just overreacting? Does anyone else HE?

sickofsocalledexperts Fri 06-Nov-09 18:36:55

I do half and half - half home ed with ABA tutors, half at mainstream school, but crucially he has support at school in the form of a full time LSA. Could you not push for that, via a statement? Sorry if I do not know the whole story.

sarah293 Fri 06-Nov-09 18:49:35

Message withdrawn

debs40 Fri 06-Nov-09 19:47:32

Did your DS not feel isolated? How did you work out how to educate them?

logi Fri 06-Nov-09 20:12:38

I took my son(ASD) out of school 2 weeks after he started,we have been HE for over a year.He was dx in september at an assessment centre/unit which he still currently attends 4 days a week,they are helping with issues around his dx food,sleeping and anxiety.
The staff have said they feel he would benefit from more interaction with other children and although we are not sure yet next week we are going to have a look at a hospital school which only has a few pupils.We may consider it part time.
Our son has come on great being home educted and its been really enjoyable.

jasdox Fri 06-Nov-09 20:15:10

No I don't think your overacting, it's best to look at all options. in our area i know that the HEs get together so it's like a mini school, teach to different strengths. One is ASD (have not meet him, but know a friend, and he goes to her house) has high anxiety, and he loves it and is doing really well. I get the impression HEs are happy, confident and do better later on. Sorry v vague, as not got this level (ds nearly 4) yet. But there are quite a few that HE (even with a no. of children) and its well organised, they get a curriculum and plan lessons. So they socialise together and then also go to swimming lessons, beavers and other clubs afterwards. so might start thinking about it for ds, school sounds like a nightmare (but that's how i remember it as well). there are websites, i see if i can recall them.

daisy5678 Fri 06-Nov-09 20:27:01

I don't think you're over-reacting, as the school sound quite hmm, but I do think you need to look at other options too. Agree with sickofsocalledexperts that a Statement would be very much worth pursuing and/ or possibly a school move to one which is more forward-thinking with SN.

I know that, for my boy (8, autism and ADHD), school has been a massive factor in him moving on socially. He was always better at home, in his own comfort zone, and has always interacted well with me and other extended family/ friends, but 'real life' isn't like that and I wanted him to be able to mix with other children and learn how to socialise on a daily basis, how to be part of a class and (importantly) learn how to accept authority/ instructions from someone other than me. All of that sounds very Marxist sociology: that school is just a preparation for work, but I mean beyond that, really: it's preparing him for society in a way that HE just couldn't, imo.

I think there are some brilliant schools and teachers out there and would give them a go before deciding to give up on the system altogether. You can always come back to the idea later if necessary.

Academically, J would probably love HE. He would progress well and probably feel secure and happy. However, I then think that real life would be a massive shock to him and, given that his main problem lies in social skills and accepting direction, I think school has to be the place that he learns those things. Removing the demand of social interaction would have made him happier but then he'd never progress with it. And he is (now, and fingers crossed) happy and secure for the most part of his school experience too smile, though I never would have thought it possible throughout those first hellish years where he was just a wild animal in school sad.

I guess what I'm saying is there are upsides and downsides. I'm a teacher, btw, and think that you've just (unfortunately) ended up with a school who are a bit ostrich in their approach, but there will be others out there, like my J's first school, who will do whatever it takes and more to help him move on!

debs40 Fri 06-Nov-09 20:27:52

Thanks, any information you can give me would be welcomed.

I think it's worth looking into. I know if I said I would HE, he would love it, but I don't know how feasible it would be.

I just know what is happening at the moment is not helping.

lou031205 Fri 06-Nov-09 20:35:31

debs40, I knew a young man with Aspergers when I was 17. I was at college, and he had been HE, then joined the college. To be honest, he was like a sitting duck. People weren't outwardly nasty, as such, but he had no idea about social interaction, had been raised to believe that school education was inferior (although, looking with new eyes, he quite possibly could have just taken literally all that he had heard, and come to that conclusion without the help of his parents, IYSWIM) and I think that social integration was an absolutely massive shock for him. Who knows, however, what he would have been like if he had gone through the school system. He may well have been very withdrawn, rather than somewhat overconfident.

I suppose my view is that whether you HE or school educate, you need to keep involving your DS in social situations that may not completely lie in his comfort zone, to slightly expand his comfort zone, even if only fractional.

I also think that you should push for a statement, and challenge the school perception of a suitable IEP. But I know that we all only have so much energy, so most of all do what will make life easier for your DS and you.

debs40 Fri 06-Nov-09 21:23:16

Thanks. The social side of things is what I worry about too. But how do you find a school that is really good with these issues? I mean on paper or at a visit they will all say they are, but how do you really know?

We have a blardy grammar system here too so the school system is very precious and pushy and worklike from day one.

Maybe we shoudl just move town!!

anonandlikeit Fri 06-Nov-09 21:49:30

Hi Debs
Go with your gut instinct, but school can work, IF its the right school & IF they want your ds there.
Now you know the things that haven't worked well at his current school it would eb easier for you to ask the right questions at the alternatives.
Look around at alternate school, have a word with other sn parents (are there any sn groups near by that you could canvass)

I am guessing that HE might not be so isolating for your ds but what about you? Would you feel isolated?

asteroids Fri 06-Nov-09 22:06:49

I took my son out of school when he was 9 because he was being bullied and not really coping with the school work either. I taught him at home for about a year. We joined Education Otherwise, went on trips to museums, went swimming every week. At the end of the year, my son asked to go to school so we found a different school for him. He then got a grammar school place and achieved 11 GCSEs. If I hadn't taught him at home for that short time, I don't think he would have achieved anything. Incidentally, his older sister loved school and never felt that she should also be home educated.
If I had another child, I think I'd home ed from the start....and I'm an ex-teacher!

debs40 Fri 06-Nov-09 22:12:22

Thanks guys, I really appreciate your feedback on this. There is lots to think about. I will start having a look at other schools while I try and encourage a more enlightened attitude at his current one.

I will also look at HE as an option, even for a short while.

sarah293 Sat 07-Nov-09 08:36:30

Message withdrawn

debs40 Sat 07-Nov-09 09:28:51

That does sound so attractive Riven. I know exactly what you mean about children being like sponges and the 'real world' is such a good place to learn about these things

sarah293 Sat 07-Nov-09 09:58:29

Message withdrawn

daisy5678 Sat 07-Nov-09 10:41:21

The 'sponge' idea is true for information - academic stuff, knowledge etc. It's not true for ASD kids with social skills though. They can't learn them by watching TV, reading and asking questions, sadly. They need to be in the situation and taught those skills.

debs40 Sat 07-Nov-09 11:14:09

Mmm, yes, I can see that. It is the problem. I don't know if I would do it long term but I'm just wondering if, for a while, it could be the best and most reassuring option for him. He is only 6 still and I think the demands of school will only get greater.

I suppose if he had the right accomodation then it would be ok, but he doesn't. That's the key point.

PipinJo Sat 07-Nov-09 11:21:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sarah293 Sat 07-Nov-09 11:41:22

Message withdrawn

debs40 Sat 07-Nov-09 11:45:27

Thanks PipinJo. I was reading soemthing about autism being a hidden disability and people only noticing 'bad behaviour' or the 'special talents' and not the other stuff that goes with it, anxiety, organisational planning etc etc all of which can impede education.

I think this is the problem with the school who are used to looking out for 'problem children'. If he doesn't cause them a problem, what is the problem?

So the fact he doesn't get homework or get his homework marked or get his books changed because he can't remember is not their problem. They treat alll the children the same, and according to them there are loads who can't remember. Great teaching strategy then hmm

PipinJo Sat 07-Nov-09 12:22:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

debs40 Sat 07-Nov-09 13:03:05

No, he doesn't have a statement and I actually think with some will and some resources, his needs could be met in school. But I suppose that is the thing about statements, they force schools to do what they're not doing. You just have no guarantee that the school are going to be responsive.

How does reducing school hours work? I didn't know you could do part week.

sickofsocalledexperts Sat 07-Nov-09 17:05:15

[sorry for hijack] Pipinjo I am so glad your city school is better ! It's funny isn't it, that people always go on about the lovely rural life, but actually I find that you get a lot more narrow-mindedness in the country areas than you do in the big cities (ok don't flame me everyone, I'm sure there are exceptions). It's like race discrimination too - if they've never met an autistic person or a person of a different creed in some chocolate box village or small town location, they will be suspicious of them. In the city, anything goes, though that can be bad as well as good in other areas of course.

AttilaTheMeerkat Sat 07-Nov-09 17:06:39

"No, he doesn't have a statement and I actually think with some will and some resources, his needs could be met in school. But I suppose that is the thing about statements, they force schools to do what they're not doing. You just have no guarantee that the school are going to be responsive".

Hi Debs

re your comments above:-

From what I have read of your son's school there seems to be no real will, much dilly dallying on the school's part and nothing much in the way of resources. Your son's needs are not being fully met currently and there is no cast iron guarantee that these will be met either the further on he goes particularly if there is no statement in place. I'd be giving this lot a kick up the jacksi verbally speaking. A statement is a legally binding document which outlines the child's educational difficulties and how best to deal with these difficulties in terms of strategies and support. It being legally binding is vitally important as school have to do as it says. No other plan has this degree of clout.

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